Good News, Bad News

Good: Three weeks of holidays start tomorrow!! No photo sessions for 3 weeks!! I leave for kayaking with girlfriends on Monday...yippee!
Bad: I will be editing photos during the three weeks of holidays:)
Good: We have a back up drive and always back up our photo sessions and weddings immediately upon uploading (to anyone who is still awaiting their photos, no worries, it's all on our back up drives ready for editing!!).
Bad: My laptop (where I do EVERYTHING) crashed. Gary is buying one right now as a replacement (beacuse really, what else would I want to do with $1000.00?) and hopefully I can get back to work this evening. We do have his computer which I could use but I need to be able to take our laptop with us. Our personal photos for the last month or so were not backed up...not too big of a deal to me. Could get them back when we attempt to get the ole lap top fixed and they are on flickr if I need to get them. Thank goodness I emailed my sister my `Dear Birthparent' letter as I spent HOURS putting that together.

I hope you are having a fabulous weekend. The boys are good. Kai is so pumped for his birthday party next month (dinosaur theme as we are going to be coming back from Drumheller). Kai asked me the other day if carrots were good for his esophagus. Yup, I'd say they're good. Love my dorky kid!! Koen has had a few more teeth come through. He is talking up a storm and it is uber cute. When I get him in the morning, he says, `Morning!'. He is obsessed with his toes. He only likes giving Kai kisses, not me. Kai says, `Mommy, Koen ran out of kisses but I always have lots!'. At least Kai still kisses me.

Love, Louise

Make sure you back up your computer!!

Clarifying A Comment And Where Gary Came From

I just need to address something first. The thing about blogs is that it has so many purposes. For me, it's to document my kids lives, to vent, to educate about adoption, to share pictures, to get advice etc. Sometimes I don't say things the way I want to or mean to and it comes across the wrong way. I guess that's what happens sometimes when you are distracted or intonations are not available etc. ANYWAY, someone left a very valid comment on my post about weaknesses (yes, that post again!). I had said that with all this work for an adoption it's sometimes hard because if someone is able to have biological kids it could just take 2 people and 5 minutes. I know that in most cases, it takes way longer and for so many women, there is a life long struggle and journey with infertility. I know this. I feel so bad that more than the one commenter might have thought that I thought that pregnancy was such an easy thing to achieve. I know it's not. I have many friends who are unable to conceive. It took us a year to get pregnant with Koen (with some serious charting and Gary having this lovely sperm test). And I know that a year might not be that long. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I was just trying to share the other side. To anyone that has struggled with infertility, I cannot imagine the daily heartache you must go through.

Okay, needed to get that out before I went to bed!! No good segue here....

And now, for some pictures of the monkeys.

This totally brings me back to Kai helping Gary in the kitchen. Koen pulled up his little chair and put the potatoes in the pot. I love seeing the boys helping out in the kitchen and the garden. My big boys!!

The other day Kai was asking about how big my belly was when he was in it. Then he asked how big my belly was when Gary was in it. Wow. We conversed about it and he actually thought that Gary came from my belly. Very funny.

Goodbye to our green wall!!

We got a gift card to the Olive Garden so we took the boys. Ya. It was Koen's first time in a restaurant (well, besides Red Robins) and he was good for about 15 minutes:) Terrible picture but he puts on his `Cheese!!' face and at least looks happy. In the morning, he points to everything and tries to say it's name. Quite cute. The other day I was going a bit fast while driving and passed a police officer. I said `shoot' and for the rest of the drive Koen said, `Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!'. Glad that was all I said!

Kai was so pumped to get lemonade with his meal! Here he's diluting it by drinking one cup of water with one cup of lemonade:)

I did an engagement session in Coal Harbour tonight, looking forward to editing those ones in a few days. Really, I'm looking forward to our holidays!!! We booked off three weeks with zero photos of anyone besides ourselves:)

Bon nuit.

Love, Louise

To Stay Or...

We love where we live. We love our house. However, we have recently been looking at a lot of open houses. We would love our house with a whole lot more room on the main floor (particularly the kitchen). We have to think about having the boys share a room when our baby comes home which will be very interesting (Koen is the lightest sleeper in the world). We have to think about whether we would send our kids to the school that Gary teaches at, should we move closer? The area that we live in is very pricey. Well, the whole lower mainland is crazy. We fell in love with some homes in Abbotsford but I think they are probably out of our price range and Gary probably wouldn't want an extra 20 minutes to his commute. Seriously though, those homes are GORGEOUS. I love super open concept homes. On a vineyard. Ya. I don't like wine but I do like the view!

We might just finish our basement which gives us an extra 700 square feet for a bedroom (when Kai is old enough), bathroom and playroom. It is currently our studio space. We are not renovators so it would be stressful. Anyone know a framer?!

