How Parenting a Child From Hard Places Looks Different

I hardly feel like I'm qualified to speak about this but as a foster parent who has cared for five different children from hard places I have some insight to pass along. I also have a minor in psychology if that increases my credibility in your eyes at all (insert winky face emoji).  How will this information on attachment help you? Well, knowing what some people go through allows you to understand the world a little better and develop more empathy. Also, who knows what your future will look like – maybe you will have a connection with someone who had a difficult childhood.

What might it look like to help support and nurture a child who has suffered neglect and trauma?

What I've Learned About Life as a Foster Parent

We have had five foster children in our home over the past three years and although we are still somewhat new in this journey, there is always a lot of learning that happens quickly! From a one month stay up to two years, each child has been here for different reasons in regards to their home lives and experiences. However, here are ten things I can tell you about what's it's like as a foster parent in almost every case.

"Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you."– Mother Teresa

What It's Like to Be a Foster Parent When You Get the Call

{As a foster parent I have gone through this on seven occasions and each time I get incredibly nervous with the necessity of quick decision-making. Not every home would go through these feelings, and maybe I'm a bit dramatic, but these are mine. I cannot share details on the ministry or the children in it's care, I can only share my own thoughts...and I have a few.} 

The red light on the answering machine was blinking. I knew what it was. I mean, it could have been my mother-in-law – the only one who regularly leaves us messages on our machine – but more likely it was The Call because it's Thursday. Thursdays are the day when the placement team in our city meets to match up children who need a home with families that have rooms available and are the best fit for the children. Most of our placements have happened on this day of the week.

How to Prepare to Be a Foster Parent

If you are considering becoming a foster parent or are already working on fulfilling the requirements, welcome! I know it's a big decision and that you may never feel fully prepared. Along with the steps to qualify to be a foster parent (application, home study, classes, medical check, criminal record check, safety check) I would have loved a list of ideas on how to prepare for the arrival of our Little Ones. Often we have very limited time to prepare and therefore it really helps to do as much as you can beforehand. Although this list may be dependent on the age of the child that will be entering your home, here are some practical tips to help you prepare your heart, mind, and home.

Why I Can Say Goodbye to My Foster Child

{As a foster parent I try to share the reality so that you may consider it as an option for yourself. Gary and I never thought we would be foster parents until about four years ago when someone planted the seed in our hearts and minds. The thoughts I have on fostering are my own and I cannot speak for all of the foster parents out there. I also cannot share the personal stories and facts about the children but hope that there is enough information to give you an idea of what fostering is all about and why I can say goodbye time after time.}

What is the number one comment that foster parents receive? "I wish I could foster but it would be too hard for me to say goodbye". I want to address this. I get it. I fully understand what you are saying and why. Who would invite a break-up into their lives? Who would want to go into a situation knowing ahead of time that their heart would be broken? I am an emotional woman. I cry happy and sad tears frequently. I lost my mom to cancer when I was just 26 so I understand loss and fear it. Is saying goodbye hard? Yes, but it doesn't stop me from getting attached and it can be filled with hope and happiness.

When All I Have is Not Enough {Foster Parenting}

{Each foster child placement is so unique and depends on a variety of factors such as their needs and history, your own family make-up, the social workers, the "plan" etc. Our last placement was tricky at first (in regards to sleep and anxiety) but then ended up being amazing and we are forever thankful for our Little One in our lives. This one is stretching us a little too uncomfortably. I share this to be real about the struggles and needs in being a foster parent.}

Brave is saying "yes" to taking in two kids when you have three already. Courage is saying "I need help." Wise is saying "I can't do this anymore, we need another plan. Now."

We are currently in a tricky spot as the needs in our home outweigh what we can manage and maintain. I feel like people may be thinking "Well, why did you say yes? Why would you foster if you can't do it? Maybe you're not meant for this?" – let me address it if you've ever thought that way about me or someone else.

