Friday, April 13, 2012

I'm Next; A Minor Freak Out

I'm a little freaked out. As soon as Jan had her baby, I realized that I'M NEXT. What am I freaked out about?

1. I'm a little freaked out that it feels like forever since I've had a baby and our family works/runs/functions so well and I don't want to lose this easy balance. However, I am also way too excited to welcome a little cute baby girl into this family and I know we will adjust.
{I love looking in these drawers!! I'm mostly excited about leggings and ruffled skirts.}

2. I'm a little worried about shooting three weddings in a row at 35, 36 and 37 weeks pregnant. I hope it isn't too hard on me physically/mentally and I really, really, really hope that I can work hard and finish editing them before babe is here so that I can have one full month off. In case you don't know, photographing a wedding is not just physically tiring, it's more mentally's go, go, go, non stop thinking/talking/engaging etc. I also wish I could wear running shoes and yoga pants for it:)

Oh ya, and I wouldn't mind seeing into the future so I could know how realistic it is shooting a wedding when babe is 2-6 months of age...hoping she takes a bottle!
{This mobile is not what I envisioned but it will have to do. My nieces `helped' me make the one with the hand stitching or whatever you call what I did. The rest were crazy glued:)}

3. I'm a lot freaked out about how this baby is coming into the world. I'm a planner and to be 34 weeks pregnant and not know whether it will be a VBA2C or C-section is a little frustrating. What does it depend on? Well, I have an ultrasound on April 30th. They will try to determine the baby's size based on that. If the baby looks like it will have a birth weight in the 8lb range (it could happen right?!), then a VBA2C is a lot more likely. I know ultrasounds are off. Koen was supposed to be 8.5lbs and he was 9.5lbs. Want to know my reasons for everything?
{I'm planning on replacing at least one photo with a newborn one or just taking a newborn one and enlarging it on a huge canvas because 8X10's are so small:)}

-Faster recovery!!!! Also less chance of respiratory problems for babe but really, it's more about the recovery. I like my exercise and I don't like major abdominal surgery. And seriously, the first 3 days are so painful. To me, anyway. Not being able to exercise for 6 weeks is tough for me and I hope to be playing football again in the fall:) Also, if my Graves Disease comes back (likely), I want to be in top physical form to tackle it.

-I've gone through labour before so I know how it goes. I made it almost all the way to the end (pushing for a couple of hours) so I know I can do it that part.

-Could go all the way through labour and end up with a C-section which makes infection a higher risk. I have about a 66% chance of success.

-I have several factors against me: 2 C-sections, babies over 8lbs 12 oz, had to be augmented with oxytocin last time

-higher chance of uterine rupture (about 1/150) and 1/2000 chance baby had brain damage or dies. My midwife was telling me that 1/2000 means something is so rare which helped me a bit. HOwever, to me, that doesn't sound rare. In the pamphlet, they equate it with being diagnosed with breast cancer in a year...something that seems likely in this family of mine:) We've had a few random things happen that I just can't risk it (mom gets cancer and dies, dad has heart attack and dies and is brought back, dad has cancer, all sisters pregnant at once etc).

-risk of shoulder dystocia (I don't care as much about broken bones but I do care about nerve damage and lack of oxygen to the brain).
{I love how big this dresser is. It's holding all of her clothes up to 12 months plus all the cloth diapers, crib sheets and receiving blankets.}

I have my ultrasound on April 30th. I do think this baby is smaller as I'm just measuring only a touch bigger. With the boys I was always 1-2 weeks bigger. I have a tentative C-section date set as May 22nd. I wish it was a bit later but I didn't realize it was up to me to call and set it. In case you didn't know, May 22nd is in 39 more sleeps. I still don't know if the Langley OB's would take me on for sure but I think it depends a lot on the ultrasound.

