Sunday, October 11, 2015

Attachment, Loss & Reaching Out

We are still full into attachment mode over here; when our Little One is upset or sad, we are there responding so that love and care are felt and trust is achieved. It sounds so "textbook" (hello, child and developmental psychology!) but it's hard--exhausting really--especially around bedtime and throughout the night when crying is the preferred mode of expression.  We are hopeful that it will continue to get better and know that it is worth it.  Thankfully usually just holding a hand is all our Little One really needs...and really, who doesn't want that?

I've been taking my online foster training classes and this week's module was on attachment and loss. I've had loss; my mom passed away over 10 years ago now and it still hurts.  I miss my mom--especially when I see grandparents with kids and when I just need to be heard.  Like, heard-to-the-depths-of-someone's-heart, that kind of heard.   I believe that this experience of loss in my life will help me in two ways.  Fist, I can empathize more with the loss our child has felt; loss of their home and life as they knew it.  I understand that desire to be heard--really heard. Secondly, when this child moves on from our home, my heart will break but I will get through it.  I love our Little One more than I ever thought I would AND I feel so much love in return.  I think as long as there is hope in the situation that our Little One is placed in, I will be okay.  It is so hard not having a voice in this.  So, so hard.

{My mom--in the blue shirt.  I just found this picture of my mom and Gary's mom at my wedding shower.  Love that smile!}

There have been so many news stories lately about the Ministry of Children and Family Development.  When I read the comments to these stories in my Facebook feed, the anger is directed in all directions; biological parents, social workers, government, MCFD, foster parents....everywhere.  It's true, there are so many areas where things could be improved to better help the children in our community.  Instead of pointing fingers in every single direction, what can we do to help these children?   I'm not sure.  What I do know is that our Little One is loved and safe.  We have provided a loving (and loud) home for one child. If you can't provide a home, support someone who has by encouraging them or asking what you can do practically.  Or, how about going down to the foundation of the problem--the homes that are in need of help before things get to the point where action needs to be taken.  There are so many people in our community that are unsupported.  Alone. Single. Lonely. Stressed.  We probably all know a family with struggles (financially, health-wise, new to the community, disabilities, marital stress) and can do something to help.  If we don't have the resources, we can ask around to find them.  I know, it's overwhelming, what can we really do?  Something is better than nothing.  A smile. A meal. Clothes. A listening ear. Donating to the Food Bank. Something.

This weekend we celebrate Thanksgiving.  I am thankful for an incredible childhood where I felt loved and cherished.  Thinking of those who do not feel the same way and hoping for courage and wisdom when I have opportunities to make a difference.

If you have any other thoughts on this, I'd love to hear from you!



  1. It is crazy to say "over ten years ago..." I hate to think it has been that long since I last spoke to my mom. Doesn't it still feel like last year in so many ways?

  2. It's so hard to gauge time on this...I feel like so much has happened so it has to be at least 10 years but at the same time, the memories from being with her feel like the last year. This grief thing is hard.

  3. I am so glad your Little One has your family to be a part of. I always think about your Little One and where he/she will be in 5-10 years and pray for a gracious loving home like you have been able to give. Little One is in your home for a reason - God picked your place for a reason, with you all in mind.

    Your mom is beautiful. She has such a calm, happy, loving smile on her face in all the pictures you have shared - she looks like she would give a wonderful hug. :)