Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Adoption Update: Still Waiting

{My friend, Melissa, and her beautiful baby belly}
We have almost been active for 4 months. They (adoption agency) have told us nothing. This is normal. I have emailed and called them several times for updates and all I know is that one person has looked at our profile (at the beginning of Nov). No feedback on it. No other information. It's hard. I feel like calling them every week to ask what's new but I'm restricting myself to every 6 weeks:) It's not that I feel that I `need' a baby right now, but I have the desire to know that we will be bringing home a baby in 2011. When I hear the news I will be the biggest emotional mess of my life and I can't wait.

I've tried to discuss baby names with Gary but he is not helpful in that department. I basically have to think of them and then ask his opinion. I get a `that's okay' or `not my favourite'. Not a whole lot of help. I do have a couple of boy names that I like but not a single girl name:) I also don't want to get set on a name because I would love to have that conversation with the birth parents and also take ethnicity into account.

The other thing I've been thinking about is that I am planning on breastfeeding our baby. I wasn't sure if I wanted to share that information right now, but I think it's good for people to know that you can do it! Some might think it's a little weird but I think it's beautiful and I really hope it works out. If you have done this (breastfed a baby that you did not birth), please let me know how you did it! My doctor has given me domperidone to start taking as soon as I hear any news and then I plan on pumping several times throughout the day (I'll be desperately looking for a double electric pump at that time). I'm not sure about taking medication...I may want to try more natural remedies like fenugreek. We'll see. With both boys, the first 2 weeks (or 2 months in Koen's case) were pretty rough breastfeeding but I'm glad I stuck with it. I really, really hope that I can do it again. It's weird. I don't have a desire to be pregnant, but I do have the desire to breastfeed a baby again. I really enjoyed that bonding time with my babies and I think, that for me, it will be another great bonding time at a time when we may really need it. I think that I will be quite upset if it doesn't work out, but at the same time, I am realistic. My doctor pretty much said that it is rarely successful BUT I have done it twice before so hopefully my body can do what it's done before!

So ya, no news. Just waiting and praying...what else can you do?


  1. and what if it's not God's plan for you to have a baby in 2011?

  2. Rachel-not sure if you mean this as `Remember, God is in control!' or `What is your plan if a baby does not join your family in 2011?'. So, I'll answer both:)

    I am totally trying to trust God's big picture, it's just sometimes hard. You know when your body/heart just knew that you were ready for another little one?

    So, if it doesn't happen in 2011, we will revisit several options:
    1. Try for a biological child
    2. Adopt a little less locally
    3. Continue to wait
    4. Be content with our family of 4.

    However, we really do hope and pray that this works out as it is what we really feel is how our family is meant to be complete.

  3. I think that's great!! I have heard of mother's breastfeeding babies that they didn't birth and I think that's wonderful. I hope it works out for you!

  4. Anonymous1:10 PM

    Being realistic is sometimes so hard, especially when our hearts desire is so strong. I will keep praying that this will be God's answer for you and Gary in 2011. I have heard of someone who did breastfeed a baby that they didn't birth. Will remember that in prayer too!

  5. I have a double electric breastpump...just so you know!

  6. I have a double electric breast pump too!! So now you have access to two of them :) Ha ha!
    Yes, the reason it's rarely successful is because (a) there is a vortex of lack of support for adoptive breastfeeding moms and support is the #1 factor that research shows to be the component in successful breastfeeding for any mom-baby dyad, and (b) it is more difficult to build up a supply if you have never given birth.
    The breasts mature a lot while you're pregnant, and then mature some more with subsequent pregnancies, so the fact that you've bfed two is totally on your side.
    Google breastfeeding adopted babies and there ARE sites out there for women who want to do it, including Jack Newman's site has a section on adoptive breastfeeding! Great info there.

    Babies 'learn' to bottle feed just as they 'learn' to breastfeed, so if you have a supply going it's just a matter of tapping into the baby's instinctual feeding behaviors and learning to breastfeed! Especially if your baby is fairly young, your chances of success are great.

    There was a woman in Chilliwack who bfed a bunch of her adopted babies, and the oldest one she taught to bfeed was 9 months!

    Best of luck, I'm here for you if/when you need it, but you're well on your way. Three cheers for you! I can't wait til your baby news comes....
    VERY excited for you!

    And thanks again for the photogs, I'm going to post them today!! xo

  7. I think that is so great that you are planning to breastfeed. I hope that you have success with this.

  8. i've heard of people breast-feeding their adopted babies too; one friend used domperidone, which worked with pumping.
    i am an impatient person, so i feel your struggle with having to wait! Praying for patience as you wait on God :)

  9. Ha. I beat everyone. I have a double electric HANDS FREE pump (freestyle). This is wonderful as you can
    - Pump + drive. This is how I got back to work at 4 months and still made customer meetings.
    - Pump + laundry. Being mobile while pumping is how I survived 16 weeks before Riley learned how to bfeed.
    - Pump + conference call... so many conference calls, so few boobs.
    And because its so easy to use (forget you're wearing it), you wear it more and just let it timeout after 30 minutes and stimulation == milk. Super.

    You can get fenugreek at an indian store (it's way cheaper than the pills). You have enough when you smell like maple syrup and too much when you stink like a bazaar.

    I also have lots of empathy and encouragement - which you'll need.

    Finally, I have hope that you will welcome a lovely addition to your family soon. It must be so tough not knowing.

  10. The wife of one of Mike's coworkers breastfed two adopted babies after their first biological child - really neat to see, since the youngest babe was the cutest little African American baby from Florida and mom is very white :) The baby was the same age as Coby, and I have never seen a child so attached to her mom.

  11. Breastfeed, yes!! I got so excited when I read this.

    I did a bunch of research on relactation for use in emergencies in war zones (i.e. in the jungle when a mother died in childbirth and there was no access to formula) when I was working with ethnic minorities in Burma and learned that it is possible - especially if you've been pregnant before and breastfed. I even met a grandmother who breastfed her youngest grandchildren while her daughter worked in the fields all day.

    I will pray that you get to do this. What an amazing way to bond with your child. What a gift for both of you! and I can relate to the desire to breastfeed your adopted child. I ache whenever I see someone breastfeeding a child who is a similar age as my daughter.