Dear Foster Parent in Your First Week

Dear foster parent in your first week,

Exhale. You did it! You probably have very limited time to read this so I will keep it brief.  Over the past two years we have welcomed three young children into our home and each child was unique in their response and needs. I want to share some ideas on what to do but first I want to encourage you.

Attachment, Loss & Reaching Out

We are still full into attachment mode over here; when our Little One is upset or sad, we are there responding so that love and care are felt and trust is achieved. It sounds so "textbook" (hello, child and developmental psychology!) but it's hard--exhausting really--especially around bedtime and throughout the night when crying is the preferred mode of expression.  We are hopeful that it will continue to get better and know that it is worth it.  Thankfully usually just holding a hand is all our Little One really needs...and really, who doesn't want that?

I've been taking my online foster training classes and this week's module was on attachment and loss. I've had loss; my mom passed away over 10 years ago now and it still hurts.  I miss my mom--especially when I see grandparents with kids and when I just need to be heard.  Like, heard-to-the-depths-of-someone's-heart, that kind of heard.   I believe that this experience of loss in my life will help me in two ways.  Fist, I can empathize more with the loss our child has felt; loss of their home and life as they knew it.  I understand that desire to be heard--really heard. Secondly, when this child moves on from our home, my heart will break but I will get through it.  I love our Little One more than I ever thought I would AND I feel so much love in return.  I think as long as there is hope in the situation that our Little One is placed in, I will be okay.  It is so hard not having a voice in this.  So, so hard.

{My mom--in the blue shirt.  I just found this picture of my mom and Gary's mom at my wedding shower.  Love that smile!}

There have been so many news stories lately about the Ministry of Children and Family Development.  When I read the comments to these stories in my Facebook feed, the anger is directed in all directions; biological parents, social workers, government, MCFD, foster parents....everywhere.  It's true, there are so many areas where things could be improved to better help the children in our community.  Instead of pointing fingers in every single direction, what can we do to help these children?   I'm not sure.  What I do know is that our Little One is loved and safe.  We have provided a loving (and loud) home for one child. If you can't provide a home, support someone who has by encouraging them or asking what you can do practically.  Or, how about going down to the foundation of the problem--the homes that are in need of help before things get to the point where action needs to be taken.  There are so many people in our community that are unsupported.  Alone. Single. Lonely. Stressed.  We probably all know a family with struggles (financially, health-wise, new to the community, disabilities, marital stress) and can do something to help.  If we don't have the resources, we can ask around to find them.  I know, it's overwhelming, what can we really do?  Something is better than nothing.  A smile. A meal. Clothes. A listening ear. Donating to the Food Bank. Something.

This weekend we celebrate Thanksgiving.  I am thankful for an incredible childhood where I felt loved and cherished.  Thinking of those who do not feel the same way and hoping for courage and wisdom when I have opportunities to make a difference.

If you have any other thoughts on this, I'd love to hear from you!

Love,
Louise

Resiliency

Resiliency: the ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy (Dictionary.com)

Life is fine right now but I would say there is definitely some adversity.  It's not easy being a parent under "normal" circumstances, and now, with adding another child with some special needs, we've found the transition to a new normal taking longer than we thought it would.  I feel stretched but I also feel hopeful.  At times I feel defeated but I also feel...strong.

One thing we are covering in our foster training class this week is self care and resiliency.  Some characteristics of resilient people are: self esteem, recognizing that life has challenges, knowing that your actions can affect an outcome, problem-solving skills, a sense of humour and support. This last one is huge for me. Studies show that resilient people look for support.

I'm a big researcher--I love getting as much information as I can. I search out people who have been in similar situations. I appreciate connecting with others in facebook groups or in person. I value the opinion of people who have been trained in an area that I'm uncertain of. I love reading for different perspectives and nuggets of wisdom.  Support. Support. Support.

When my mom passed away, I connected with others who had lost a parent (I still do),  I read books, saw a counselor (only once--I should have gone more), and talked with my sisters who were in the same boat.  Not only did I need to find help through the loss, I needed to find new supporters.  My mom had been my number one chearleader and when she died I realized that I needed to fill that position because I couldn't remain healthy without it.

