Tuesday, November 17, 2015

When Expectations Are Not Met

We have some rules in our family, you know, things like showing respect, eating together, and not screaming. Well, guess what?  When you have a child that comes from a completely different upbringing, you can have a routine and you can model behaviours BUT when they are in a situation where they feel little control already, they are definitely going to exert their independence.  This is good–you want them to have the ability to make some choices but it's hard when you feel like you know what the right option is.

Our Little One has come so, so far and yet we can get so, so frustrated.  We have expectations for behaviour and when they aren't met, or they are purposely disobeyed, it's hard.  We have to continually remind ourselves that in order to prevent getting angry, we cannot have the same expectations on our Little One.  This child might need to eat apple slices on the couch for dinner while we all sit nicely around the table.  This child might climb up on my chair and start typing on my computer AGAIN when my own kids would not dare.  This child might require that I have a hand on their leg while they drift off to sleep every single night.  This child might not listen to the word "stop!" and run away giggling even in serious situations. This child might require 100 repetitions to learn something whereas it might have taken my own child five.  We still encourage our Little One to make wise decisions but need to be patient with the process.


Friends, this is hard and I don't feel equipped.  The anger that comes from my unmet expectations–this is MY problem.  I need to continually remind myself of this, because otherwise, this lack of patience comes out on my own kids (and husband, too.)  I'm disappointed in myself and I feel like I fail every single day...I know I'm a good mom but all the good parts seem to get lost in the frustration.  When my kids look back over the day, will they remember the fun at the playground and cuddles on the couch or will they remember mom raising her voice...yet again?


I think an adjustment of expectations has to happen so many times in our lives; from marriage to friendships to parenting–we need to love people for who they are not what they do.  This whole parenting thing is tough; all we can do is get up each day, try our best, and hope to learn to adjust along the way. Much love to you all going through this.

"Children are not a distraction from more important work.  They are the most important work."– C.S. Lewis

Love,
Louise


10 comments:

  1. this. today. perfect timing. great quote. thanks for being honest. so appreciated.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THanks for reading and encouraging adrienne!

      Delete
  2. Well written post with many wise words of your own and ending with such an appropriate quote from C.S. Lewis.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous1:24 PM

    That quote is awesome. I was praying about parenting this morning and this quote is so fitting. We can't underestimate the importance of what we are doing. Love your honesty. -brianne

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love the quote too. I need to pray more about my parenting...good reminder.

      Delete
  4. Our family has changed over the years because of the flexibility and patience we need to have when welcoming new children into our lives. Know you are doing a good job, and no two children are the same. It's always an ever changing routine, and if you think you've gotten it figured out, things change again. It never fails. Hardest job ever parenting. Take time for yourself and your family. I admire your honesty through all this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Cheryl! I don't know how you've done it for so long and adapted each time! High-five to you!

      Delete
  5. I can totally relate Momma, why must we be so hard on ourselves? However we do. To me that makes us good mothers, parents. I try and remember at the end of the day will always remember the cuddles not the times you raised your voice. Remembering that the frustration is our problem is a great reminder, I needed this today. Another trick I try to use is when I feel the frustration building I say to myself "They are little, they don't understand, they are learning too. Your doing great keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great advice to yourself :)

      Delete
  6. Denise N8:43 PM

    Keep up the good work. I admire you. For ur honesty, ur openess, ur wisdom. Thanks for paying this this evening. A great reminder to all of us.

    ReplyDelete