Friday, September 17, 2010

Trendy

This weeks random jabbering on our adoption journey.

Here is a conversation I had with someone this week:
Person: You have such a glow! Are you pregnant?
Me: No, but we are expecting through adoption.
Person: Oh, that's great!
Me: Ya, we're really excited.
Person: Well, aren't you trendy! (75% joking, 25% serious)
Me: That's why were doing it! (100% joking).

I'm not trendy one bit. Look at my hair, my clothes, my car. Ya. I do not do things to be cool. We are obviously not doing it to be cool. I'm so thankful for the people that we have in our lives who have brought children into their homes through adoption. We do not have adoption in our families, anywhere. However, we do have friends that have like Melissa and Brent, and now, Jen and Andrey!! I'm so thankful that their journeys have helped bring us to where we are today...they have made something so unfamiliar to us, familiar.

And this is my guilty confession: I have not read one book on adoption. This is 100% the opposite of normal Louise. I have attended the conferences and spoken to a lot of adoptive parents but I have not read one book. I have asked for recommendations of good books but I haven't actually read any. I did go to Chapters and to the library and found out that there are maybe 2 books somewhat related, that I would never read.

I read a ton about parenting, babies, and kids, before we had kids and when Kai was a newborn. I found the books stressed me out and made it worse. Too many different opinions, I didn't know who to listen to! I will seek the advice of those that have gone through it before. I will seek the support of others around me. Maybe if something specific comes up, I will look for a book on that topic.

Our first month of actual waiting went well. We are so insanely busy that I don't have a lot of time to focus on it. Although I'll be honest, one of the major reasons why I want to push through this basement reno so quickly is just in case, by some teensy tiny chance, we get matched in the next couple of months, I want the basement done. There is no way I could finish the reno while bringing a newborn into our home! I want that time to just be us. Our family.

Okay, Koen is awake and we need to get Kai from preschool. Have a fabulous weekend!!! Gary and I are going to spend any free time insulating the basement! Woohoo?!
Louise



8 comments:

  1. Wow...I know several families who have adopted but not once did I think it was becoming 'trendy. Maybe more common, but given the process, I wouldn't call it trendy.

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  2. Your take on reading parenting books when you had Kai is interesting because I feel/felt exactly the same way! They definitely made me more anxious/stressed than if I hadn't read them at all (I think).

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  3. I've gotten some "incredible" responses to our adoption plans too. People can be so ignorant. I get frustrated that if more people would open up their minds a little bit there would be a lot less orphans in the world.

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  4. Trendy? That's a first for me, too. I would be seriously worried about any family who chose to adopt just because it was trendy.

    I'm glad you have this reno to keep you busy while you kick off your wait of unknown duration. It will be nice when it's done then you can look to something else you want to get done before baby comes. Then for a little while you may kind of hope that baby doesn't come because you want to finish such and such. This pretty much explains the past 2 years for me. I finished midwifery school, then passed my board exam, traveled to India, did a short midwifery internship, worked as midwife and then started on a plan to coordinate training for the clinic where I volunteer. We got that call in the middle of my first training class! I am thankful for all those distractions! In the end you'll look back and have something to show for your wait - however long it was.

    I do recommend reading a few adoption books though. From what I hear parenting can be quite different with an adopted child just to familiarize yourself with the common challenges faced by adoptive families but I do think you should be choosy about which ones you read. Stay away from books that focus on all the negative or the worst-possible scenarios (which are the minority) and the same goes for books that paint an unrealistic, dreamy 100% positive picture of adoption. The best books have a good balance of challenges and success stories. The best thing I learned so far is that all adopted children have special needs. All adoptive families have challenges but these challenges can be safely and successfully navigated if you educate yourself, have a good support system and are willing to deal with your own emotional baggage as much as possible beforehand. If anything, having read what I've read has served to significantly reduce my anxiety level about our daughter's up-coming adjustment to our family. I feel prepared, confident, and up for the potential and unknown challenges because I feel familiar with what kind of things i may be faced with and have support and tools at the ready to deal with them. To me, this is worth a lot!

    And to be honest, with the amount of time I've had, I actually haven't read that much. I've only read 3 adoption books cover to cover and have referenced a fourth. By the third book the information was already sounding familiar and similar to what I had read in the other books. I got a ton out of all of them. I think you could get your hands on 1-2 good books and make that your minimum reading goals. It would be a good use of time in my opinion.

    Who knows? I may have some totally different advice a month from now! :-)

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  5. This is a first for me, commenting twice on the same post. Anyways, maybe a book/info on attachment would be good (from a few people who've adopted several years ago, but then again, most of them did not receive babies either) as they've considered the info coming a bit late sometimes.

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  6. Jen-what would be your TOP recommended book? I will get it off of Amazon this weekend:)

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  7. Okay, I'll email you my adoption book recommendations...

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  8. Trendy.... what a weird comment.

    I love to hear about your "expectant glow" :)

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