I also know I am a big words of affirmation person and if I have to ask for it, so be it! It's not my job to "do it all", but I can take care of myself to do the best job that I can.   Last week, I asked people for encouragement on facebook. I. Asked. For. It. I felt a bit silly but I knew that I needed it. So, kind of funny, but at the same time, all those comments and emoticons lifted me up. "You've got this" "You can do it" "I believe in you"....who wouldn't want to hear that?!

I'm not good at asking for help--I feel like I'm inconveniencing people.  You know what, though? As my mother-in-law taught me, I can always ask and if it doesn't work for that person, well, they can say no.  I'm getting better at it.  I'm trusting that other people will be honest and just say "no" if it doesn't work for them.  Also, I know I have a community of people that will support me in prayer--what a gift!

I would encourage you that if you are feeling any adversity, please search out support around you.  Whether it's a facebook group, friend, family, book, or counsellor--they can help.  If one source is a dud, keep looking.   Where do you find your greatest source(s) of support?

Love, 

Louise

PS If you don't follow on facebook, I'd love to see you there!  You can find me here. 

Fostering: Being a Family

I had an "interesting" conversation at the bank the other day. Someone found out that we were fostering a child and said, "Oh, I've been thinking of doing that to supplement my income." First of all, if you are planning on bringing a child from a hard place into your home, your heart needs to be in it.  It's not just about a safe home, it's about a nurturing one.  If I wanted to make an income that involved child care, I would do daycare during the day or have international students again.  I'm hesitant to write this because I don't think I can do it well enough (time is a bit more valuable to me these days!) but it's better to try than not to, right?

Yes, you do get paid to be a foster parent.  It is based on the level of care you are able to provide (dependent on the child's needs) and is combined with your educational and life experience.  What does this monthly rate (which is equivalent to a daycare) cover?  Day-to-day expenses; clothes, shoes, food, car seats, strollers, diapers, bikes, wipes, gas for driving to meetings and appointments, extracurricular activities etc. In order to foster, you need to NOT depend on that money as an income; it's not your job, it's your life.

What about time investment?  Whenever you add any child into your home there's the extra appointments (dental, doctor, specialists) and less time for yourself.  Are you willing to drive 2-3 times a week to meet with the birth family?  Are you available for meetings with a Child Development Consultant? Therapists?   What about the bedtime routines--are you willing to put in one to two hours every night until your child feels safe?  What about spending time forming an attachment?  It's like starting from the newborn phase and moving in fast forward (answering cries, responding to hurts, feeding, changing, reassuring etc) until the child feels that you will respond and they can trust you.

I say all of this because it's the reality.  I'm stretched.  I'm tired.  It's not easy.  From attachment to tantrums to paperwork to various therapies – there's so much to learn!  We're getting there – with a few more bumps than I'd like – but we're getting there.  "There" being a new normal and routine that works.  I know that one day we will experience what will likely be the hardest part; when our Little One returns home. I'm not sure when or how it will happen and I don't know how we will all respond.  What I do know is that for now we will continue to treat this child as our own.

I don't say this to dissuade you; I say this so that you can see that it's not a job. It's a commitment, a mindset, a new way of doing life.  It's being a family.

What do we get out of this?  Watching the Little One erupt into fits of giggles over the sheer joy of dancing with our kids makes me smile and laugh. Seeing a skill that we have been working on over and over and over ACTUALLY BEING USED is rewarding (and I may have cried. Twice. Or more.)  Having our Little One now run up to Gary with arms outstretched for a hug and cuddle is heart-warming – like, melt me now.   Hearing our whole family cheering "Yay! Haircuts are so fun!  Yay–the buzzer!  Cut my hair!  Yahoo!" is hilarious but I love that we work as a team to encourage experiences.  Seeing this child "thaw out" and explode with personality is remarkable. This is why we parent.  This is why we foster parent.  Joy. Laughter. Growth. Teamwork.  Opening up. Safety. Support.  Love.

