Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Baby Plans

So. Where to start. I don't want to share too much but we have shifted gears in the baby #3 department.

We still want to adopt. For sure. We are still on the list and plan to stay that way. The only way we would put our adoption on hold is if we get pregnant. That is now an option. Crazy. So yes, if we got pregnant, we would put our adoption on hold and then once our baby was a year old, we would re-open it.

Why a change in plans? Well, I really want a baby. Also, because I feel so healthy I'm starting to feel more of a desire to try to be pregnant one more time. Local adoptions are very slow right now. The only way we could probably be matched is if we were connected to someone in our community and then went through our agency with them. If we waited to be matched within the agency, I'm thinking it would be at least another 2 years. They have encouraged us to try other options. We have only been looked at (profile presented) once in the last 11 months.
We considered international. I just really, really want to have an open adoption (which I know is possible with international) that includes visiting if desired. That is much easier if in the same province!

I talked to my endocrinologist about a biological child. First off, if we are to have one, now is the time. I'm stable and in remission and off all medication. My first concern was that of the baby. There is only a 1-2% chance that he/she would have transient hyperthyroidism. This means that the first 6 months of their life, they would be hyperthyroid (shaky, skinny, irritable...so terrible!). My kids all carry the genetic possibility of having Graves' disease themselves, although, their chances are lower since they are boys and it's generally brought on after childbirth:)

In regards to me, I should be fine during pregnancy but will be monitored regularly and if need be, there is safe medication I can take. The biggest problem is that once the baby is a month old, I have a `relatively high risk' of relapsing. This sucks. However, I will be monitored and I feel like I know my thyroid better and can monitor my meds. My body responds strongly to PTU and I had too much medication last time. I know I will get through it and most likely reach remission again. When I think of Koen, he was so worth it so I just need to make sure I get support if need be. This sucks in a way because my mom would likely be my main support.

The reason I want to share this is because I feel like i'm hiding something if I don't. Also, I didn't want any surprises for everyone down the road (no, we are not pregnant yet). I also want to clarify that it's not because I'm impatient. The situation with the adoptions through this agency is much different than when we first signed up. Had we known what it was going to look like, we may have gone elsewhere.

This is hard for me. I feel like we are grieving in a way. I feel like I'm quitting. I'm wondering what God's plan is here. I mean, we could still possibly be matched in 6 months from now and all will be well. I don't like people knowing that we are trying to get pregnant now because then everyone just looks at my big belly and assumes I am:) It took a year with Koen so I'm assuming it will take a long time once again.

So, that's the scoop. If you don't know what to say, I understand. I don't know what I want to hear! Again, I really do feel like adoption is so right for our family and if we do have another biological child, I guess we're heading towards having 4 kids!

So ya, that's where we're at. For some reason this was hard to write because I'm not good with change and this is definitely a change of plans for now.

All right. Good night!
Love, Louise


8 comments:

  1. Thank you for your openness and honesty Louise! God hasn't forgotten you and knows your heart. I will keep praying for your next addition be it biological or through adoption.

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  2. Thanks for sharing your heart. I'm praying for peace and wisdom for you and Gary.

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  3. I can't understand how difficult all the uncertainty must be, but it sounds like there is so much possibility for your family!! It will be amazing to look back in five years and see that God was holding and guiding you the whole time. I will pray for the coming months.

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  4. Louise,
    Your ability to be honest and open is truly amazing and inspiring! I wish only good things for you in this department.

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  5. I share your frustration, Louise. Even though we are wanting to adopt a toddler from foster care, the last time I talked to our social worker, she said that there were only four children under the age of six available for adoption in the province's foster care system right now. We wish we would have known how low the number was when we started!

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  6. definitely a challenging situation you're facing - thanks for being willing to share this! :) Praying for health for you and another baby, be it biological or adopted :)

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  7. Anonymous2:52 PM

    What you are doing doesn't seem like giving up...more like adapting to the changing circumstances. Well done at being so on top of your options and open about your life! I feel like I learn a lot about how to have a family from your blog!

    -Science Student

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  8. Thanks for sharing this, even though I know it was hard. This change of plan seems totally reasonable to me and I can't imagine anyone thinking you are being impatient! We certainly don't. We support you and are praying.

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