My Father's Daughter

I may have googled `midlife crisis' to figure out if that is what is going on.  I think I may be having one earlier than most people?!  I've made it through the `survive that first year and hopefully you'll get some sleep' stage and now have to think about what I want my life to look like.   I've been feeling off for the last month or so and even asked myself and Gary on multiple occasions if I was depressed.  But I'm not because I'm not sad or apathetic.  Something is just not right.

I have done some reflecting over the last month and realize I am my father's daughter.  I crave adventure.  And yet, I am my mother's daughter.  I love to just be home with the kids.  I need to have these two things in my life.

{I now have a scrabble partner!  So great for Kai as he loves words and math!}

Unlike some people, I like to be with my kids almost all the time.  I don't like leaving them and if we ever have a babysitter, you can bet I'm trying to get home as quickly as possible.  It helps when they are older.  I am okay leaving Kai and Koen overnight (for a couple of nights even although I've only done this twice?) and don't worry about them when they are at school/preschool.  Nya is still little though and I've never been away for her for more than 8 hours.  I want to be with her.  I want to be there for her.  I like being home and  having very few things on the calendar that involve a lot of visiting.  In small doses, great.  The four bbq's we had this weekend?  Totally nuts and I'm exhausted.  Seeing one to two good friends every week is so important to me.

I wondered if I needed to work outside the home.  Photography does allow that but in really small doses and usually on evenings and weekends.  So, I subbed.  It was good and I will continue to do it but it doesn't do anything for me in regards to making life feel more exciting or fulfilling:)  I think it will just be a way to connect with staff/friends, keep up my skills (it was like I never left) and make some money, of course!  Talking about subbing, I subbed for Gary.  He left good sub notes, in case you were wondering :)  I now know that I would never teach full time and fortunately we can afford for me to just work part time with photography and subbing.  I won't sub for more than one day per week though because it's not worth it to me to be away from my kids more than that if I don't need to financially.

I have always been quite adventurous and since having kids, things have changed.  For example, in my 20's I was adventure racing, kayak racing, snowshoe racing, quarterbacking a woman's football team, ran three half marathons, climbed Mt. Baker and Mt. Kilimanjaro, went scuba diving, left my job and went to teach in Kenya, hiked the West Coast Trail twice, the Cape Scott Trail and the Stein Valley, did a sprint triathlon, took a train across Canada (all the way!) etc.

 One of the things that Gary and I loved was always being outdoors and exploring.  This was one of the main things that attracted me to him.  The problem is, the last time we did an overnight hiking trip was BEFORE kids.  Eight years ago!!!!!   We always have to take the kids with us which makes it a different kind of adventure.  SE Asia was great but so exhausting.  Usually adventure invigorates me, with the kids it is fun but exhausting.

 In 4 years or so, we'll be able to do more overnight hikes with them where it won't be so much work, but in the meantime, I'm not getting a big enough dose of adventure in my life.  I want to hike and travel and compete and explore.  I often get jealous of people who have moms that are free and willing and want to be able to help out in any way. (Just want to note that I am thankful that my inlaws babysit when we have weddings to photograph!).

{Nya is teething and that molar on the bottom makes her have her tongue out all the time.  I love being home with Koen and Nya.  My buddies.}

So, what is preventing me from having adventure in my life?  

1.  I work every Saturday.  Next year, this is changing.  I will only work 1-2 Saturdays a month and just do several sessions on those days.

2.  Child care.  We don't have someone who can just watch our kids at anytime and I don't feel like paying $100 to go hiking for the day with Gary.  So.....I'm hoping to swap with a sister or two once/month or maybe asking Gary's parents as long as I ask for it enough in advance and drive out to Abbotsford to drop off and pick up.  Another option is to adventure with someone other than Gary :)  He can watch the kids and I can go on a bike trip with friends.  Or kayaking.  Or hiking.  

3.  24 Hours.  I need to find short adventures because I don't like being away from Nya for too long...she's still little in my eyes!