Love,
Louise

PS It is so, so hard for me not to share photos of the joy and laughter of this Little One, just trust me, the photos I have are pretty cute!

What I Learned as a First-Time Foster Mom

I am a resource gatherer. When I find myself in a new situation, I like to find out all my options for navigating it. What do my friends do? Who are the experts and what do they do? What books are recommended? Podcasts? Videos? Although it can be overwhelming, it works for me. As much as you read into something before it happens, you don't know how you will be feeling and what factors will affect you. I also like to record thoughts and experiences; it allows me to look back and see where I was and how far I've come (or not.) We always think that we'll remember just how things were, but somehow, that's usually harder than we think.  I write this to remember, to inform, and to share with others who may be heading out on the same journey.

These are the things I learned early on as a first-time foster mom:

1.  There will be multiple plans in place – A,B and C – when a child is removed from their home.  We were called several times once we were active just in case Plan A or B did not work.  You might be open to children aged three to six, but with limited homes, you will likely be presented with a child outside of your preferred range (except for a child under the age of one as you need Safe Babies Training for that.)

2. There are many people involved with many appointments. There's my own social worker (called a Resource Social Worker), the child's social worker, the child, birth family (including extended and all it's intricacies), doctors, lawyers, teachers, child development team, respite care etc. There is also a lot of paperwork to fill out. Write down every phone number and email address that you think you may ever need because you will need them.

3. It can happen very quickly. Usually as a foster parent, you get a phone call where the child is described to you (as much as they know) and then you need to make a decision within the hour. Once that decision is made, the child can be in your home almost immediately.

4.   Transitions can be tough. Find out what makes them feel safe. For example, holding a special toy as they go into the car or bath or bed. Figure out if they prefer to be held in your arms or holding your hand when moving into a new situation. Take your time in those transitions to make them feel safe.

5.  It is lonely. I am a very open book. I like to share, share, and share some more. To keep my own life private is difficult because I work through feelings by letting them all out. I love community. Find "your people" who are your listeners, resources, pray-ers, and encouragers. You will likely cry a lot in the first few days due to exhaustion and the sheer magnitude of all of the layers involved.

6.  You can make a difference in a short amount of time. The hours and hours spent with the child will slowly allow them to trust you and they will begin to feel safe. Smiles and giggles may be seen and heard sooner than you think. They will "thaw out" and their true personality will start to emerge.

7.  Your biological kids may pleasantly surprise you with all their love and compassion; they may even offer up their own comfort items to the child. They will initiate new games and connect to the child in a different way than you might. This is truly special to be a part of and I'm pretty sure Kai was the recipient of the first smile.

8. Food is your friend.  Find out what they love and stock up; be sure to take favourite snacks along with you. Keeping blood sugar levels regulated is so helpful with their behaviour, just think about how you feel when you're hungry or thirsty.

9. Like parenting any child, there is no "right way" to do things. There are wrong ways – physical discipline is not okay when fostering. Sleep is a big tricky one. Do you stay with them as they try to sleep? If so, how long? When do you try to get them to self-soothe? Listen to your gut and heart and err on the side of softness.

10. Routine. Routine. Routine. My lack of spontaneity has come in handy.

11.  The nights are difficult and likely harder than you think they will be. It takes a while for the child to feel safe and that is a must before they will have a good (or decent) sleep and therefore YOU having a good night's sleep. A routine before bed along with a nightlight, white noise, and comfort item all help, but usually your presence in their room, until they are asleep, is best (this is the conclusion that I came to after weighing all the options and advice.) You can read or be on a computer, but just be in the room. My friend suggested that I rethink this time because I was feeling like my "me time" was gone. Now I see 7-9 pm as my time to work uninterrupted (in a dark room) on the computer, catch up on emails, or read a book. Hopefully this "me time" in the dark doesn't go on for too long though, I would like to be able to go out at night. We are also experimenting with essential oils.

12.  You will celebrate some seemingly small milestones. For example, if a child finally holds a toothbrush after screaming any time it gets near, celebrate. If they then let you make brushing motions outside their mouth, cheer! And if they let you brush their teeth for the first time, that means they are feeling a whole lot safer with you. Cheer and celebrate and they'll likely let you do it again.

