Thursday, May 26, 2011

Our Marriage

On Saturday, Gary and I will celebrate 6 years of marriage. We're not doing anything too exciting to celebrate, just going out for dinner with just the two of us. Should be lovely and I'm excited. I love getting dressed up and going out! We are also having a photo session, with just the two of us, by Megan, sometime in the next couple of months which I am totally looking forward to. Like, a lot.

I have to say that it's been easy to be married but it hasn't been easy to have a good marriage. We're totally fine but I know we could be so much better. The main thing is that we let the busyness of life get in the way and that totally takes away from the time and energy that we need for each other. We do not have enough time for the two of us set aside. We get a sitter once every week or two, but that's for photography or our care group or something. We were supposed to go on a date on Monday but the boys were in the depths of their sicknesses (Koen is still in the depths) so we had to cancel. I know we need to set aside more time to have fun as a couple.

When I look back on our marriage, I think the lowest point was when Kai was born. Doesn't that sound terrible? My mom had died three months before and sleep deprivation was in full force. I wanted my mom around and she wasn't there to help. All I had was this annoying husband (I'm easily annoyed by the way). Once Kai started sleeping better, at 6 months, things improved greatly. Gary also had to deal with feelings of jealousy, in a sense. This little (10 lb) kid was getting all of my love, energy and attention and I was left with little for him to have. We made it through:) The second time, with Koen, was still tough, but so much easier. We knew what to expect and although sleep deprivation sucks soooo much, we had more patience for each other.

Thinking of some of the highest points of our marriage, I would have to say that there are a lot. Buying our first home. Getting pregnant with each boy. Meeting our boys for the first time. Going on holidays (Tofino, Drumheller, Alaska etc). Hiking together. And this is a weird one, but, seeing how Gary was when I was really sick. He gave 110% and did all he could for me while being super steady emotionally. Also, going through the adoption journey together has brought us closer together. We have learned more about ourselves and each other through it. Starting a business together...although it's not always the best idea to be partners with your partner, we sure do have a lot of fun with it.

When we got married, I wanted to have kids right away. Like, starting day 1. My mom had about a year left to live and I really wanted her to be around for it. Talking to friends, they encouraged us to wait at least 6 months. We did. Looking back, I wish we maybe had a little bit more time with just the two of us. Obviously I love my boys more than anything, but, I would've loved a bit more `Louise and Gary' time. We didn't date long and I was in Africa for 6 months right before we got engaged, and then, we were just engaged for 4 months.

I'm thankful for Gary. I'm thankful for his patience (mostly with me), hard work, and support with the kiddos. He's totally not who I imagined myself marrying, but he is so good for me, and, I like to think I'm pretty good for him. I look forward to the years ahead and hope and pray that we will grow old and wrinkly together. I say that not because I don't think we would be together, but because I hope we both live long enough to be old together, if that makes sense.

Happy 6th anniversary, Kiboko! (ha ha, I used to call him that because I liked the sound of actually means `hippo' in Swahili which isn't the most flattering:)


  1. Congratulations! I still remember having a great time at your wedding, complete with the 100 mile house Super 8 special - a jacuzzi next to our hotel bed :)

  2. It was good times at Green Lake. I remember mom being so happy that the Lake was being used to celebrate such a special day. Gary is a great guy for you for sure! Here's to many more good times :)

  3. Happy Anniversary! All the best in the years to come

  4. Anonymous12:53 AM

    I was just curious who you pictured yourself married too, and what made you realize gary was right for you? I'm in a similar situation and sometimes I wonder how you know someone is 'good enough'. Thanks!

  5. Happy Anniversary!!

  6. It's great to look back with some perspective to see how situations have shaped us and brought us to where we are.
    Happy Anniversary for tomorrow :)

  7. Anonymous3:24 PM

    Thanks for the awesome reply!

    -Anonymous (aka one of your old science students)

  8. Anonymous, (I moved my comment here because I had to change one thing:)

    My whole life I thought I would date an outgoing dutch guy who smiled a a lot and drank beer...sort of my background:) I dated several guys long term (2 years) but realized in my heart I could not marry them. It was for various reasons like their relationship with God and them being too emotional for me (I am emotional and needed someone `steady').

    When I met Gary, I thought he wasn't for me. He did some socially awkward things (I thought) and was too conservative for me.

    AFter knowing each other for a couple of years, we started dating. I knew after one week that I would marry him. We did break up and get back together (he did it because he wasn't sure about us) but I knew that he was right for me and who God had planned for me. He seemed different and that was a good thing. It was a mature relationship which I can't say I had before. I had been in love before, but didn't feel that deep commitment before.

    You deserve happiness and respect and support. You don't want to just get married to be married. I think you just know when you are with the right person.

    Hope some of that makes sense!

  9. Happy Anniversary!

  10. Happy anniversary (although belated by now)! I remember your wedding. Gorgeous hot weather, great friends, and lots of M-n-M's. You two make a great team and are fantastic parents. Wish we could see you more!