Friday, March 07, 2014

Just Say No....To Your Kids

Ok, so a whole lotta you are going to be thinking, `Uh, we don't get our kid whatever they want' or `I do not struggle with this at all' or something along those lines.  I know it seems like common knowledge what I'm going to say but it's something we've really had to deal with in our family a lot more recently.  It's easy to say `No, we're not buying Lucky Charms, they are full of sugar!' when we are at the grocery store, but it's another thing when they ask day in and out about a specific toy.

Delay of Gratification.  Our boys are learning this now...not just the idea of it but the term as well.  I think.  It's what we are working on, anyway, in regards to toys.  I find that as my boys get older, what their friends have, and what the television shows them, becomes so much more important.  It started off simple enough as their desires came from their true love of what they saw or read about around them.  For Kai, he loved diggers, then dinosaurs, then Lego, and this came naturally from what he liked after exposure to these things in our home and neighbourhood.  We would go see diggers, we got digger books, we inherited a plastic digger...all very simple.  Koen has always loved Cars and has played with them daily for two years, it is amazing.

Then came school friends and commercials on the television.  Suddenly, when Kai was in grade one, they were SO INTO POKEMON AND THEY WOULD LOVE THEM FOREVER IF WE GOT THEM SOME.   Well, in the past, they really truly did love what we got them and we really got our money's worth and they took care of their toys so maybe we could invest in some Pokemon.  We got them (from garage sales, Gary's students, Target), they loved them, they thanked us (it felt nice!) and then, well, that didn't last long.

{You don't really play Pokemon with Cars but Koen does.  I do have to say that Koen learned all his numbers up to 100 because of Pokemon}

Then came OH MY GOODNESS, BEYBLADES ARE THE COOLEST THINGS IN THE WORLD AND EVERYONE BATTLES THEM AT SCHOOL AND I WILL LOVE THEM FOREVER AND PLAY WITH THEM EVERYDAY.  After dealing with their fading love for Pokemon, I was a little hesitant but with a 50% off sale AND a coupon from the cereal box, we got a whole arena and whatever those specific Beyblades are called for about 25% of the original cost (which is still a crazy amount for some plastic).  This was two months ago.  They play with them once a week now.  Terrible.


So, the past month has been the talk that OKAY, THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WILL LOVE SOMETHING.  I WILL NEVER PLAY WITH ANYTHING ELSE AGAIN. I LOVE SKYLANDERS SO MUCH AND THEY ARE SO COOL AND KOEN AND I WILL TALK ABOUT THEM ALL NIGHT LONG EVERY NIGHT BECAUSE WE WANT THE SKYLANDERS SWAP FORCE.   Imagine this conversation every single day.

And what did we say?  NO.  It feels mean but it feels so good.  Do I get everything I want?  No way.  That's a good thing too.   I remember growing up how much I wanted a Cabbage Patch Doll. I waited an entire year for one and do you know how much I loved her? Wow. A lot. I treated her like gold (although I don't know where she is now:).  We actually said to the boys, `We have bought you a lot of toys, like the Beyblades, and you don't play with them very much at all anymore.  We will not buy you Skylanders now, but we will wait until your birthday which is 7 months from now.  If you still really want it, you can sell some of your other toys and use your birthday money to buy them.'. 

Do you know what they said?  `Okay!'  Instead, they printed up some Skylanders off the computer, they coloured them, and they played with them.  They sold a few toys already to start saving.  They still ask about it but they know that we will talk about it again seriously in August.

I see it so often these days,  kids whose parents struggle with boundaries and just give, give, give.  I'm not saying we are awesome because we are too lenient sometimes too.   How will the kids learn to appreciate all they have? How will they truly learn to work for what they want?  Parents often give because it feels good to make your kids happy (for that moment and I KNOW how good that feels).  I really encourage us all not to get caught up thinking about their present happiness but instead, think about the long term and how by saying `no' to them (and explaining why), they really will be able to say `no' to whatever impulses come their way.

I hope I don't sound too preachy...I just really think that things are way more out of control than they ever have been.  Set your boundaries and they will appreciate it in the long run!

What do you think?  Have your kids been SO CRAZY about something and then suddenly it wasn't so great anymore?  Do you have any tricks to see if your kids really and truly will love something?  If you don't have kids, what were rules that your parents had for you?

I hope you have a good weekend!

Love, Louise


4 comments:

  1. So incredibly well written my friend :) We are in the same boat 100% and our mentality is the same. Sticking with it? A lot easier when I read thoughts like these. Thanks for the encouragement xo M

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  2. Agreed! Thanks for the kick in the butt and encouragement to not let either of them get everything they want. With A we have started purging toys and when she got new MLP (my little pony's) at Christmas we made her choose 3 to give away to another little girl. She's pretty good about choosing stuff that we can either sell or donate. Heck she told me she would give away all of her ponies at one point and that sure as heck wasn't happening! We also still have Christmas presents that haven't been opened from the packaging yet :S just because there's too many toys and too many of them that aren't being played with.

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  3. Love that you are having them sell their existing toys to get new ones - budding entrepreneurs! Plus then they will understand money, resale etc. Great!

    And yes, of course I love this post.

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  4. We're pretty "practical" here and when it comes to Christmas and birthday time, we always sort through the pre-existing toys to make room for the new ones, either selling or donating (or even throwing out) ones that aren't used or age-appropriate anymore.
    Of course, E told me once he wanted to get rid of all his Lego. Um, not a stinking chance. That stuff is sticking around for our grandkids :) Just read an interesting paragraph in "The 5 Love Languages for Kids" on the language of "Receiving Gifts." you've probably read it, but in my version, it's page 78 (Chapter 5), under the heading of "Make the Most of Giving." Fourth paragragh...the one starting with "Do not let advertisers determine what you buy for your children..."
    If you can't find it, I'll message it to you. I thought of your blog post when I read it :)

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