{Nya with grandpa above and Opi below}

And, we also need to think of good adventures with our kids.  Often, the progression of events goes like this:

1.  I would like to hike Black Tusk with Gary.

2.  We don't have anyone to watch the kids and they couldn't do that one.

3.  Let's do Lower Falls as a family instead.

4.  Nya needs to nap, let's just walk to Extra Foods.

Ridiculous!!!!

{This is my breakfast every day.  Totally helped me lose some weight and keep it off.  Koen and Nya LOVE the spinach smoothie too.}

So, I think I've figured out why I am feeling the way I am and somehow I have to incorporate a bit more adventure into my life.  I don't even want to publish this because it seems like in some way I'm ungrateful for all I have.  I'm not.  I am so thankful, I just know a piece, an important piece to me, is missing.  Now that I know what it is, we can work on it :)

 I hope you are having a great week!  The sun is out, we are all healthy, life is good.

Love, Louise

A Look Back

Yesterday was the first time in a really long time that I had nothing on the calendar!  As much as I always think I would look forward to it, I quickly realize that unless there is a good book to read, I just fill my time getting things off the `To Do If There Is Any Spare Time' list.  Boring!!  Yesterday? I went through our photos from 2008-2012 and deleted about 3/4 of them to clear space and then burn discs of them.  They are backed up in two places, but you can never be too safe!

First of all, I realized that I have way too many pictures of my kids.  Wow.

Secondly, I realized that it is so amazing that I have been able to stay home with my kids and experience every day with them.  I know I give them my all and although it's not always fun, it is good for them and me.  I know it is not for everyone and I never even considered what `the plan' would be when we had kids beyond going back to work part time after Kai was born.

This is perfect timing as I'm feeling unsure of what I want to do with my life right now.  I want to be with my kids but I do need something more.   I'm an adventurous person and when `decipher that illness' is the most excitement I have for the day, it's not that fun.  On that note, Kai has a painful growth on his chest that I had to take him to the dr. for this week....he's on antibiotics but they are not sure that it is an actual bacterial infection so I will bring him back in a few days.

So, for a fun look back, here are just a few random photos I found while going through the photos...
                                                                         
                                                       They were so cute and Bubi is in great condition!!

Below, Gary and I hiking Greendrop Lake.  I really need to go for a hike with my husband!  I love this picture.

Love Oregon.  That is what we are doing next summer.  Hopefully we'll find a solution to staying warmer at night.  LOVE Nehalem Bay State Park.

Love my boys.

Koen has such a zest for life.

Two weeks before Nya.  

And then there were three.

Gary has the great ability to nap anywhere at anytime.  Love you baby Nya!

We love Tofino.

And now, because we are running the race in one month (oh boy, better get running more than 3km again!), here is a look back at the last 5 years of the race.  This year I am not only running in memory of my mom but I am running for my friend Alissa.  I lived with her  for 6 months while I was in Kenya (we shared a bed and a hut and were the only mzungus, aka white people, that had lived within miles and miles) and she was diagnosed with breast cancer years ago and although she was in remission, it has come back and is in her hip.  She is younger than me and lives in Alberta with her husband and two kids.

2008 (Kai is 2 years old and I'm 6 months pregnant with Koen)

2009 (I was sick with Graves Disease and had to walk the 1 km)

2010

2011 (baby Nya was in utero..just 6 weeks pregnant!)

2012 (babies Hannah, Isaac, Jack, Nya and Georgia joined our team this year!)

I hope you are having a great week.  

As much as it can be boring to be at home, I am so thankful that I can be there every single day for them and with them.

Love, Louise

Love

Sometimes just seeing them all together, not beating each other up, just fills my heart to the brim.  Sounds cheesy but it does.

According to Kai, he had the best first day ever.  This may have something to do with his `very funny' teacher and the fact that she gave them popsicles :)

{Grade Two!}

Koen is not as pumped about preschool as he's at the same one and it's going to be a similar program to last year.  

Nya did not love all the driving around today.  Kai had a half day and Koen had a shortened preschool day so I was Mrs. Taxi Driver.

Very thankful to be their mom.