13.  Self-care. You cannot care well for others if you are not looking after yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Accept and ask for help. Care often falls on the woman because the child may feel more comfortable with females; make sure your partner knows how to help you. I am so incredibly thankful that Gary is home for the next month!

14. Thoughts and feeling will vary especially at the very beginning. From "I don't think I can stand this child one minute longer" (usually at 3 am when they've been crying off and on for hours) to "I love this child and can't imagine them leaving" so make sure you have a sounding board. If you have to, leave the child in a safe place for five minutes, vent as much as you need, and go back in.

The learning never ends, and fortunately, I love new ideas and information. The tricky part is who or what to listen to (as in any situation) but if you take all advice given, and work it so that it fits your life and heart, you can find a plan that works. And prayer, oh boy, I don't think I've ever prayed so much or asked so many people for prayer.

This is just the beginning for us. I wonder what my "What I Learned After Being a Foster Parent For a Year" post will look like!  If you have general questions about fostering,  I can try to answer them.

Love,
Louise

Pin here for later:

PS Here are some great videos to watch on adoption and fostering children from hard places.

Planting a Seed to Become Foster Parents

{I was nervous to press "Publish" on this one because we're not experienced foster parents yet.  But, it's what's on our hearts now, so here is my heart...}

I want to plant a seed in your mind.  It might sound wild and crazy and too much of a stretch, but just read, please. We were led here--to become foster parents--by someone encouraging us.  It wasn't one giant leap; they were baby steps.  Maybe this will be your first baby step by considering it.

My question is:  What do you want for your kids? Whether it's the children you currently have, the ones you hope to, or even those you know and love--what do you desire for them?

To be loved? Known? Happy? Successful? Safe? 

To make a difference? 

To love others?

There are many children whose basic rights (fed, clothed and nurtured) are not being met for a variety of reasons.  We can invite those children into our homes so that their families can hopefully get the help that they need.  We can provide those basic needs (and hopefully more) in a safe environment where love is abundant.

Gary and I are on an emotional ride here and it's just begun; trusting God in the placement of the right child(ren) in our home--yes, we've opened our minds and hearts to allow for siblings.

If you've ever considered fostering, even a bit, I'd encourage you to look into it a bit more.

The need is so great right now.  If you have any questions, please ask.  If you are in B.C., here is the link for the Ministry of Children & Family Development for more information.

Love,
Louise

PS I will be unable to share any details or photos of the little ones that come to our home, but sharing my thoughts on fostering in general is okay :)

Becoming A Foster Parent

Sixteen months ago we started the process to become foster parents.  Over those months, I've answered some questions, shared about the training process and home study, and felt encouraged that we can do this.  And now?  We are officially approved!

I don't know when we will be matched with a child; it could be anywhere from one week to several months.   What do I know?  I know that it will be hard.  I know that we will have to shift priorities.  I know that I will feel challenged.  Most importantly, I know that we have a love-filled home to share with someone who needs it and we're not doing it alone.  

I will be sharing what I can because I know that we can all learn from each other.  It sounds dorky but that's truly how I feel.  Whether it prompts you to start the process yourself, or just provide you with a little insight into the foster system, I hope it will be beneficial.

How do I feel? I'm most nervous about the timing as child care is usually the trickiest thing to manage in `regular life'.  We have a very busy June and July so I really hope that it works out that way.  It would not be ideal for the child to come just as we were heading into a wedding weekend or our one family holiday.  We would love to take him or her with us to Vancouver Island but it depends on timing (how long he or she had been with us) and also the approval of the social worker and parent(s).   We can always say `no' but in my heart I truly believe that the timing will work out.  Our August is purposely wide open for the first time...ever.  Usually it is filled up a year in advance (with wedding photography) but we felt that we should leave it free.

His or her room is ready to be personalized.  We also have bunk beds and crib just in case.  I can't wait to meet the little one that will be using this room.

