Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Adoption Update

Just so you know, there are two other posts below this one. I just have a hard time putting a bunch of random stuff together which is probably why I have 4 different blogs:) Talking about blogs, check out the latest wedding we did, it was so fun!

Someone fell asleep on the couch yesterday...they are both fighting colds AGAIN. I read back to when Kai was Koen's age and Kai had his first cold at 15 months! Koen has probably had 8 colds already.
Auntie Jackie is a public health care nurse so we get special home visits:) Sami is gaining weight nicely which is great considering Jan has had a few complications post C-section.

Okay, so this is about the adoption seminar we went to. It was a good day and it was overwhelming. You know, when I was pregnant, it really made me appreciate all those that had actually been pregnant before. When I was in labour, I was really proud of all the women that had gone through labour. When I had a C-section, I really admired all those that recovered from one. Does that make sense? You just don't realize the magnitude of something until you've been through part of it. Adoption is a huge process in many ways and I think some people don't understand it. Well, let's be honest, I didn't even know what was all involved in it until we looked into it!
(Opa with granddaughter number 3)
So, the paperwork portion...let me tell you what we'll be doing for the next 6 months:
1. Application
2. Medical checks for Gary and I (I really, really, really hope that Graves' Disease does not factor into this. I have been able to parent my kids just fine and I will continue to be able to).
3. Criminal Record Checks
4. Prior Contact Checks with the ministry
5. List of references

Then, in June, we have a 3 day seminar that we will be attending

6. Do the home study section which requires 6 visits with a social worker. Social worker will visit our home, have individual interviews with both Gary and I, talk to our kids, check out the safety of our home etc. This will take 2-3 months.
7. Fill out questionnaires and risk factors form. `Would you want to adopt a child that....'.
8. Prepare `Dear Birth Parent' letters and photobook/picture page of some sort of our family (this is covered in our 3 day seminar).
(Okay, isn't she so beautiful??)
At this point, it will be approx. September 2010 and if all goes according to plan, we will be considered `active'. At that point, it is an average of one year until you are matched with a child but it could be a month, it could be 2 years. You need to be chosen. Almost all of the matches are newborns...I believe that the oldest child that was adopted through this agency in the past year was 9 months old. We are currently open to any age child below the age of one.
(Koen pulls up a chair everywhere...I saw him heading to the stove top the other day. I have to keep my eye on this guy!)
I was emotional throughout the one day seminar. I was sad for the birth parents and I was sad for our future child and the struggles he or she may have due to his/her adoption. However, no matter what happens in life, whether your child is biological or adopted, there will be sadness and hard times. Fortunately, the happy, content, and joyous times should far outweigh that. I really, really hope to have a positive relationship with the birth parents and for them to be an active part of our baby's life.
(Koen will kick his legs against Kai to bug him. To be nice, he will go upstairs and get Bubi for Kai and give it to him, isn't that sweet? He calls Kai, `Dai'. He can also say `Bubi'. SOOOOOOO CUTE!!!)
Now, some interesting things that I have noted so far in this journey. The first two questions that people always ask are:

1. Are you adopting a girl? We seriously could never choose so we will take what God chooses for us! I would love either. I love my boys and I love little girls. I wouldn't want to adopt just so I could `ensure' that I would have a daughter, does that make sense?

2. It's really expensive isn't it? Well, it's about $12, 500 here and about $30,000 for international. Truly, I don't feel that it is that expensive when you see the amount of money you put into other things. Does that make sense? And, I can see where all the money is going. It goes to the agency for all the care that they provide to the birth moms, the seminars, the record checks etc.

Comments that might bug me a little are:
1. `You're skipping the hard part by adopting!' Are you joking? If I was someone who was unable to have kids I would be soooo upset by that comment. And, even as someone who has biological kids, the paperwork process and the emotional journey are not easy:) It's like saying a C-section is the easy way out of a vaginal delivery.

2. I don't know how to say this one...but when people make a comment like I'm doing some charity work or something. Like, `That's so great of you that you are willing to do that'. Does that make sense? I don't want to offend anyone here. It is great that people want to adopt but I don't think they are doing it because they want to be `good people'. We are adopting because we know there are kids that need a home and we have a fabulous one and we love kids! We would love another kid and instead of having a higher risk pregnancy, we would like to adopt.
** Please do not feel bad if you've ever made a comment like this!! Remember, I said they bug me a little!**
Okay, Kai is begging me to bake with him so I better! I do love baking with him. Kai has also started holding my hand when we go for our daily walks. He is not a very lovey dovey type kid so this is so nice for me, I just rub his hand in mine and smile. I love it.

(Koen must have his plastic golf club with him no matter where we go outside. He uses it like a hockey stick)

Have a great week and thank you for following our journey!
Love, Louise


  1. I just have to say, Louise, you are awesome!

  2. I can totally see where you're coming from. And you know, most people are just not aware. It's kinda like when someone dies - what do you say? Love that you had 3 new posts - I check every day and I was like "score!" :)

  3. Great update Louise...we have had a number of friends adopt lately and I actually think the process is much more demanding (in certain ways) than pregnancy. As for the comments...I agree with Lindsay; some people just aren't aware. The three years we went through infertility I heard some mind boggling comments. Like going on a vacation would fix my broken eggs??? And, yes, I know, I'm so lucky I can sleep in...who needs a baby? respond to your photo question on my blog...I HAVE been printing my faves out, but I'm considering doing online photo books in the future....what a HUGE project that would be! Yikes!

  4. I'm excited to follow your adoption journey - and I was also pumped to find all the posts today:)!

  5. it really is amazing to think about how much is involved with adopting! i hope you're able to enjoy it and not get too overwhelmed (but isn't having a new baby always a bit overwhelming? :))