Monday, February 17, 2014

Do You Grumble?

Do you ever grumble?  Do you complain?  I do.  I'm reading a book right now, Boundaries, and I have realized something new this past week.  It isn't rocket science but it has changed my perspective.

We need to let our boundaries known, in love, to those around us.   We don't want to hurt someone (I'm such a people pleaser!!!), so often we won't let them know that what they are doing or saying is bothering us.  I'm fine communicating with Gary but there are other places in my life where I really need to be confident in expressing my thoughts and concerns about how certain actions and words affect me.  Otherwise, I will just get more and more bitter.

A small example of this happened today.  I was getting our windshield fixed and the guy was going on and on about which chips were the best and worst and how to tackle each one.  Meanwhile, I had the two kids being CRAZY and whiny at my feet.  I could feel my blood pressure rising and thinking `Can he not see that I can't listen to him while these kids are driving me crazy?'.  You know what, maybe he just doesn't get it.  So, instead of trying to be `nice' and pretending to listen while exploding inside, I said, `I'm sorry, I'm really exhausted.  My insurance covers three chip repairs so I'll let you decide which ones to fix.  You are the expert!  We'll be back in an hour. Thank you.'. Phew.  Exhale. Out of there.  It's easier to do this with people that you are not close to, what about those you are close to?

There is something in particular that makes me grumble.  I have realized that it is UP TO ME to address it.  I mean, I knew that, but now I really know it and am challenged to do it.   It starts with the fact that I'm not very good at asking for help and I am working on it.   I think because I struggle with that, I am very sensitive to people's responses when I do ask.  It drives me crazy when I ask someone for something and they respond with `Well, I have ______________ (insert 10 things they are busy with) but I guess I can do it'  or `Well, I think I can make it work' (said in a tone of `this will be a pain in the butt but...).  It makes me feel like they really don't want to help but will because they have to.  I often feel like them helping me would be item number 2,000 on their list of things they'd like to do.

What would be a better way to respond?  Let me check my calendar and I'll get back to you.
And, if you need to say no?  No problem!  I don't expect people to help all the time.  Just say, `I would love to but that date doesn't work for me.' or  I'm sorry, I can't.

I would rather hear `I'm sorry, I can't.' than `I guess I could make it work'.

End rant. Does this bother you too?  Maybe I'm just too sensitive.  However, if these responses hurt me, I need to be clear on it and let them know.  It's up to me.

If you find yourself grumbling or complaining this week, I encourage you to think about WHY it causes you to grumble.  Maybe you haven't let that person know how something makes you feel. Maybe you need to make your expectations/abilities/boundaries clear.  So important in work situations too, right?

Have a good week, friends.  Gary's basketball season is over which is bittersweet.  I will say that having him home to make dinner tonight while I walked with a friend was AWESOME.  I haven't posted cute pictures of the kids in a few days, must get on that!

Love, Louise

`Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbour, for we are all members of one body...' Ephesians 4:25


  1. Anonymous6:45 AM

    Hi Louise,
    Good job at continuing to work through the book! It can be a tough read as I am sure a lot of people would put it down by now, but I admire that you are working through it. I am a people pleaser, and I can totally relate to your rant. I am working on this, and am surprised when I say No, that usually the other person is OK with it, and the guilt I feel is self-inflicted. That is my "homework" from that book, and it's been a few years since I read it, haha. God bless you as you make steps to a healthier you!!! Tia

  2. Yet another post where you have pretty much described me! Thanks for these good reminders :)

  3. Tia-thanks for the encouragement! WE are working through it as a book study so that helps with accountability! I wish I had learned so many things when I was younger but I guess the lessons that really stick are the ones that we learn from our mistakes!
    Katrina-we're kind of twins. Except you do step class and I wish I did :)