So hard to know what to do and I really do not like moving. We love our neighbours. There are 3 boys the same age as Kai in the next two homes and they play together daily. I guess we are in no rush but I kind of like to know what `the plan' is. I'm thinking we'll stay here:)

Gary is currently painting the interior of our house. It's quite the process because the kids are running around all day and there's stuff in the way but slowly but surely it's getting done. It's not an exciting colour but it's a light grey/brown-ish colour that just freshens up our house (gets rid of all the dings etc). It was time for the green wall to go.

Okay, better head to bed. Koen is teething and it's not pretty. Last night he was screaming in pain so I went in there and tried to give him a bottle of water and he screamed at me `No!!!' and threw the bottle at me. Koen is generally a very gentle natured boy and this whole teething thing has brought out a new side. I really hope that all the teeth pop through before we go on holidays. Seriously, why must teething be painful?! Poor bubbs. And seriously, Kai is so sweet to his brother. He will share his cookie with him, get his blankie for him, and loves to just be with him. Warms my heart! Except when he gives him the `squishy hug'. When Kai gets mad at Koen, he doesn't know what to do so he hugs him super tight in frustration.

Okay, NOW I'm going to bed. Bon nuit.

Love, Louise

My Dream

Last night I had my first adoption dream. In it, I was taking our one week old son (it was a boy!) to the doctor. He asked me what his name was and I didn't know. I had known it when he was born but forgot it! Then, he asked me whether he had a stronger grip with his left or right hand and I didn't know that either. I told the doctor that I held him all the time but didn't hold his hands and I felt so guilty! Then, I threw up (in my dream still).

Maybe Gary and I should start talking names in case we get to name our child?! The other day I mentioned a boy name and Gary said `Yes' immediately. With the other boys, it took MONTHS. I'm not sold on it but still, it's an option!

Have a great day.

Love, Louise

Date Night!

Gary and I went with a huge group of friends, from church, to see the BC Lions home opener game. Okay, so that game wasn't very good but the temporary stadium (Empire Stadium) was awesome and so was the company. The hot dog wasn't that bad either:) Such a great festive atmosphere there and so fun to be in the wide open fresh air!

We have had a pretty busy few months and just one more crazy week (amongst it two photo sessions and two weddings) and then....HOLIDAYS!!! Woohoo! The first trip is a kayaking trip with my girl friends, I'm totally looking forward to it. Then, it's off to Drumheller with the family. Cabins are booked. We are ready. I'm just really, really, REALLY hoping that the boys stay healthy for this trip. On our last trip to Green Lake, Koen spent the whole time vomiting. Gross.

{In the daylight. Every seat there is a good seat!}

Did you know that when Gary and I had dated just three months, he broke up with me just as we were leaving to go see a BC Lions game together? He enjoyed the game. I just called my girlfriend on the phone during the half and cried.

So nice at night! I was worried it was going to be a sweatfest like the outdoor wedding we photographed on Friday where it was in the mid 30's all. day. long. But no, there was a nice breeze. Ahhh.

Great night!

Did I tell you that George (my bf's little brother who had a double lung transplant) is now home and doing so crazy well?! Such an answer to prayer!!

Okay, just realized it's midnight.

Bon nuit!!

Love, Louise

Too hot

I am not one of those people that asked for this hot weather. I love it when it's in the 20's. This (mid 30's) is way too hot. I went for a walk at 8am, but otherwise, I'm inside with the AC. Kids are grumpy because they aren't sleeping well. It doesn't help that my thermoregulation is way off. Sweat machine. I'm nervous for the wedding we are shooting tomorrow...all day long outside in the sun (it's an outdoor wedding/reception etc). Oh well. I'll survive!

My niece (well, I guess my sister Jan too) came over for dinner last night. Here's Sami at 3 months old:)

I loved holding a baby again and Koen was very fascinated and kept saying `Baby!' and pointing to her toes, noes etc.

I'll be honest that I'm starting to get nervous about being on the active waiting list for adoption in just over a month. What if we never get picked? How will I deal with not knowing the timeline at all? I was super calm with it until yesterday. I just really feel my desire to have a 3rd child right now is so strong so I'm trying to just really trust God's timing here:)

Gary's off at Home Depot trying to re-tint our 5 gallon pail of grey paint (did you know they do it for free?). You'd think we would have bought a trial size first. Just need a warmer colour. Fun times!

I've been gaining weight. I'm so frustrated. I'm the kind of person who didn't gain or lose weight for 5 years. I know it's all my thyroid but I can't stop taking my meds and I don't know what else to do. I eat healthy and exercise. Grrrrr....