I'll keep you posted.  Thank you for reading and caring!

Love,
Louise

We Can Do It.

I just wanted to share a bit about our fostering journey.  It's funny because I really didn't give two thought about having Kai.  I had NO idea what I was getting into having our own children.  Now, we've been spending a year filling out paper work, being interviewed and attending classes to welcome a child into our home.  By the end of April (or sooner!), we will have everything finalized and it could happen at any time.  I won't be able to tell you when it happens, but over time I'll be able to share my thoughts on fostering.  We've been traveling this road for a while now so part of me is feeling like, `Come on! Let's get going on this!' and the other part is like, `Uh, I'm freaked out.'.

Today I went to a Foster Parent Education Group meeting.  I was the only `newbie' and the youngest one.  I've been feeling a bit insecure and nervous about how we would do as foster parents, but then, do you know what I realized?

Gary and I have a lot of experience with kids.
We are creative problem solvers.
We value routine.
We enjoy family time.
We appreciate activity and the outdoors.
We are patient.
We are loving.
We have supporters and pray-ers in our corner.
And you know what?

WE CAN DO THIS.  It won't be easy, and we'll all be stretched, but WE CAN DO THIS.

Love,
Team Chapman

PS If you are someone who prays, I would love for you to remember us and the special little one who will come into our home.

Foster Parent Home Study

We started the process of becoming foster parents about one year ago.  We are finally at the last stage; The Home Study!  Fortunately we've been through these interviews before when we went through our adoption journey (that ended when we were not selected, our adoption agency shut down, and then we decided to have one more biological child; Nya) so we know what to expect.  I just wanted to share this part with you in case you are curious.

After our education classes were completed, we had to fill out about 50 pages of pre-interview questions that cover everything from intimacy, to finances, to discipline, to our childhood.  Imagine if you had to fill this out before having your own biological child?

Next will be several interviews with Gary and I together with our social worker.  Then, we will each have one on our own.  Finally, she will talk with the kids too.  She will need to put together a massive report and then we should be active!  I'm assuming that this will all be done close to April.

The other day I saw this post on facebook and I want to share it here.  So many people say, `What about your kids?' and believe me, we've thought about it.  As hard as it might be, don't you think they will all learn and grow from this experience?  I think of our trip to SE Asia.  Yes, Kai got Dengue Fever.  Koen got food poisoning.  Was it worth it? Yes.  They loved it and learned about other cultures.  I think about something as simple as letting them play hockey outside.  Do they get hurt? Yes. Do they love it and learn skills like teamwork? Yes.  I wish I could share more of our journey here as it happens but obviously privacy and respect are very important.  I will be sharing what I can.

The age of the child we will be welcoming into our home would be between the ages of 2-8; our kids ages.  I'm secretly hoping that the child will be between Nya and Koen as there is a 3.5 year age gap but I'm trusting God on this one.

If you have any questions, please ask.  I really want this to be a place of sharing, learning and growth for myself and others.

Love,
Louise

Foster Parent Training

We started the process of becoming foster parents in the spring and I posted about it here.  We are now almost halfway through our Foster Parent Mandatory Pre-Service Training.  Once a week, we meet with about 10 other couples who are on the same journey from the Delta/Surrey/Langley area.  The social worker teaches us from 6:30-10 pm as much as she can and answers our questions.  So far we have talked about the following topics; Foundations, Trauma, Attachment & Grief.  Still to come are; Partnership with Birth Families, Parenting Permanence, Protocols, Placement & Support.

By December we will be ready to start our home study process and that will take several months.  The greatest need is for families to foster teenagers so any parents willing to do so will have their home studies done first.  We are planning to foster younger children (2-8 years old) so I'm not sure how eager they will be to get to us.  There are about 800 children in the foster system in Surrey and about 400 foster families.

Once we have completed our home study (6 interviews and a giant report), we should be ready.  They put a lot of thought into the placements, especially if it's your first time, so I'm not sure how long it will take.  They want it to be a good fit for both the child and our family.  Could be the next day, could be a month or more.  Right now I'm anticipating March 2015.

