Friday, July 22, 2011

Some Personal Stuff

Gary and I have been on a bit of a roller coaster ride over the last few weeks. I don't want to share too much info because it is so deeply personal, but, this is one place where I like to journal and process and just share life.
In this picture, I was ecstatic. I had a baby on my back and one in my uterus! Gary and I got pregnant right when we started trying. Unbelievable, shocking, and probably the greatest surprise of my life. Our week in Whistler was amazing and I felt the stereotypical pregnancy symptoms immediately and strong. It made me feel reassured that all was well. I was so excited that I would be having a baby just 3 months after two of my sisters. Did I mention yet how incredibly excited I was? I wanted to shout it to the whole world.

Last weekend, I started bleeding. I knew immediately it wasn't good and emailed several friends that had gone through it to get an idea of what was ahead. I don't know why I always assumed a miscarriage just lasted one day, because it doesn't. It was a long, tiring week. Sunday was the hardest emotionally and I felt quite empty...sort of like after my mom died. The boys helped me more than they'll know. They cuddled with me, were extra cute, and just made me smile. At one point, I was going through the toughest part and Kai was in the adjoining room just singing songs for me. He had no idea what was going on but it was so sweet and helped me through. I am so incredibly thankful that Gary has been home. It allowed me to just step back from a few things and he picked up those pieces.

How do I feel now? I'm doing well physically and emotionally. I just needed some time to myself. I am really hoping and praying that it wasn't my body that did it. What I mean is that I hope it didn't have anything to do with my hormones, due to my thyroid. We are looking forward to hopefully being pregnant again (and remaining so for 9 months!!) one day.

In the meantime, I'll just cuddle a little more with those extra cute kiddos of mine.
Love, Louise



14 comments:

  1. I can't think of any comments that would suffice but I wanted you to know I read this post and I appreciate you sharing it.

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  2. Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal and painful. My tears fall with yours Louise. I will continue to lift you up to the throne of grace as you journey this road, you are never alone.

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  3. Like ALi, I dont really know what to say. Im sorry about your loss and pray that God gives you and Gary the comfort and support you need during this time.

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  4. Uh, Louise, I am so sorry.

    When I read the sentence, "A baby on my back and one in my uterus," my heart leap for you.

    Thanks for sharing. Who knows why these things happen...

    Love to you.
    C.

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  5. Same here. We'll be thinking about you guys.

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  6. I am so sorry. I imagine you must be feeling a million different emotions at once.
    I pray that the good moments outweigh the hard.
    I pray that you feel strong and supported.
    Words just don't seem to suffice......

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  7. I can't imagine what you've both been going through- I'll really be praying for grace for the grief, and a new conception in the Lord's perfect timing.

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  8. oh! I'm so sorry to hear that :( Thank you for sharing so that we can pray for you.

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  9. SO very sorry to hear this, Louise. i can't imagine the sorrow - praying for you!

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  10. my love, prayers and support to you Louise.

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  11. So sorry, Louise

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  12. Louise, I meant to comment earlier, but somehow it didn't happen... mostly I just wanted to say a huge thank you for taking the time to watch Micah in the midst of all this. We really appreciate it so much! Praying for you.

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  13. Thank you for all of your comments, prayers and support!
    Charisa-we were happy to watch Micah. It was good timing in the sense that it kept my mind off of things. He is adorable and I'm thinking I would really love to have three boys:)

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