Tuesday, December 29, 2015

A Part of Me Is Missing

I love one-on-one time with friends and family.  I enjoy being able to sit with a coffee or walk side-by-side and get caught up by asking questions and really hearing what's going on.  Having so many kids has made this difficult.  The older boys tend to need a referee – either from each other or from the food as they would just go to town on it all (there was a recent incident with an unsupervised bowl of Cheezies.)  The younger two usually need some help with various things from sharing to puzzles to toileting stuff.  In our own home, this can be okay if there are no other kids in the mix; bring in more kids and there will be more incidents, especially with our Little One. In someone else's home, I need to be aware of potential hazards and breakables.  I think I'm hyper-vigilant because one of our kids isn't truly mine and I feel this great responsibility.

This is hard.  At our two extended family Christmas dinners, I felt like we were just managing our kids, especially because they weren't feeling 100%.  It was difficult to get any deeper into conversations which is what I truly love.  I want to skip right from the "I love your sweater, where did you get it?" to "What are you loving about life right now? What are you struggling with?" without all the talk of weather and vehicles in between. Instead, managing kids plus feeble attempts at engagement often results in feeling exhausted and disappointed.

I know this is a stage. I know it's worth it.  I know I need to alter my expectations. I know setting aside kid-free time to visit is important.  If I run into you and seem less "there", this is why.  Anyone else feel this way?


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  1. yes, yes and yes! Church is the worst. I am always so preoccupied but soo want to know how people are doing, I would even love to pray for them on a Sunday but right now it's just not possible. I hate surface talk, okay maybe not hate it cause it can be nice but I totally get you on this one!

  2. Lyndene5:25 PM

    Yep, totally with you on this! Before Joel was born my mom and just "the girls" (me and my 2 SILs) over for a few hours and it was literally the first time in 6 years we had real, uninterrupted, deep conversation! Just doesn't happen in the busy chaos of everyday.