Sunday, January 23, 2011

Ready To Fall In Love Again

{Uncle Tyler reading to the boys tonight. It's Kai's new favourite book all about the human body. Kai is specifically fascinated by white blood cells and I love how nerdy he is.}

Just a few random things first:
1. Had a great wedding on Saturday. It involved tractors and semi trucks. Can't wait to start editing tomorrow!
2. The Oil of Oregano seems to be helping Koen. I don't know how he drinks that stuff but we just put it in some juice (okay, so he never gets juice, that must be why he's drinking it). It seems as though his cold/cough/stuffiness is not as extreme now and he seems to be moving through the cold more quickly. I'm very hopeful!
3. Gary is going on his winter camp out this week.
4. I ran 5km today. Go me!
5. Totally looking forward to spring break. Fun times with our family (Tofino and Green Lake).
6. I've been working on our 2010 photobook and trying to finish it by Feb. 13th so I can get the `buy one get one free' through I have a groupon for it so I'm trying it out as I would normally use shutterfly or blurb.
And now. I've reached a new stage. Maybe I'm just hormonal these days but man, seeing a pregnant belly makes me teary eyed. I think it is the most beautiful thing in the world. It's not that I want that baby belly, I just am so ready for a baby. I am not so ready for the sleepless nights (Yikes! I'm a little nervous for that!), but, I am so ready to fall in love with a new member of our family. I remember when I was pregnant with Koen and I was worried I could never love baby #2 as much as Kai. Boy, was I wrong. The amount of love that I have is more than I ever imagined, I can't even explain it. It's like my heart just grew, bigger and deeper, and I know that it will continue to. I love getting to know the boys more and more each day. I am just really looking forward to getting to know another little guy/girl and having our family grow. I seriously have no idea how my body will even function when we get `the call'...I have a feeling that it will be the highest high filled with a mass of nervousness. I feel like that will be one of the greatest days of my entire life.
{With baby Sami back in May)
There are moments of fear. What if, over time, we find out that this child has needs that stretch me beyond what I feel capable of? What if it never happens? What if we are never, ever chosen? I know that with any child, adopted or biological, there are things we can't control and we just have to trust that each child is specifically placed in our family for a reason.
I really want to breastfeed our baby. I think that I miss that part of having a newborn the most. Just the one on one time and the ability to soothe them almost instantaneously. Maybe I just feel more ready for the baby now because Koen is out of the crib. All that `stuff' is just waiting to be used. When Kai was Koen's age, we were pregnant already.

That's where I'm at. Gary is different. I think about it every single day. Gary doesn't. I know he will be over the moon when it does happen, but in the meantime, he just goes about his day focusing on the here and now. I wonder if I should call the agency this week... I'm trying to give about 6 weeks in between each call/email as I don't want to drive them crazy:)

On Friday, it will be exactly one year ago that we began our journey. I love where we are and look forward to what's ahead. By the way, when `it' happens, I will likely change this blog to private for a month or so. The reason would be for privacy while the adoption process is actually being completed.

I hope you all had a fabulous weekend! We did.
Love, Louise


  1. I can so relate! I think I'm already pretty in love but my arms almost hurt sometimes wanting to have Sofie in them.

  2. 5k - GO LOUISE! That's so awesome :)
    glad you had a great weekend; looking forward to those wedding pictures.

  3. I totally hear your heart in this one - the one thing that stuck out to me was how you think about it daily, and Gary is able to shelf it. My hubs was exactly the same through our infertility stuff. I actually wonder how often it would come to his mind if I didn't bring it up. We are such different creatures - I found it frustrating at times, but I also see the beauty in God's design of the male/female brain...can't imagine if we had BOTH been so consumed by it! Blessings my friend :)

  4. Looking forward to seeing the wedding photos. I love that last picture of the flower - the colour just pops out!

  5. Thinking of you as you wait. Andrey and I also were very different during the waiting. I was the same as you and Andrey the same as Gary.