Growing Together

Our son, Kai, has been playing ball hockey for the past few months. I've faithfully attended his games and practices because I love watching.  Gary and I really enjoy playing sports (Gary played basketball in university) and both of us have a bit of a competitive side to us.  This competitive background, along with the experience of coaching, makes it a bit tricky navigating how much to encourage and challenge Kai.   I love seeing him learn positioning, teamwork and ball handling.  I don't want him to be the best; I want him to be his best.   It's a struggle for me when I see him running around the arena and I know that he could push harder– but maybe he's not sure he can.

We're both learning.  He's figuring out the game and how to be a better teammate. I'm learning about what kind of feedback I should provide him with to make him feel encouraged yet challenged.  Confident yet humble.  Together we are exploring how these post-game discussions should go.  Do I point out the great moves?  What about the things he could work on?  Can he recognize these areas himself?  Do we just celebrate that he had a fun time?

One of my favourite moments of the ball hockey season came last week.  We had our marriage class on the same night as his hockey game.  It was the first game that I would miss but fortunately my in-laws could take him.  I jokingly told him before leaving, "Don't score tonight!" as he had yet to score and was really wanting to– I didn't want to miss it!  Half way through our class, Gary got a text from his dad saying that he wasn't sure if he should tell me but our Kai Bear had scored his first goal.  I was so happy for him and yet sad that I wasn't there to see it and celebrate with him.

Early the next morning, Kai came to see me.  As we cuddled, he filled me in on the game and shared what his big moment was like.  Side by side we sat, smiling, celebrating, and savouring.  Even if I'm not sure that I'm saying the right things post-game, the fact that he wants to share it all with me sure means a lot.  Maybe helping him be his best is as simple as being there and taking an interest–letting him know that he matters and I care.

It's interesting entering a new stage of parenting and I look forward to learning more about myself and my kids as we go through it together.   If you have any words of advice on preteens (he's almost a preteen, right?!) and how to approach their activities and/or competition, I'd love to hear it!

Love,
Louise

Humble Confidence

I am pretty confident.  This doesn't mean that I think I'm great at everything, but it means that I feel very comfortable with who I am and what my abilities are.  I know I can continue learning to grow each and every day.   I'm thankful for this because from the ages of 12-15, I did not like who I was.  On the outside, I had a lot of friends and did well in school.  On the inside, I thought I was ugly, fat, boring, and would never have a boyfriend.   I was very hormonal and although I loved my family, I also felt embarrassed hanging out with them and my emotions were all over the place.  Angry, sad, happy, lonely.  So many emotions all the time, often taken out on my family, which was my safe place.  Why am I sharing this?  Well, I've been thinking a lot lately about confidence as we enter a new territory with Kai.

Our Kai Bear is confident and gifted.  When I say `gifted', I mean it.  He excels in Math, Science and Reading and is an enrichment program for Math. I say this so that you can understand why this is a bit tricky.  We have heard from his teachers, from the beginning, that he is an excellent student but that he needs to be reminded to be humble.  They've also addressed that he is competitive and needs to remember that playing well as a team is more important.  I know this.  He knows this.  We talk about being humble and team players, too.

My question is, how does one demonstrate confidence and pride in their work while remaining humble?  I'm proud of him.  I want to recognize that he is a hard worker.  I want to recognize that he gives 100% in most things.  I want to recognize that he's using that amazing brain that God gave him.  I want to recognize that I think he includes and encourages his siblings so well.   I don't want him to feel that he can't share his accomplishments because it will sound like bragging.  I don't want him to feel like he can't be competitive.  I don't actually see him bragging or being exclusive, but maybe it happens more in his social circle of friends.  Maybe it's mentioned as something for all kids to work on at this age.  Maybe we should put him in a team sport to work on it.

I'm wondering if any of you have struggled with this growing up and have any words of advice to give.  Have any of you have navigated through these issues with your own kids and have some wisdom to share?  Is there a book you'd recommend?  I would love to hear other perspectives or words of wisdom on maintaining a humble confidence.

Thank you.

Love,

Louise

Caring For Others

Kai's class is raising money to help families in need.  Together they decided to purchase seeds & tools, 4 fruit trees, a sheep, 2 chickens and a backpack with school supplies to help families through World Renew Gift Catalogue.  Each child was asked to fund raise approximately $11 each in order to make the total required.  It was suggested that they do chores but we decided to do something different as he does quite a few chores already.

