I'm a little freaked out. As soon as Jan had her baby, I realized that I'M NEXT. What am I freaked out about?
1. I'm a little freaked out that it feels like forever since I've had a baby and our family works/runs/functions so well and I don't want to lose this easy balance. However, I am also way too excited to welcome a little cute baby girl into this family and I know we will adjust.
{I love looking in these drawers!! I'm mostly excited about leggings and ruffled skirts.}
2. I'm a little worried about shooting three weddings in a row at 35, 36 and 37 weeks pregnant. I hope it isn't too hard on me physically/mentally and I really, really, really hope that I can work hard and finish editing them before babe is here so that I can have one full month off. In case you don't know, photographing a wedding is not just physically tiring, it's more mentally exhausting...it's go, go, go, non stop thinking/talking/engaging etc. I also wish I could wear running shoes and yoga pants for it:)
Oh ya, and I wouldn't mind seeing into the future so I could know how realistic it is shooting a wedding when babe is 2-6 months of age...hoping she takes a bottle!
{This mobile is not what I envisioned but it will have to do. My nieces `helped' me make the one with the hand stitching or whatever you call what I did. The rest were crazy glued:)}
3. I'm a lot freaked out about how this baby is coming into the world. I'm a planner and to be 34 weeks pregnant and not know whether it will be a VBA2C or C-section is a little frustrating. What does it depend on? Well, I have an ultrasound on April 30th. They will try to determine the baby's size based on that. If the baby looks like it will have a birth weight in the 8lb range (it could happen right?!), then a VBA2C is a lot more likely. I know ultrasounds are off. Koen was supposed to be 8.5lbs and he was 9.5lbs. Want to know my reasons for everything?
{I'm planning on replacing at least one photo with a newborn one or just taking a newborn one and enlarging it on a huge canvas because 8X10's are so small:)}
VBA2C PROS:
-Faster recovery!!!! Also less chance of respiratory problems for babe but really, it's more about the recovery. I like my exercise and I don't like major abdominal surgery. And seriously, the first 3 days are so painful. To me, anyway. Not being able to exercise for 6 weeks is tough for me and I hope to be playing football again in the fall:) Also, if my Graves Disease comes back (likely), I want to be in top physical form to tackle it.
-I've gone through labour before so I know how it goes. I made it almost all the way to the end (pushing for a couple of hours) so I know I can do it that part.
VBA2C CONS:
-Could go all the way through labour and end up with a C-section which makes infection a higher risk. I have about a 66% chance of success.
-I have several factors against me: 2 C-sections, babies over 8lbs 12 oz, had to be augmented with oxytocin last time
-higher chance of uterine rupture (about 1/150) and 1/2000 chance baby had brain damage or dies. My midwife was telling me that 1/2000 means something is so rare which helped me a bit. HOwever, to me, that doesn't sound rare. In the pamphlet, they equate it with being diagnosed with breast cancer in a year...something that seems likely in this family of mine:) We've had a few random things happen that I just can't risk it (mom gets cancer and dies, dad has heart attack and dies and is brought back, dad has cancer, all sisters pregnant at once etc).
-risk of shoulder dystocia (I don't care as much about broken bones but I do care about nerve damage and lack of oxygen to the brain).
{I love how big this dresser is. It's holding all of her clothes up to 12 months plus all the cloth diapers, crib sheets and receiving blankets.}
THE PLAN
I have my ultrasound on April 30th. I do think this baby is smaller as I'm just measuring only a touch bigger. With the boys I was always 1-2 weeks bigger. I have a tentative C-section date set as May 22nd. I wish it was a bit later but I didn't realize it was up to me to call and set it. In case you didn't know, May 22nd is in 39 more sleeps. I still don't know if the Langley OB's would take me on for sure but I think it depends a lot on the ultrasound.
MY HEART
I have been having nightmares (normal for 3rd trimester) for the past 2 months which usually involve murder and death. I think putting my baby at risk is just too scary for me and unless she's a little one, I will go for the C-section and suck up the recovery. I will appreciate my midwives role in making this my best C-section ever. I will have my sister donate breast milk for the first feed and/or more (my kids have both had low blood sugar and needed to be supplemented up to 24 hours), I will have Gary do skin to skin while I'm in recovery etc.
It's hard because I don't have my mom to come home with me and take care of me and babe for the first week but I do have a helpful husband and grandparents willing to help take the older boys while we are in the hospital.
So, until I meet with my OB on May 2nd, I will remain calm and just be prepared for whatever the decision will be. Praying that it is super duper clear.
Have a beautiful weekend! I'm looking forward to seeing friends, taking a few photos, going on a family outing and holding baby Jack again.
Love, Louise