Love, Louise

Change

I am in a very `interesting' place in my life right now.  I feel content and thankful BUT I feel like there is more.  I'm not truly happy.  Like, maybe 7/10 but I know I could be happier/more joyful.  Yes, as my friend Jen pointed out, I quantify everything!   

I've been at  home for almost 5 years now. Wow!  I'm so sick of facebook and the media and a calendar that's too full.   I want to spend a year somewhere with my family, contributing in a way that makes a difference and just living simply.  I know we could do that here but I really do want to live overseas.  I'm not too sure anymore that it would be Kenya as I feel that safety would be a bigger concern.  We will see.  This would be in about 4 years or so but I wish it was now.  My main concern for my children going overseas is their health so I want to wait until Nya is older.  Also, I would love for them to remember it and be really involved in the community we end up at.  

Gary and I are not in an awesome place.  We're fine, just not awesome.  We are 100% committed to each other, but man, we are not having a lot of fun together.  I know it's not all about fun, but right now we are just busy and tired with three young kids and a business and a house and a job and child care and groceries and a yard and vehicles and family and friends and church and school...you know, life.   Just like so many other people I guess!  

In the meantime, I want to make changes here.  I want to get off of facebook although probably not completely as it's useful for our business and keeping in contact with relatives and family far away.  I want to do less photography as I dream of free Saturdays and evenings.  I have been doing it for so long and I'm going to start subbing again to see how I feel.  I'm already subbing the first Friday for my favourite teacher; Mr. Gary Chapman :) I'm thinking that in 2014, I might just do several photography sessions on one Saturday a month.  I want to join a sports team.  I miss the hard work, camaraderie and competition.  I wish I could play football but it is so tricky being in Vancouver.  We will see.  

Anyway, those are just some thoughts, on to photos of our long weekend!

On Thursday we went up to Seasons in the Park at Queen Elizabeth Park.  We went with Gary's family (just adults) for his parents 45th wedding anniversary.  What a great restaurant!  We will definitely go back, just Gary and I, as I think it would be quite romantic.  The view is awesome and so is the food.   Big thank you to my sisters Jackie and Maria for each taking a shift babysitting!  Maria and I swap babysitting at least 1-2/month and it's so great to save about $50/month :)  Besides, we know each other's kids so well which leaves us both feeling very confident.  Usually the `rule' is that the babies need to be in bed already but on this day Maria had to dinner and bedtime for all three!  Three cheers for sisters!

On Friday, I was supposed to go hiking with Lynette but she injured her back.  So sad :(  We will plan to go again.  I really needed a day away as I haven't been away from my family for the full day (besides photographing weddings) for at least 3 years?  I'm pretty sure the last time was when I went kayaking with friends three summers ago.   Oh my goodness!!! I need a vacation from my family!!  I have gotten away with just Gary in that time, I think the last time I was 12 weeks pregnant with Nya, so almost 2 years ago.  As soon as Nya sleeps through the night consistently (she's back up again at 4 or 5am) we will hopefully get away for one evening? 

So instead of hiking on Friday, I went to a playdate at my sisters in the morning where I brought boxes of my clothes I was getting rid of and everyone got something.  Then, Jan and I swapped a box of boy and girl clothes! So great.

After Nya's nap, we went to the PNE.  Fortunately we could get Kai and Koen the Junior ride passes but that is the last year for that as Kai is technically in the next size now which doubles the cost of the rides.  I guess next year we can just to go the PNE and walk around but the rides are our favourite part!  We'll see.  There is no way I'm paying $40+ for Kai to ride on the rides.  We brought our own food but they were thrilled that they were allowed to share cotton candy.  I think next year we will do the Northwest Washington Fair instead, although I haven't even looked to see if it's more affordable.

Unfortunately Nya was unable to do anything as I wasn't going to buy her a ride ticket. There wasn't really anywhere for her to run around so she was stuck in our arms or the stroller.

Talking about eggs (picture above), did I tell you that Koen tested positive for Salmonella? Yup. From Thailand.  He seems to be better now but that was a long 3 weeks of needing to be close to a bathroom at all times.  Nya was also tested last week, don't have the results back yet...