We made some Chocolate Bark together.  We shopped, prepared and packaged it together (with me getting him to wash his hands 100 times).  He then took his brother and sister, while Gary or I stood on the sidewalk, and went door to door.   He had a very cute speech for every person, `Hi, my name is Kai and I'm your neighbour.  I'm .....'.  Every single person who he spoke to bought one.  Isn't that wild?  

Each bag costs about $1.50-$2.00 to make and he sells them for $3.00.  I asked if he wanted to sell them 2 for $5 in order to sell more quickly.  Kai said, `No, mom.  I don't care if it takes longer to sell them, I want to raise more money to give.'.  It brought me to tears.  This is what I yearn for for my kids.  A giving, caring heart.  Thinking of others.  I'm not saying he's always a wonderful kid but this makes me so thankful.  He's generally encouraging of others (especially his siblings) but he's also competitive and not always the most inclusive.  We have been working on being humble and thinking of others.   

The last batch (Oreo Candy Cane!) has been made and packaged and he is planning on going out tonight to sell it.  All together, after paying me back for supplies (that Callebaut chocolate is expensive!), he will have raised about $60!

I came across this article this morning,  `Are you raising nice kids?' .  It's a good read and a great reminder.  Yes, it's nice to see a great report card or a child happy about a new experience, but it's much greater to see a tender heart.

PS If you ever make chocolate bark to sell, people will not choose Dark Chocolate Craisin so don't even make it :)

Love,
Louise

Conversations with Kai

After discussing how Kai would like to wear jeans less often due to his activity level, we decided that twice a week was acceptable.
Me: Kai, you have so many nice jeans though!
Kai: Well, you can just sell them and buy me an iPod.

Kai loves the show Amazing Race and hopes to be on it one day.  I applied last year but I don't really have a `thing' that makes me interesting enough.
Kai: Mom, you and dad need to apply for the next Amazing Race!  Your `thing' will be that you broke your jaw and dad broke his clavicle.  You can be team hashtag #brokenbones.

What 8 year old says `hashtag broken bones'?

What 8 year old asks to sell their jeans to buy an iPod?

Times have changed. I feel old.

The Three Monkeys

I love having stats about the kids documented so that is what this will be!  It's so interesting to me how different they are.  A lot of it I saw when they were just babies but now the differences are just....exaggerated.  They love being together, but wow, can they fight.  This has been alleviated a bit in the van because someone (KOEN!!) has been moved to the backseat by himself.

Kai (8 years old): 

-60lbs

-4'3"

-loves American Ninja Warrior (the tv show) and practicing to be one.

-would like to marry an American so he can try out 

-loves school and his new teacher and the fact that his very good friend is in his class

-competitive

-loves to play Wii

-great hiker

-very `even keeled' like Gary.  Tends to be more serious.

-started climbing lessons and is so happy about it!

-plays with Koen at home.  They love to play Wii, a made up game with the stuffies, Pokemon, or practicing their American Ninja Warrior skills.   

-eats and drinks everything but still doesn't love dairy

Koen (5.5 years old)

-48lbs 3'8"

-started part time kindergarten (full days on M, W, Fri)

-enjoys playing Wii

-can physically keep up with Kai in most outdoor activities.  They are both very determined but where Kai has endurance, Koen has strength.  

-is emotional

-can make me lose my mind.  For real. I have no control over myself when parenting him sometimes.  This usually happens when disciplining him.  He will either be goofy and throwing his body around laughing OR he will continously ask the same question over and over while I'm trying to talk to him and if I don't understand, he cannot rephrase which makes him angrier and angrier.  This is so frustrating when trying to discipline him that there have been several times that I have had to chase him and carry him up to his room.  I hate the feeling of losing my mind but it can happen so quickly with him (usually on days when he spends a lot of time making Nya scream).

-bugs Nya all day long BUT is very good with her at the same time.

-loves to be silly

Nya (2.5 years old)

-27lbs (wow, not sure when that happened!), 2'9"

-loves older kids and Koen is her best friend

-loves Dora. Too much.

-can climb well

-speaks quite clearly and in long sentences

-very affectionate with her family.  She will tell us daily that she loves us so much.

