Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Romance At Costco

This is the final post on marriage that I'm doing (for now!) It is about romance; the feeling of excitement and emotional attachment associated with love. You can find the previous posts on marriage here.

I have a friend whose husband took her to Costco for a special occasion and she was completely confused (amongst other feelings.)   Gary may have taken me grocery shopping for Mother's Day last year. With the kids.  Yes, we like our walk to Extra Foods but we do it ALL. THE. TIME.   What were they thinking?  They were probably thinking that just spending time together doing something is romantic.  Most men want romance but are often afraid of failure in this department.  One of the reasons there may be a fear of failure is because their idea of romance may just be different than ours. In Shaunti Feldhahn's book, "For Women Only", it says that 60% of men desire the candlelight dinner but almost 40% said they preferred being active or going out and doing things with their wives.

{We did go out for dinner for our anniversary last week: Fat Cow And Oyster Bar.  Great food}

I asked Gary if he thought going to Home Depot or Costco together was romantic and he said, "It's not not romantic." So, there you go.  When we might get really disappointed in how they plan something, it may be that we just see it differently.   I'm thankful that I personally find it very romantic and fun to go hiking, camping, snowshoeing and running together.  Not that we do it often because of the kids, but when we do, it's awesome.  Since having kids, we have not gone on an overnight hike together and therefore are planing one for Garibaldi Lake this summer.  I hope it's as romantic as I think it will be...with all the sweating and mosquitoes:)

{I wonder if he found renovating our basement romantic? I did not.}

I have friends who show their "romantic" side with their husbands by golfing or playing video games with them.  Yes-- not my idea of romance but it may be theirs.  I would encourage you to ask him what his idea of romance is and then learn something new about the man in your life.

{Hiking the Stein Valley together.  Super hard hike in Grizzly country.}

To support your partner in the romance department, it's good to recognize their efforts (so when they suggest a post dinner walk, that's romance even though you may be wrangling three kids) and to encourage him (not criticize-oops!)  I know I personally have very high expectations for Mother's Day and I always seem to be disappointed.  The "small" things he does are met with "That's it?" and that is terrible of me.  If I encouraged those smaller things, I'm sure there would be more of them.

{Hiking at Harrison.  Gary said it is romantic when I devote 100% of my attention to him and not worry about getting back to the kids or whatever else we have to do.  Point noted.}

There are other issues connected to this like how we feel love.  I know so many times I've said, "Gary, can you just let me know how much you appreciate and love me?" and he'll say, "But I cook for you!"  The way we communicate our love is different and I think figuring that out early on in your relationship is definitely helpful.  Now I know when he cooks for me he's really shouting out, "I LOVE YOU!!!!" (and Gary does not speak in exclamation marks.)  I highly recommend the Five Love Languages if you haven't read it yet.

I'm going to make this one short but to sum up the whole book ("For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn),  I think if we can meet and address these inner needs of our men, he can more fully become who he was meant to be.  It's like having a cheerleader alongside cheering,  "You are great! You can do it! I believe in you!"  Who wouldn't want that?  So when we respect them, build them up, make home a safe place, desire them, put an effort into how we look, and finally, romance them (in their own way),  change will happen.  For the better.  It's not always easy to put them so high on our priority list, but I have noticed changes in the Chapman household and I like the idea that we have so much more that we can do.

I enjoyed this series.  I hope you got something out of it too!   Here's to understanding the men in our lives better.  Now, to get them to read the book about understanding women.... :)

Love, Louise

PS Would love to know what sort of activities you and your partners find romantic if you are able to share them!


  1. i love it, steves idea of romance would probably be gutting a moose together (which we may do this fall) BUT he would also say the same thing as gary in regards to being romantic - if i gave 100% of being in the moment with him instead of having to get back to the kids

  2. Such a great post, thanks Louise! Andrew thinks it's romantic to help him gut/butcher a deer. Also going to Cdn Tire or Home Depot together on our own would be probably be on his list too :)

  3. Rachel, it sounds like you should go on a double date with my youngest sister :)

  4. Haha oh man I'm so thankful that Spencer isn't into hunting and gutting deer or moose! I think his idea would be going to see all of the superhero movies in theatres! Pretty easy and I don't mind them either just harder to find the time to do it with his schedule!

  5. Anonymous10:56 AM

    This is one area where phil and I totally agree believe it or not. For mothers day he bought me a couples massage which we both loved!! We also love going for picnics and walks and getting dressed up nice and going downtown. I also think christmas is the most romantic time of year and we love spending the evening driving around looking at lights. Sounds maybe cliche but its what works for us :)

    Brianne )

  6. Kelsey-you're not the only one that said that! Several other people have mentioned that to me since!

    Brianne-that's so great! Just getting Gary to put on a pair of nice jeans is a task in itself:)