The Octopus was a bit too scary for Koen as it can get spinning and dropping pretty fast.  We saw the Superdogs show and Koen said `Too bad their isn't a Superfish show so Gordie (our fish) could be in it!'.  Also, he asked if Bailey and Boom Boom (my sister's dog and my dad's dog) would be in the show.

This is Nya's classic smile to strangers. She especially likes smiling at men.

So apparently Koen loved the roller coaster, his face says otherwise.  He is trying to lift his arms up, so funny.

Below is Kai's favourite ride.

You can see that Koen wasn't so sure about it :)  Kai gave the day an 8 3/4 out of 10.

On Saturday, we went to Brae Island in Fort Langley.  We pretty much had the whole beach to ourselves.  We had a picnic and played in the sand and water.  I really like this beach because it's close, warm and  not busy.

On Saturday night, the boys slept in the tent in our backyard with Gary.  Koen did not make it there overnight as he was sent in to his bedroom.  

On Sunday we went running in the morning (in two shifts, as per usual) and then went to church.  And, because I love Kai's writing and spelling, here is his current Christmas list.  This way, if  they ever say they want something, I don't have to hear them ask over and over.  I just say `put it on the list'.  I especially like how he wrote `Cotton Candy' (#6).

It's back to school tomorrow!  Nothing really exciting though as Koen is just back in preschool and Kai goes to grade 2.  We found out his teacher and classmates and are very happy with it all.  I hope that he is challenged enough, especially in math, as he is no longer in a combination (split) class.  We will see!  The cool thing about his teacher is that I taught her kids science back in the day.  Kai couldn't care less about back to school clothes, it's so funny to me.  I babysat my nieces last night and they showed me their outfits already laid out.  

I hope you had a great long weekend!    I think we are going to have a picnic dinner to finish off our holidays.  What an awesome summer.  I'm exhausted but it was a good one!  

Love, Louise

Me At Nya's Age

Thank you for answering my question in the last post about how often you and your partner are in contact throughout the day.  I think it is more professionally based than anything!  Gary really doesn't have time to text/call/email me as he's teaching all day.  Let's be honest, if you are Gary's friend, you know that is not his strength.  At all.

I told him he could get an iPhone but he said he didn't want to be able to text with me:)  I think he's scared I'd ask him to do a million errands on the way home or something.  I know I can always contact him in an emergency if I call the school but we are trying to figure out the best way to stay a bit more connected during the day because I need it.  

Here is a picture of me at Nya's age.  I look like a mix of Nya and Georgie.  Nya's head is thinner and she has a cuter nose but man, we tie for baldness!  She has my smile though:)

Today Isaac was over and it was wet but we still explored.  Kai and Koen went to Gary's parents overnight (Yahoo!!!!  Missed them but so nice to have a break!  They do it about 2-3x a year) so I just had the two little kids! They are soooo easy together!  If Nya was a twin, I wish it would be with Isaac:)  He is very gentle and sensitive.  When I said `NO!' to Nya, Isaac started crying!  So sweet.

Isaac: Water! Water!

Nya is so cute and tries to pick up water with a pincer grasp.

 Wait up Isaac!  He's a runner.

A walk is more about the journey.  Fun things to jump on that make a cool sound.  Isaac is 4 months older and about 2 inches and 10 lbs heavier than Nya :)

And the park is in sight! Off they go....

So great to spend some time with Isaac and get to know him better.  I could never do daycare full time but I do enjoy doing it once in a while...for one kid :)

And the boys.  This trampoline has been sooooo well used.  Always a different game going on.

Too cute! Buddies!

By the way, I've been having smoothies for breakfast every day for 5 days and have tripled my fruit and veggie intake (it was really terrible before), feel way healthier, and lost 2-3 lbs.  Just saying! Ha, I sound like an infomercial.  Koen LOVES infomercials:)

HOpe you are having a good week!

Love, Louise

Question

How often do you call, text or email your partner daily?  

Menchies Makes the Summer Top 5 List

It's been a week since I blogged!! Miss me?   So what have we been up to?