-loves to be held

-strong willed.  Wants to wear a dress every day with flip flops. And not wear a sweater.  Or a bib.

-was potty trained for at least 6 months and then struggled a bit over the past 2 weeks (I think due to final molars coming in and holidays?!) we are working hard to get her back on track. 

-loves music and singing and dancing

-is somehow more attached to Koen than Kai.  She doesn't like to hold Kai's hand which hurts his feelings.  She also doesn't love to give him hugs.  She really, really loves the one that pesters her the most.  

-a smaller eater than her brothers but eats most types of food

-no more bottles :)  

-sleeps through the night 7pm to 7am

-hasn't napped in about 6 months 

-has a scar on her forehead from when she fell down the front steps.  There may be a little rock imbedded in there.

{Kai's first day of grade 3}

{Koen's first day of part time kindergarten.  His thoughts on the first day were that the toys weren't that fun and that there are only 99 days left until the 100 day party.}

{Yay! Two kids in school!  Less fighting in the house!  Now we just have to see how Nya does at daycare when I work later on this week.}

I feel bad for those that are not back in school.  I'm sorry :(  It's such a bad situation for the teachers, parents and students here in B.C.  I don't know the numbers on how it's affected the private schools but I know in Kai's class of 25, 5 students are new to the school.

I hope you're able to enjoy some sunshine this week!

Love,
Louise

Kai's Amazing Race Birthday

For Kai's 8th birthday, he really wanted an Amazing Race themed one.  Fortunately the weather was decent so we could have it at a local park!  

Gary made the clue box using leftover wood at our house and duct tape!  We divided the kids into two teams of four.  It was easy for us to manage this on our own.  If we had more helpers, and more friends,  I think three or four teams would be more fun.

Kai does not love pickled asparagus.  Koen does.

This was a road block where they could choose to throw the frisbee in the bin or shoot the puck from center court into the net.  They were given the frisbees to take home and Kai wrote a little note in each one.  Koen needs to work on his form.

Okay, so we're not exactly sure how many freckles Kai has but I said 367 :)  It was interesting the ways that the kids worked.  One team had each member memorize two things, the other had each person try to memorize them all.

Checking in with Gary to see if they had the right answers.

The next challenge was to either search for a matching pair of hidden animals in the playground or to beat Gary in a game of `Guess Who'.  Both teams chose to `Search It'.  Searching for something was a good activity and if we did this again, we'd add more searching stations.

Everyone had a chance to read the clues.  This was a great age for this kind of party because they can all read it themselves.

They had to choose one `Ninja Warrior' from each team.  Kai and Ani were selected.

There was a football throwing challenge with led this team first to the mat!  The second team was just a minute behind.

Nya and her little cousins just played on the playground the whole time. Thanks, Maria!

We brought our barbeque and had hot dogs.

Kai opened his presents.  Yes, he loves collecting gum and pokemon cards.  He also got a Spirograph which is probably the first arts and crafts type thing that he loves, I think it's because it's a bit math-y.

Kai doesn't love cake and cupcakes so we just had ice cream sundaes instead.  Gary roasted some marshmallows so they could have `smore' sundaes if they wanted.  Part of me really wanted to make an Amazing Race themed dessert but it probably saved us a few hours by just doing this :)

If you are planning an Amazing Race party, I would recommend doing more than seven tasks.  Proabably closer to twelve would be good.  Also, I found free printables on pinterest and then just filled them out in photoshop and printed them as 5X7's at Costco.  Cheaper than running our colour printer!  Also, if we had more time we would've decorated more `Amazing Race-ish' with red and yellow balloons and had the `Amazing Race' logo on the envelopes.  I have to remember Kai doesn't care about those details so really it would just be for me :)  

Overall, Kai LOVED his party and I'm so glad!  Super easy, active, and affordable.

If you ever decide to have an Amazing Race party, you are welcome to use our mat and clue box!

Hope you have a wonderful week.

Love, Louise

Parenting Is Hard

Kai was born eight years ago today.

This day really makes me reflect on what becoming a parent means.

I thought I knew what I was getting into but I had no idea.

Parenting is hard, hard, hard. 

The sleeplessness.  The poop.  The defiance.  The sleeplessness. The early mornings.  The flu. The repitition.  The fights. The destruction and smelliness and mess.