Okay, must go. Sorry for the boring-est post ever!

Louise

Weaknesses; A Clarification

Last week I wrote a post on my weaknesses which came out when I met with our social worker (in our 3rd of 6 visits!! Woohoo!). I just wanted to clarify a few things, especially since Melissa wrote a great comment in response to the post.

1. Family and friends were asked to list strengths and weaknesses so it wasn't like they just said a bunch of weak things about us. They were told to:) I've filled out one of those forms before too, so I knew what they were like. I should have clarified, I can't assume that people know! Now, my social worker did focus on my weaknesses, which we discussed, which was why they were fresh in my mind.

2. I shared because I thought it was cool. How often to you get to hear how you could grow and change from those you trust? Hearing it that way was much easier than face to face or from Gary in a heated discussion! I told Gary `Oh my, I just meant to vent and process and people are getting defensive for me!'. Totally not intended! Interesting to see what I need to think about.

3. I maybe shouldn't have shared my defensive thoughts but I do get quite defensive. Like a said in the post, what some see as a weakness, others see as a strength so I was just flipping it. Also, I completely agree that I am a little bossy but at the same time, someone said I take initiative. By the way, Gary totally thinks I'm pessimistic because he says that realistic is not on the continuum. Yes, I do think that a punk walking by me might steal my purse. I blame it on my dad and the profession he had working with those punks:) My dad even had a fake video camera put up in our front yard to deter potential break ins.

4. Again, I totally respect and understand the process. I also find it very interesting.

On a side note, wow, almost done my `Dear Birth Parent' letter. It's about 13 pages of writing and pictures (I'd say half pictures). It was so hard to do and I'm still not completely done. I want to make sure that we include pictures of our home and yard as was recommended to us by someone else who got feedback on theirs. Then, Gary just needs to write his (and make a DVD...no one has done that before but it was encouraged and I think we are making `A Day In The Life' kind of thing) and then just 3 more visits! I think that's it.

Have a wonderful day. By the way, just need to say that we had our first family jog (meaning Gary pushing the kids in the stroller) in a year. Awesome.

Enjoying the AC,

Louise

PS Please note that there is another post below!

PPS And please note that the family picture below, which I loved, was accidentally shot at ISO 1000 so it is way too noisy to enlarge. So sad. Have to do another one...

18 Months Old

Kokies is just over 1.5 years old. He is such an adorable little boy. He makes us smile all the time. He has just started calling us mommy and daddy (instead of mama and dada) and it is so cute!!

He sleeps through the night nicely now and usually actually sleeps until 9am. We have been putting a cloth diaper cover over his disposable diaper so that he doesn't get the whole bed super wet because he sleeps for so long! In about a year, hopefully, Kai and Koen will be sharing a room. Should be interesting!!

Kai and Koen are getting along better and better each month and it's just such a joy to see Kai being such a good big brother. Koen can walk up and down stairs, as long as there is a railing. Neighbours freak out when they see him standing on the picnic table, but he's fine, he's just a climber:) We are so thankful for our Ko-enie Koen (that's what Kai calls him). He is just non stop cuteness from morning to night. He has had a few time outs so far, for playing with the tv and the toilet water (yuck!). He has responded well to that. He loves all food (except for lettuce) and drinks so I can't pick a favourite!

I love this family picture that we took today, it's my favourite one so far! We took it (with the remote shutter release) at Redwood Park. I love our family. I'm so excited to add one more child to it and I know Kokies will be a great big brother. I'm trying to be super cool about not knowing the time line but if we were to try for a biological child, now would be the time that we would've started trying. My hope and prayer is that we will bring home our third child by the time Koen is 2.5 years old.

And a side note: Kai's invisible friend, Nobody, is a huge part of his life. He talks about him all the time and let's us know what he is doing. He eats with us, bikes with us, and goes on trips with us. Last night, Nobody wanted to pray for dinner. I spoke out loud what Nobody was saying `invisibly' (as Kai calls it). How long do these invisible friends last? I feel like we have a third child with us already!

And another side note: We have Gary home for the summer!! Very fun and helpful. It allows me to work more and we've been eating very good food:) Did I tell you that we went for a family bike ride? Koen was in the bike trailer but we all biked. It was awesome.

Have a wonderful week!

Love, Louise

Victoria!

Gary and I had a night away but before that I better just show the boys on Canada Day. I took the boys by myself because Gary has his social worker visit that day (for the adoption...I feel like I need to clarify why he was seeing a social worker!!)

The boys with Lolo! We got to see Bobs & Lolo perform and we were pumped that they sang the boys favourite songs (I love bugs, My bike and Raindrop Pop).

