Lotsa Thoughts

No pictures today (but lots in the last two posts)! Just a few things going on these days....

1. Just read `Still Alice'. It only takes a day to read it and it is so sad. I don't think I have ever cried so much reading a book as I did with this one. However, it taught me a lot more about Alzheimer's and sometimes, well, it's just good to have a bit of a sob fest.

2. I always think I have the body I did 10 years ago and so when I see a picture of myself, I'm a bit shocked. I'm about 20lbs heavier but I don't ever realize it. I don't want to be a person who obsesses about their body (aka myself all through high school), but it's just so strange that I'm eating and exercising the same I did 5 years ago, and yet my weight is so much higher. It's not muscle either. I feel like my fitness level is definitely getting back to where it once was so that is encouraging. I know I can work hard for 2 months and lose 10lbs, but then it would come right back on. I feel like my body is comfortable where it is at, so I sort of feel like I should just be happy with me at this weight. I can't blame this on my thyroid, my hormone levels have been normal for about 4 months. I wonder if it has to do with the job change...when you are teaching you are on your feet running around all day, and now, I spend at least 3-4 hours sitting on my butt working on the computer. If I could work out while editing photos, well, then maybe I'd be set. Might have to find that old thigh master I used back in grade 10:)

3. Adoption. For the first time I'm starting to feel very content with our family of 4. Like, if this is the way it ends up being, I'll be okay with it. I think it's because we're out of the baby stage and it's a bit scary to think about going back into it. In no way am I saying I don't want another baby, I truly, truly do. My heart hurts a little every time that I see a newborn baby, or a momma breastfeeding. I don't know if hurt is the right word, but I yearn for it. I still feel, 100%, that this is where we are meant to be; on an adoption journey. We recently got some new information from our adoption agency and things are very slow. It would seem that at this rate, it could take 3-4 years. Many adoptions take place through direct placement (where the birth parents choose to place their child with someone they know and the agency will facilitate it) so this could be a possibility too.

4. Photography. It's going super well. I LOVE that we have fewer weddings this year, it makes life a lot more flexible. I was only planning on doing 2 family sessions per month (alongside 1-2 weddings) but it has turned into more like 4-6. I start with two and then when it's obvious that no baby is going to be joining our family that month, I fill up the rest. Gary and I are always in discussion about possibly changing the name as I would like to be part of it:) When we started, Gary was the main photographer and I wanted to get started right away and not spend months trying to come up with a name. So, I just sent away `GC Photography' for approval and that's just the way it is. We are also always in discussion about getting an official website and of course, more equipment. Our 5D has not been 100% reliable lately (something with the battery connection) so we may need to get another. We are also sending our 70-200mm lens to Canon (in Ontario) to get fixed. So annoying, wish it was local. Therefore, we just bought another one off of craigslist to carry us over until we get it back. Then, we'll just sell one of them:) It's Gary's favourite lens.

5. Gary. Dude, spring break is so good for the marriage! Gary isn't tired and busy and it's so great to have someone else cooking and helping with the kids and cleaning etc. Obviously going on the two trips (so far) has been so good and fun. I find that I forget how cooped up I feel being in the house with mostly sick kids all winter. So great to get out! We are doing a four week marriage workshop in April and I am looking forward to it. We are also going to Seattle this week, just the two of us, for some photo taking and food eating.

6. The boys. Koen has started going on the toilet about once a day. He lets us know when he has to go but he's just a bit confused about whether he just has to fart:) I wanted to wait until the weather was a bit warmer to potty train him so that he can just run around in underwear. I'm thinking that I'll probably start after spring break though, we'll see how he does! He is hilarious and awesome. Kai is also doing well and I know I've said this before, but I just feel like he's 7 years old. He is great to talk with, although if I ever have to talk with him about `Balloon Tower Defense 4' again, I'm going to run away. Thank you to Gary for introducing him to his `favourite game ever'. Dare I say that although Koen still has a runny nose (for 4 months now), they are both healthy!!!! So great.