I have been having nightmares (normal for 3rd trimester) for the past 2 months which usually involve murder and death. I think putting my baby at risk is just too scary for me and unless she's a little one, I will go for the C-section and suck up the recovery. I will appreciate my midwives role in making this my best C-section ever. I will have my sister donate breast milk for the first feed and/or more (my kids have both had low blood sugar and needed to be supplemented up to 24 hours), I will have Gary do skin to skin while I'm in recovery etc.

It's hard because I don't have my mom to come home with me and take care of me and babe for the first week but I do have a helpful husband and grandparents willing to help take the older boys while we are in the hospital.

So, until I meet with my OB on May 2nd, I will remain calm and just be prepared for whatever the decision will be. Praying that it is super duper clear.

Have a beautiful weekend! I'm looking forward to seeing friends, taking a few photos, going on a family outing and holding baby Jack again.

Love, Louise


  1. Lots to consider! May 22 is Taeya's birthday (have i said that before?), but boy, being able to have a VBA2C would be pretty cool :)
    LOVE that dresser!!!

  2. Kelly, I didn't know that May 22nd was Taeya's bday! I just love the whole month of May (also our anniversary month) and I'm glad to have a spring baby:) Koen was in January and we were just so sick for so long. Here's hoping we stay healthy!

  3. Babe! I'm glad you did this post. You are so level headed and methodical about your choices, and laying out the pros and cons it is just so clear that you have good reasons for both scenarios.

    I think it is good to remember that there is risk to both options, C/S and VBA2C, that the risk is low, and that God is the one who decides life or death for all of us. Every single one. You make the best decisions you can based on what you know and how you feel God leads you, and God is responsible ultimately for the rest. Although God has asked a TON of you in this life so far, as far as grief and hardship, He has also carried you always. He is good. And he has good plans for you.

    I don't know if you find that helpful, but I know I find big decisions a small bit easier if I remember that the life or death bit isn't up to me.

    I think also we feel better as humans when we DO something. When we act. Waiting expectantly for labour to come and allowing time and nature to take its course feels like not doing something. So if we choose nature and something goes wrong we feel worse than if we chose surgery and something goes wrong because with surgery we can think, "We did everything we could." Does that make sense? But in reality God has designed our bodies well, and built the waiting expectantly bit into birth on purpose. For whatever reason.

    This is not to say a cesarean is bad. They are a way to GIVE BIRTH!! So beautiful. And I don't regret mine. I hear you on the healing bit, though. Whew, that was tough. The comparison is unreal.

    I like that you're a planner. It's good. This whole birth plan thing has been crazy whacky and challenging that characteristic in you that loves to plan, hey? I'm interested to see what God has in store. And I'm crossing all my digits and all my appendages and even my TONGUE that she is small, for you. =)

    Sure ultrasound isn't great for size measurements. But it's something. Combined with fundal height and midwife palpation, and you will have a guesstimate that will help you make a final decision.

    Hang in there, Louise! We all freak out a bit at the end. Aw, I already know she's going to be the easiest baby ever, she'll fit in your family no problem and sleep 12 hours by 4 weeks like Amarys did. =D Third babies are often so calm! And if you need a babysitter while you shoot those weddings post partum, you know who to call!?!! (me.)

  4. Can't resist...

  5. May is my favourite month of the year - our anniversary month too!

    Praying for peace as you and Gary make your decisions about birth process.

    When that baby girl arrives, she sure has a nice nursery to come home to!

  6. Anonymous5:26 PM

    I don't remember my first c-section recovery at all, pain or not (but I had unrelated health problems at the time which took up my concentration), but for my second, we did it at langley and they gave me a pain medication called Voltarin, and I felt like a million bucks... It's not fun to "take", 'cause it's a suppository, but it sure worked! I'm not nearly as physical as you are, but I really felt no pain, and was out and about walking around my neighborhood by 4 weeks postpartum, which was as soon as I felt even rested enough for doing anything.

    I'm praying, though, that your sweet baby girl is the appropriate size for a successful vba2c!


  7. Hey Beth, I was at langley for my first two as well and they were good. I got to experience good old Voltarin:)