Kai has been in a bit of a stage where he cries easily. It's pretty strange and a little funny. He acts like I did when I was 13 years old. I'm assuming it's because he was sick and therefore really tired. Anyway, he didn't get to sit in the front of the train to ring the bell, so look at his face the whole way around on the train. Crying and even talking back a bit to me. It didn't bother me because I assumed that most people there were parents and therefore know that this kind of behaviour just happens:)

Okay, then on Friday, my sister Jackie and bro-in-law Tyler came to watch the kids!! Gary and I went to Victoria to shoot a wedding on Saturday. We got in Friday night and checked out the various locations we would need to know for Saturday. We walked around for a few hours and ate dinner at 8pm!! We have never done that (kids always eat at 5pm)...look at me deviating from my structured life:) Ha ha.

We stayed at a hotel right downtown (me posed right in front of it). It's hard being photographers because sometimes you just don't want to take pictures (especially when you are taking about 1800 the next day) but you still want to document stuff. So, we just took some not so great photos. Downtown is a photo shoot ready to happen everywhere. There are so many cool locations and buildings. Must be fun for photographers there!!

It was beautiful weather for walking around...

We stopped at an Irish Pub for dinner. I think it was called `Irish Times' on Government street. It was awesome! Gary had seafood fettuccine and...

I had a seafood club (never had that before!) with crab bisque. Salmon and crab and bacon?!

It was getting chilly so they gave us blankets while we ate:)

And then we shared the dessert sampler. Yum! Great food. Totally recommend it!

Then we went to the waterfront area and I bought a necklace at the night market. Walking around the harbour, we also bought a cool welcome sign for our home. A lady just bent the metal into whatever word you wanted. Such a fun atmosphere there.

And then we had to walk around the parliament buildings. Not to get pictures but for Gary to geocache. Yes, geocache. He found it and it wasn't easy!

The wedding on Saturday was busy. They had planned 5 locations for pictures (usually we do max 2) so it was a lot of rushing around. Beautiful day and bride though:)

So, on the ferry we did our highlight and lowlight and we were the same:

HIGHLIGHT: having dinner together

LOWLIGHT: feeling a bit `scatttered' while shooting the wedding due to so many locations, being in an unfamiliar city and hoping that we got all the shots that we wanted!

Gary and I will def. need to get away at least once a year, for just one night. It was so fun to feel like we were dating again!

Hope you had a wonderful weekend!!

Love, Louise

Weaknesses

I had my social worker visit today. It's a one on one time where you basically give information about your entire life. Anyway, one of the things that we went over were the reference forms that friends and family filled out for us. She didn't say who said what, but just gave the general comments of strengths and weaknesses that I have. Nothing like hearing what those who know you best think of you! Wow.

I am a confident person so I'm thankful that the weaknesses don't bother me much. I guess I should look to change but when someone mentions something as a weakness, I consider some of those things strengths (ex. Gary was told that one of his weaknesses was being indecisive, really, he just takes a long time to contemplate something so it ends up being very well thought out).

I thought my major weakness would be that I'm a stress case but that was not mentioned. I will mention some of my weaknesses and put my little defensive thought in the brackets:

too frugal (wise with my money and we don't have any debts besides our mortgage which we will have paid off long before Gary retires! Gary and I have never stressed or fought about money due to my frugalness), bossy/directive (hey, I take initiative and make decisions... I'm the oldest, what do you expect?! Yes, I'm a little bossy with my family, for sure!), pessimistic (are you serious? I would say I'm realistic!! I could get breast cancer, this is just being a realist, not pessimistic. I'm not going to pretend that the world is all roses because it's not!), and being too structured (I like routine, my kids like it, it works!). I think a lot of it is just the way I grew up. It worked to be frugal and structured:) Oh well. Of course there were tons of strengths in there (thank you friends and family) but you rarely hear those close to you let you know of your weaknesses.

In conclusion, I completely understand and respect this process. However, I think it's pretty crazy that if you are able to have biological kids you might just need two people and 5 minutes.

Clarification: I know not everyone gets pregnant this easily. In fact, barely anyone except my friend who says she pretty much gets pregnant if her husband sneezes on her:) I know it can take months and years and years. I know it can be years of testing and delving into your private lives. I know. Gary got to have `the' test. I charted for a year. Good times.

This whole adoption process and having people `evaluate' you and delve into your entire life is not the easiest thing. Interesting though. Thank goodness my social worker is very similar to me so she could relate to all of my strengths and weaknesses. We even got a little teary eyed together talking about our lives. She's great.

Well, Gary and I are off to the island to photograph a wedding. My sister and her husband are coming here to watch the kiddos! Maybe I'll spend tons of money and be super indecisive to try out a different way of living:) Ha ha, ya right! Have a great weekend everyone.

Love, Bossy Louise