I asked the social worker about what I can and cannot post in regards to fostering.  Sharing about this process is totally fine.  Once we have a child though, I will not be sharing information about when the child arrives, age, gender etc. I am allowed to share my feelings on fostering in general but nothing specific.  I completely understand but it will be hard for me.  I love processing here.

{This video was on facebook a while back.  We watched it in one of our classes. }

We've prayed for our child a little bit more lately, whoever he/she will be.  The most common reason children end up in foster care in our region is due to neglect (lack of adequate food, clothing, shelter, supervision etc often due to addiction).  I'm not sure how I will be able to handle the emotional aspect of this journey but with most things in life, even if something is difficult, the good outweighs the bad.

Please let me know of any questions you might have and I will gladly try to answer them. 

Love,

Louise

Journey to Fostering

As some people have noticed from the Adoption & Fostering Journey tab on the top of my blog, there will be some changes in our family.  Three years ago we were on the adoption waiting list for a baby and then we put it on hold, had Nya, and well, here we are.  We have started the process of becoming foster parents.  We are still at the beginning stages as we've just filled out the whole application and met with our awesome social worker.  Still to come is the home study and the education portion which will happen throughout the fall.  It is so similar to the adoption journey so I'm thankful that it feels familiar.  Hopefully if everything goes smoothly we will have a child in our home by the end of this year.

To answer the questions that we get all the time:

Q.  What age?
A.  We are wanting to foster a child that is within the age range of our own children.  So, 2-10 ish years of age.

Q. What about your own kids?  Aren't you worried about them?
A.  Our children are our priority.  We know it will not be easy on them.  Kai and Koen understand what will be happening as much as they can.  Kai is really hoping for a buddy to play hockey and video games with but knows that this may not be realistic:)   We know we will have to be watching our children more.  We know that the kids will learn from each other, good and bad.

Q.  Have you always wanted to be foster parents?
A.  No.  We wanted to adopt a child through an adoption agency.  You just never know what will happen in life and where your heart and God will lead you.

Q. Why?????
A.  Similarly to adoption, we have a great family (I think) with love to give.  There are needs all over the world, but there are also so many needs within our own community.  If we can provide a child with a stable and loving home, then I think we should.  Yes, it would be much easier to just keep doing what we're doing.  But just because something is easy doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

Q.  Are you hoping to adopt a child through fostering?
A.  That is not the plan as the goal is almost always to return the children to their parents.  To be honest, you never know what could happen.  I am definitely open to it.

Q. How long would a child be with you?
A.  We are planning on doing short term which would be up to a year.

Q.  Will the child go to school with Kai and Koen?
A.  From what we know so far, they will continue going to the school that they already attend to keep the constants in their life in place.  If it was longer term, there is a chance that they could go with the boys but that would be if the parents and social worker agreed and we paid for it.

Q.  Can you handle it emotionally?
A.  I don't know how I will feel when the child goes home.  Sad?  Frustrated and concerned?  Happy for them? I don't know.  I have dealt with the loss of my mother to cancer which is  REALLY sad.  And I survived.  And as sad as her death was, my life with her was so worth it.  Does that make sense?  The good outweighs the bad.

I don't love being so question and answery about this but I just want to sum up our hearts with
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ish, the Message (modern) version:

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut.
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself no others,
Isn't always `me first'
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doeesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovell,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

We will be cutting back on photography significantly in 2015 and we will likely just do a few weddings.  My time and energy will be spent in our home, with our family, as I want to make sure that my focus is on them all.  Depending on if the child is in school, I would love to continue subbing once a week for my sanity.

I would just encourage everyone be open to possibilities.  You never know what will be placed on your heart.  We will try one year at a time.  This could be the hardest year of our lives.  This could be the best year of our lives.  This could be a year of great growth.  This could be a year of disappointments.  We don't know, but we won't know unless we try.

So, that's where the Chapman family is at right now.  Thanks for following along.  Please ask questions if you have any!

Love, Louise