Zumba: I went and it was okay but I didn't love it as much as I thought.  It was a room full of Lululemon in a club...I'm more of a hiking wearing MEC clothes girl.  Going hiking next weekend with Lynette and looking forward to it!

Sickness: Nya had a fever for two days but seems okay now.  Not a teething fever, a high one.  Her two lower molars are making their way through and it's going to take a month...she doesn't teeth well.  Back up at 4 or 5am for a feed.

                                             

Work: I've had five photo sessions this week.  Now I have two weeks to get caught up before my next session. Phew.  Gary goes back to work tomorrow!! This is a good thing.  Space is healthy for our marriage and we haven't had a whole lot of it in the last 8 weeks :)  I hope to start subbing once a week and the end of September is busy with two weddings in a row (we usually just do one per month).

Playdates: Lots.  I'm not good with too many as it throws everything off balance (getting work done while Nya sleeps, cleaning while the kids play nicely etc).  I need to limit this to one per week too or I end up having to work til 11pm which is not fun.

Smoothies: Started having smoothies for breakfast packed with fruit, veggies and flax.  If you have a recipe you'd recommend, please let me know!!  I need something healthy that astes good.  My kids are way better at eating their fruits and veggies than I am.  So far, it's been really good.

Hockey Camp: Kai had a week of hockey camp in the mornings.  It was just run by the city so nothing fancy.  He loved it though so that was great.  It was a week of playing hockey which got his muscles back in shape after his illness.  Glad he loved it!

Cement: Gary finished off the cement pad and learned a bit in the process.  May have to refinish the top after the winter:)  Thanks Gary!

Church: I asked the kids if they wanted to go to church or go hiking.  They chose church.  My vote was to go hiking as I wanted to do Lower Falls with them :)  Oh well, I had fun hanging out in the nursery with all the mommas and babies.  Nya did not want me to leave her alone. At all.  She is G.R.U.M.P.Y.

I have no idea what these spy glasses are for.  Koen made them in Sunday School and proceeded to play `Spy' with his stuffed animals all afternoon.  He is sooooo good at playing by himself.  He has a fabulous imagination.

Menchies: I have several groupons and today we went.  It made the top 5 events of the summer for them.  They loved it and cannot wait to go back.  They are putting `Menchies gift cards' on their Christmas list.

Shopping: While in South Surrey, we did a quick shop at the GAP outlet while our kids ran wild.  I need to replace a lot of my clothes and apparently Gary and I like stripes?   Gary also got a green long sleeved dress shirt that looks pretty good on him :)  It helps that everything was on sale, and up to 60% off.  It's probably good we went with the kids so I didn't have time to do any more shopping.  

Babysitting: We babysat Isaac one day this week and also will next week.  He's so easy to take care of as he loves all of our toys and the kids play well with him.  He spent over an hour on the trampoline, by himself, jumping on top of the balls. Him and Nya could live outside.

Hung out with sisters: Had playdates and took some pictures of my littlest niece Grace.  Her big sister Hannah had zero desire to be in the photos.  

Back To School: Had some back to school photo sessions.  Here are some pictures of Koen.  I love having the kids write their own name because it allows you to see how cute their writing was when you look back a year later.  Koen wanted to wear his hat:)  My kids did not get a lot in the way of new school clothes.  Some jeans and runners. That's it. No new shirts.  They just have so many already.  They don't care at all about clothes so that's good.  Well, a shirt with Mario or Pokemon is cool to them but that's about it. Oh, and Koen likes this hat.

Koen is just going back to preschool.  Sooooo ready for kindergarten but he's a January baby!

Kai is looking forward to going to school but he doesn't care who is in his class or who his teacher is.  So easy going that way.  

All righty, time to relax as tomorrow it's back to `normal'!  Three kids at home and Gary goes to work!  We'll be going to visit the kids daycare so they can familiarize themselves with it and she can get to know them briefly.  I've been making meals and freezing them in preparation for Gary going back :)  

Have a great week!

Love, Louise

PS Don't forget to tell me your favourite healthy smoothie recipe!!!