Monday, May 16, 2016

In the Midst of the Messy Place

I feel like we are in a messy, middle place.  Is there a word for that? Limbo? Transition? It's just an uncomfortable yet necessary step.  Our foster child is transitioning home slowly which means about half the week is spent with us and half the week with Mama.  We're dealing with big feelings from every single family member and it's tricky.  I almost wish our Little One could just go because then we could all move on to the next step.  However, I know that this middle space is where we need to be.  We are working through our thoughts in this messiness and doing our very best to make it go smoothly.



I was reflecting on my feelings because what we are going through is not something I experience often.  It reminded me of the times that I knew a relationship was ending and yet we had to make the final decision to break up–you know what I mean?  You reflect on the good and bad, you think about moving forward, you feel loss, maybe you feel hope...you just feel uncertainty and instability.  You can't stay in that place and you need to keep moving because there is no rest or peace in remaining stationary.  I feel stuck even though we are inching forward.

I was also reminded of the period of time in which my mom was very sick and about to pass away.  Now my feelings aren't as strong as that but they are in that uncomfortable place–a place where I know we can't stay in this situation much longer.   I feel uneasy, emotional, and tense.  Hopeless and hopeful.  We need to say good-bye so that everyone can move on. 

So when people say "I couldn't foster because I don't think I could say good-bye", well, I get it.  I'm one of the most emotional people I know but I'm doing it. This is really tricky and awkward.  I feel sad for our Little One because there is such a lack of control and little understanding about what is going on.  I feel on the verge of tears for myself because it's just not easy.  I feel nervous about how my kids are all responding to this situation differently.

All this to say, I've been in messy transitions before.  I know I can do it because I have.  I know each feeling of discomfort is part of this journey and the processing of it–it's not healthy to try to skip a step and I will learn something from it all.  I need to feel and wrestle and be.

I know we can all do it one uncomfortable step at a time.

Love,
Louise

PS I do want to point out that there is hope because our Little One is happy with Mama and that makes me happy.  This is one of my favourite posts that I wrote about the foster/birth parent relationship.

18 comments:

  1. I so admire foster parents! Thank you for being there for a child who needs that rock. Discomfort is a natural part of life, and urges us to push through hard times. Every feeling is valid, and everything is eventual. Good luck pushing through, mama!

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    1. Thank you, Hannah! I love your words about discomfort and urging us to push through. I'm a big feeler so sometimes I think I'm "too much" but I love that you say every feeling is valid. Okay, basically I appreciated everything you said ;)

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    2. I'm a big feeler, too. I'm glad I said something coherent! I swear I'm not always that eloquent. :)

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  2. You are doing such an amazing thing Louise and I hope you remember tgat during this tough trsnsition period. Sending wishes of peace and strength your way. Thank you for being there for that little one to make sure that they didn't fall through the cracks or become a statistic.

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    1. Thank you, Brandee! I appreciate your encouragement :)

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  3. I am thinking and praying for you, your Little One, their Mama, and your family. Although I don't have my own biological children, I have loved many children in a variety of family situations who have travelled through the doors of my classroom.. I have so much respect and admiration for parents and the huge job they have.

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    1. Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement! I appreciate more, now than ever, how much teachers love their students and from the sounds of it, you have a huge heart! Thank YOU!

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  4. LO has been so fortunate to be able to be a part of your loving family. It must be so much easier for you to know that LO is happy being with his own Mama too.

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  5. A friend of mine fosters infants for a year or more at a time, and wow, what strength it takes to say goodbye. I do understand the 'already but not yet' drawn out thing - my dad faded (and suffered) for 10 years - when it was finally time, it was a relief.
    This is my first time on your blog, and I'm so glad I'm doing this writing challenge with you - I'm excited to get to know some more awesome bloggers! :)

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    1. Wow, ten years, I can't imagine. AS you said it's a relief in one sense but a sad reality. Thank you for commenting! I look forward to meeting new writers/bloggers, too!

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  6. I understand exactly what you mean when you described that time before your mom passed away-I felt that this past summer. It was a limbo that I didn't want to ever end because it would mean saying goodbye yet I knew we must. Lots of love to you and to your Little One as you make the transition.

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    1. I'm so sorry you went through this so recently. The journey you are on is hard...those first few years...I'm sorry. Thank you for your encouragement!

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  7. Praying for you and your family during this transition time, and for your little one as well :)

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    1. Thank you, Sarah!! Much appreciated :)

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    2. PS AND thank you for commenting!

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  8. I am amazed at foster parents and so humbled by you. Such a difficult time but be strong

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    1. Thank you Aneta! It's amazing what we, as humans, can do. I didn't think I was capable but I'm doing it so I must be :)

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