Ten Books I Loved This Year

 I love reading. When our neighbourhood built a community center with a library within walking distance, I shed a tear; I probably walk there two times a week. I try to always have an audiobook, for my walks, and a paper book on my night stand. Although I have read some lighter reads over the years, I really appreciate solid writing with inspiring and informative plots. You can follow me on Goodreads; I generally only read books if they have a rating over 4/5 there. Here are ten books that I really enjoyed in the past year. That said, I do love a memoir and didn't include any on this list. The last one I read was "Here After" and it's incredibly sad about the sudden loss of a spouse, if you're in the mood for immersing yourself in learning about grief. A "must read" memoir would be Educated by Tara Westover. 

*I highly recommend getting books from your public library or buying off Marketplace but if you want to buy them, I have included the Amazon links for each one--I am an affiliate so would make a small percentage*

Me in all my book attire from socks to shirt to earrings!

Okay, ten books I enjoyed this year? Here we go:

Could You Do a Year of Less?

Do you often buy a specialty coffee on work days? Get a manicure as a pick-me-up? Purchase new clothes because you're going to a wedding? I recently read The Year of Less by Cait Flanders in which she not only purged and decluttered over 50% of her household items but she decided not to buy anything new for an entire year unless it was consumable or on the "approved list" such as one new sweatshirt because she didn't have one. I've written about decluttering several times before specifically after reading Marie Kondo's The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. This book gives some food for thought and here are some of mine...

How to Cultivate Connection

Connection doesn't exist without giving and receiving. We need to give and we need to need. {Brenè Brown, Rising Strong}

Receiving is hard for me–gifts, compliments, help, even a cup of coffee–they are all difficult. Why? The reasons range from "I don't want them to spend money on me" to "I don't want to inconvenience them" to "someone else deserves it more" and  "I don't know how to respond."

`The Joy of Missing Out: Finding Balance in a Wired World' {Review}

"Lasting change happens when people see for themselves that a different way of living is more fulfilling than their present one" - Eknath Easweran

I use the Internet a lot.  Whether it's googling my kid's latest symptoms, mapquesting a new location, banking, emailing, or updating my Instagram account, it is a huge part of my life.  I think it makes day to day life more efficient and convenient.  However, now that I've had my iPhone for about a year, I can see that I love it a bit too much.  Have you ever taken a step back and looked at yourself when your phone is misplaced?!   Also, with my eldest turning 9 soon, I'm feeling the pressure of teaching him wisdom, safety, and self control in regards to the wonderful world wide web so I better figure it out first.

In order to start reflecting on my usage and the potential changes that I could make,  I read the book `The Joy of Missing Out: Finding Balance in a Wired World' by Christina Crook.  Christina is a journalist, TEDx speaker, wife and mother of three.  She said `goodbye' to the Internet for 31 days.  No Facebook, email, Netflix, blogging, online banking etc for a month.  Could you do it? I don't think I could.

Christina addresses three main areas in attaining a balance in the digital world; where we are now technologically and how we got here, what the impact is on ourselves and our families, and finally, different ideas on how to detox and create new habits.  She tackles this by sharing informative resources and quotes, descriptive storytelling, and first hand experiences.

I want to share a few of the many questions that Christina either poses or considers:

Did you know that teenagers are losing the ability to read faces and empathize due to so many of their interactions happening online?  When they type `LOL' are they actually even smiling at all?

Are you really forming connections and relationships online or are they just `likes' and `shares' and nothing deeper?

What moves and sustains you?  What do you seek?

Did you know Japan has `fasting' camps for Internet addicted youth?

In answering the question `What do you seek?', I know that I want to be more present with my family.  I don't want my kids to see me on my phone all the time.  It's easier when I'm at work because it would be frowned upon to be checking out social media sites, but at home...oh boy...it helps me feel like I'm escaping the monotony.  What moves and sustains me?  I love the outdoors.  I love travel.  I love exploring.  I need to make sure that we do more of this as a family.

Christina provides many ideas on how to adjust your social media usage. She has a long term plan so that it's much more attainable and realistic.   One of the changes that I am going to be implementing is being offline on Sundays from 7 am to 7 pm.  I'll let you know how it goes...on Monday!

I would encourage you to have a discussion with yourself and/or a loved one on what balance might look like in your life.  The decisions we make in regards to the Internet will impact our children and therefore future generations.  I appreciate that Christina remains positive and hopeful throughout. She recognizes the benefits of the Internet but really encourages reflection, change and balance.

As written on page 142:

Yes to freedom.

Yes to simpler.

Yes to together.

Sounds good, right?

She quotes Henry David Thoreau in her book saying, `Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.' (pg. 154).   I want this.  Connect......to others, not just the Internet.  I would love to hear your thoughts on your personal online and offline balance!

