Thursday, May 07, 2009

Three Years

Three years ago today, on a Sunday at 5pm, my mom went to heaven. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer in the fall of 2001 and had surgery, chemo and radiation. Then, in the fall of 2004, she was diagnosed with bone cancer. No cure. Average person lives 2 years. Very painful. Again she had chemo and radiation. She was supposed to be there for the birth of Kai, she said she'd be there til Christmas of 2006, but she died when I was 6 months pregnant. I was able to tell her I was having a boy. What an emotional moment that was. The first boy. Two days before she died, I told her what his name would be. Her eyes were closed but I got the feeling she thought `Kai' was a little too much of a weird name. She smiled at his middle name though....Deken.

Here my mom is with my cousin's baby about 6 months before she passed away. This picture is probably the hardest to look at of all of them because she loved babies. She had 5 of them. She wanted to be an oma. I WISH SHE COULD'VE MET MY BABIES. She wrote us a letter and in it she says she said she felt blessed to die slowly. She mourned the fact that she wouldn't meet her grandbabies (besides Maria's first daughter who was 3 months old). She felt bad about all the we and her would miss out on. HOwever, she said we have to treasure what we DO have, not what we don't. Here is a random assortment of pics, most are from the early 90's. I have hundreds of pictures of happy family memories but due to time constraints, I just randomly picked some.

Our last time all together at Green Lake.

In mom and dad's front yard
My UBC had been diagnosed right before this.


Massage train

I used to come home from UBC once a month to do my laundry, eat yummy food, and then mom would drive me back and give me $20. I think I'm eating some of her fresh bread here:)

I can always picture my mom in the kitchen. She spent so much time there and LOVED baking. That was one place where she spent quality time with us growing up, we could help her bake and cook.

Out on the boat. Check out that waistline after having 5 kids!

Boat again...

Mom and dad on the West Coast trail. I think they did it 3 times together.

Mom and dad loved the outdoors and spent tons of time out on the water.

Whistler family walk

Wow, we were on that boat a lot! Dad always went just a bit to close to all the seals and sea lions.

I'm about 14 here, I loved playing with my mom's hair


Long beach? Dad, you look young!

Niagra falls (I was 13)


Putting make up on my mom in Saskatchewan. My outfit was cool in 1992 okay?

Fishing in Bamfield...every summer. Trish, you loving all these pics of cute little you?

Newfoundland (we went across Canada one summer...a 6 week trip)

Please note that I'm carrying our video camera which is attached to the VCR. That's what they were like in 1992.

Mom and dad reading at the picnic table. Mom always read a ton on family vacations.

Mom baking with Trisha. Imagine if that was Kai instead of my sister Trish? If I had one wish, it would be that I could watch my mom with my kids. Just a minute of making Kokoes giggle and just one baking session with Kai. I wouldn't even have to talk to her, I would just want to see her being an oma to my kids. And I would take 10 billion pictures.
I have to say that the `C' word is not a hard word for me. The `M' word is hard. Mom. Do you know how many times people mention how their mom helped them out with their kids, they went out for lunch with their mom etc? WHY CAN'T MY MOM PLAY WITH MY KIDS? WHY CAN'T MY MOM SEE ME AS A MOM? Being a motherless mom is a sad thing. My mom would def. want me to cheer up and be a little more positive so, ya, I truly am thankful for all I have.
One of the reasons I blog so much is because if something ever happens to me, I want my kids to know how loved they were. I want them to know what their childhood was like. I loved my childhood but there are a lot of questions I can no longer ask. Dads just don't have the same memories as moms. See you one day mom. I hope that we know who our family is when we are in heaven.


  1. Thanks for sharing this Louise. It's so easy to see that your mom was an incredible woman.

  2. Praying for you on this difficult anniversary. And don't worry - you will recognize her instantly in heaven!

  3. What wonderful pictures and memories you have. Praying for you today.

  4. this is an amazing post. it is so wonderful to see the relationship you had with your mom; i am sure she would have been a proud oma to your boys! :)

  5. Cath Tucker8:56 PM


    Hugs and prayers for you today. It is really easy to see how much you loved your mom and what a wonderful person she was. She obviously passed on a lot of great qualities to you - you such an amazing mommy and wife with a great family!

  6. Loved the pictures Louise
    praying for you today and sunday

  7. That is Long Beach, I know it in an instant...

  8. I have tears in my eyes because I feel exactly what you do. I am sad for you just as I am sad for myself. Sometimes I think I should take an old picture of her and photoshop my kids into it, just to see what it could have been like. Our moms both would have been an amazing support to us and would have loved our kids. Thank you for sharing such beautiful memories.

  9. Wow. So many beautiful memories you have. I know it is so tough not having her since you became a mom. Last month, we thought my mom was having either a heart attack or a pulmonary embolism . The thought of losing my mom before having kids was almost unbearable. Thankfully it ended up being a spinal problem causing severe chest pain and pressure but it was really scary at the time - so I can imagine how hard it is.