The 24/7/365.

If you don't think it's hard, then have some more kids.  You'll see.  If it's still not hard, borrow my kids.  If it's still not hard, take them all camping or to the waterpark in 30+C after getting up at 6 am every single day for the past 8 years (it seems).  Or, just let Koen throw a remote at your new flatscreen tv, that was a good one too.

Thankful to God, Gary, family, and friends to help me along the way.

My kids keep me humble.

I actually don't know everything.

They don't listen to half of what I say.  

Although, I probably don't listen to half of what Koen says (sorry, Koey, mommy loves you).

They will act in ways that make me mad and sad.

However, they will also do things that melt my heart, cause me to burst into laughter, and bring happy tears to my eyes.

Thankful for these three children and all they have taught me.

I love to see the world through their eyes. 

Ants are pretty cool.

Unconditional love. For each other.

They are truly amazing individuals and I hope they know it.

Happy 8th birthday, Kai!  I love you x infinity.

If you're looking for a sweeter post about yourself, Kai, it's found here :) 

PS At dinner tonight, I asked Kai for his Top 5 Life Events and here they are:

1. Philippines/Thailand

2. Disneyland

3. Mexico (yes, he travelled quite a bit with us)

4. Being born

5.  The international students living with us

Thankful Thursday | Kai's Birthday Edition

Kai turns 8 this weekend!  I remember going into labour with him. I remember the drive to the hospital and thinking `This is the drive that you always see on `A Baby Story' (TLC).  I remember sucking back on gas and asking the nurses if I was doing a good job.  I remember reaching 10 cm and pushing for hours and not being able to get him out which ended in an emergency C-section.  I remember feeling like I failed at his birth.  I remember being shocked when we found out he was 9 lbs 11oz.  I remember a rough first 6 months.  I remember Gary or I having to rock him to sleep for every single nap/bedtime.  I remember the sweet relief of him sleeping through the night at 6 months.

Although it felt like a rough start, things got so much better and he has been quite a joy to parent....most of the time.  I love seeing how he is so much like Gary and yet so much like myself.  Serious & silly.  Academic & playful.  This Thankful Thursday contains 10 things that I am thankful for about Kai.
  

Thankful for:

1.  His independence.  From a young age he has loved learning how to do things for himself.  Making his own food and learning how to work things around the house.  So helpful!

2.  His competitive nature.  I personally think competition is great as long as you are a team player.  This is something we are working on; including everyone even if they won't help you win.  Doing your best but helping others do their best too.   His competitive nature is what allows him to hike up the Grouse Grind and kick our butts doing so.

3. His ability to get along with everyone.  He was so excited to get our international students and includes them in everything.  He has so many friends at school, both girls and boys, and of all ages.

4.  His health.  I'm thankful that he is a strong, healthy young boy. He's really only had one `serious' illness which was Dengue Fever last summer.  Unlike Koen and Nya, a cold for him is no big deal.

5.  His love for school.  This is one major way that he takes after Gary and I.  He loves school, particularly math and science.  He was able to be challenged this year in an enrichment class and it was so good for him.  I love that he has never stopped asking questions.

6.  His confidence.  He doesn't care what he wears as long as it involves running shoes.  He isn't afraid of much.  We do work on remaining humble alongside this.

7.  His love for sports and activity.  Gary and I both love being active so I appreciate that he is fully on board with whatever activity we want to do.  

8. His adventurous spirit.  He will try pretty much everything.  Food, activities, experiences.  He just doesn't love avocados or sour cream.

9. His love for books.  I mean, he doesn't spend time in the day reading unless we remind him, but he does love a good book and is an excellent reader.

10. His calm demeanor.  He is usually really easy to discipline and discuss things with.  He remains pretty clear headed in almost all situations.  The only area where this becomes tricky is when he is playing with Koen; things can escalate quickly.

  

I remember when the doctor said that we were having a boy and I cried.  I didn't know how to raise a son (I thought).  I am so thankful that Koen and Nya have a big brother to lead them and to protect them.  I'm thankful for a son that likes to learn from what we have to say.  It's not all roses as he can be smelly and stubborn, but we are definitely very thankful for our Kai Bear.

Happy birthday, Bud!  

Love, Mom, Dad, Koen and Nya.