Love,

Louise 

{This is a picture of the lovely Christina Crook}

If you are interested in reading a sample chapter, learning more, or purchasing her book, you can find it here.  If purchasing, just indicate in `Additional Information' that you are a friend of Jelly Marketing and it will get mailed out right away.

**Disclaimer: I was given a copy of this book to facilitate the review.  The opinions here are my own.**

Do You Grumble?

Do you ever grumble?  Do you complain?  I do.  I'm reading a book right now, Boundaries, and I have realized something new this past week.  It isn't rocket science but it has changed my perspective.

We need to let our boundaries known, in love, to those around us.   We don't want to hurt someone (I'm such a people pleaser!!!), so often we won't let them know that what they are doing or saying is bothering us.  I'm fine communicating with Gary but there are other places in my life where I really need to be confident in expressing my thoughts and concerns about how certain actions and words affect me.  Otherwise, I will just get more and more bitter.

A small example of this happened today.  I was getting our windshield fixed and the guy was going on and on about which chips were the best and worst and how to tackle each one.  Meanwhile, I had the two kids being CRAZY and whiny at my feet.  I could feel my blood pressure rising and thinking `Can he not see that I can't listen to him while these kids are driving me crazy?'.  You know what, maybe he just doesn't get it.  So, instead of trying to be `nice' and pretending to listen while exploding inside, I said, `I'm sorry, I'm really exhausted.  My insurance covers three chip repairs so I'll let you decide which ones to fix.  You are the expert!  We'll be back in an hour. Thank you.'. Phew.  Exhale. Out of there.  It's easier to do this with people that you are not close to, what about those you are close to?

There is something in particular that makes me grumble.  I have realized that it is UP TO ME to address it.  I mean, I knew that, but now I really know it and am challenged to do it.   It starts with the fact that I'm not very good at asking for help and I am working on it.   I think because I struggle with that, I am very sensitive to people's responses when I do ask.  It drives me crazy when I ask someone for something and they respond with `Well, I have ______________ (insert 10 things they are busy with) but I guess I can do it'  or `Well, I think I can make it work' (said in a tone of `this will be a pain in the butt but...).  It makes me feel like they really don't want to help but will because they have to.  I often feel like them helping me would be item number 2,000 on their list of things they'd like to do.

What would be a better way to respond?  Let me check my calendar and I'll get back to you.
And, if you need to say no?  No problem!  I don't expect people to help all the time.  Just say, `I would love to but that date doesn't work for me.' or  I'm sorry, I can't.

I would rather hear `I'm sorry, I can't.' than `I guess I could make it work'.

End rant. Does this bother you too?  Maybe I'm just too sensitive.  However, if these responses hurt me, I need to be clear on it and let them know.  It's up to me.

If you find yourself grumbling or complaining this week, I encourage you to think about WHY it causes you to grumble.  Maybe you haven't let that person know how something makes you feel. Maybe you need to make your expectations/abilities/boundaries clear.  So important in work situations too, right?

Have a good week, friends.  Gary's basketball season is over which is bittersweet.  I will say that having him home to make dinner tonight while I walked with a friend was AWESOME.  I haven't posted cute pictures of the kids in a few days, must get on that!

Love, Louise

`Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbour, for we are all members of one body...' Ephesians 4:25

Love Languages of Children

I recently read The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman. I had gone through The Five Love Languages book for adults before and found that helpful for our marriage. I would recommend this book to you if you have children and especially over the age of four.

Simplicity Parenting

I'm reading a parenting book right  now that I would highly recommend.  It is called `Simplicity Parenting' by Kim Payne.  The subtitle is `Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kids'.  It's not rocket  science.   A lot of it describes my childhood and I am very thankful to have had such a good one.  Things like routines in the day, family dinners together, fewer toys and clothes and food options (less clutter overall), time outside with nature, talking about what the next day will be like, AMPLE DOWN TIME etc.  The importance of boredom (the creativity that stems from it) and anticipation (not constantly getting but looking forward).

These days I feel pressure to put my kids in `stuff' but I know that they are near their max already.  Kai and Koen, with unstructured time, can spend HOURS together playing `Amazing Race' with their stuffies or digging in the garden or whatever they are doing.  And seriously, are we supposed to do play dates every day?!  Way too stressful for this momma.

Here's one quote, `In the tapestry of childhood, what stands out isn't the splashy, blow-out trip to Disneyland but the common thread that runs throughout and repeat; the family dinners, the nature walks, reading together and bedtime..., Saturday morning pancakes.'.  

I am trying to get through it in the evenings as it's got a hold on it at the library so I need to get it back.  But, I just thought I would take a second to recommend it as it was recommended to me and I do like it!

Louise