Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Marriage and Maternity Leave

Maternity Leave
I wondered when it would happen. When would I feel like I wanted to go back to work? I'm ready. Obviously I'm not really ready until Koen is ready which will be when he's one year old. However, I have reached the point where I'm ready for something different. It's really hard, with an infant especially, to have a lot of diversity in your day. Most of it is feed, change, play, sleep. Yes, we get out for walks and visits but that's getting a bit old.

(Kai always has several cars, trucks or trains in his hands)

I LOVE being able to be in my pj's til 9am, workout at 10am, shower at noon etc. I LOVE being able to take pictures of my kids during the day. I LOVE hearing the funny things Kai says and seeing Koen grow before my eyes. It is def. relaxing being home but it isn't always fun or stimulating. I am so thankful for maternity leave, I have seen the benefits that it has had on my kids and I am grateful. Maybe it doesn't help that we are all fighting a nasty cold right now. Koen is grumpy and congested which makes feeding him way more difficult (thank goodness for saline drops which he hates). Kai is just tired so I can handle that. I'm just tired.

(Today I said, `Oh man, what is so stinky in the fridge?' and Kai said, `Maybe it's dog poop or cat poop or something'. I hope not. Still haven't found the source)
Maybe I'm ready because Gary was gone for 5 days last week. I did it! He was hiking the Juan de Fuca trail (west coast of Vancouver Island) and I took care of a toddler and an infant (that got up at least 3 times a night) for 5 days. It was easier than I thought but I def. missed my `time outs' that I get when Gary comes home.

Okay, not really sure what to say here. Next week, Gary and I will celebrate our 4 year anniversary. We have a good marriage. We love eachother. We appreciate eachother. I know we could have a great marriage. The same thing happened when Kai was little and it's happening again. If you could break it down into numbers, I would say that the kids get about 80% of my energy and attention right now. I give myself about 10% (just working out really), Gary 5% and family and friends about 5%. I'm assuming that this is somewhat normal for this stage of life, but it isn't healthy. Infants require so much time and effort. I'm constantly feeding, changing and holding him. I'm busy playing with, teaching, and disciplining Kai. When Gary gets home, I just want time to myself. I don't want anyone touching me or talking to me. I need my time out.
I know we should get out with just the two of us but I really don't like leaving Koen very much at this stage. We do a lot of family stuff together. Gary and I do talk a lot each day. We communicate well. Next year, I'm hoping we will be able to go on a holiday together without the kids. It's just hard when you have kids because they just take, take, take (energy, time, attention). Obviously I love my kids and it is so worth it but I'm feeling a bit empty. Then it comes back to the fact that my mom is gone. The person who loved me the most is not here to love me. The person who cared about my day more than anyone else is not hear to listen.
(I LOVE his feet!!!!!)

Oh life. I love our lives. Always stuff to learn. Always stuff to work on. I need to be better at asking Gary about his day and caring about what it was like. I need him to continue to say `What can I do for you?' and `Go ahead, get out of the house. I've got the kids'. Always stuff to learn. Always stuff to work on.

And, on a lighter note...Kai is full of a billion questions, `Why can't we eat clouds?' `Why do we have hair?' and on and on. Goofball. He is obsessed with vehicles. He wants to know what kind they are, what colour car someone has etc. Going for walks with him has become mentally exhuasting as he needs to talk about every car we see.

Koen is cute and plump. He gets extremely frustrated when he can't manipulate a toy the way he wants to. And when I say frustrated, I mean, it sounds like he is in major pain. I can't wait until he has better hand eye coordination!

Anytime you touch near his neck, he giggles. Even if I'm changing him at 3am and I'm doing up his top button....giggles. Silly guy. Seriously though, what's up with 2 dirty diapers in the middle of the night, he's 4.5 months old!!! AND....I'm hesitant to say this but I think his reflux is gone! He has normal spitting up several times a day but I can even lay him down on his back and play with him now. His bed is no longer covered in regurgitated milk. He can wear the same outfit all day. Yippee! I'm still off of dairy so I'm not sure if he does have an allergy or insensitivity to it but we will see soon enough. He had some banana yesterday and didn't hate it so that was fun.
Okay, I better take the kids to the park, this weather is AMAZING!


  1. just had to say that the last picture of Koen DEFINITELY looks like you!!!!

  2. I really enjoyed today's photos!

  3. Most kids "outgrow" their reflux by 6 months, so he is right on track. Yay Koen!

  4. That is so great about the reflux! What contagious smiles your boys have.

  5. I also would like to know why we can't eat clouds. :) Love your blog Louise, and your gorgeous boys.