When Expectations Are Not Met

We have some rules in our family, you know, things like showing respect, eating together, and not screaming. Well, guess what? When you have a child that comes from a completely different upbringing through fostering, you can have a routine and you can model behaviours but when they are in a situation where they feel little control already, they are definitely going to exert their independence.  This is good – you want them to have the ability to make some choices but it's hard when you feel like you know what the right option is.

Our Little One has come so, so far and yet we can get so, so frustrated.  We have expectations for behaviour and when they aren't met, or they are purposely disobeyed, it's hard. We have to continually remind ourselves that in order to prevent getting angry, we cannot have the same expectations on our Little One. This child might need to eat apple slices on the couch for dinner while we all sit nicely around the table. This child might climb up on my chair and start typing on my computer AGAIN when my own kids would not dare. This child might require that I have a hand on their leg while they drift off to sleep every single night. This child might not listen to the word "stop!" and run away giggling even in serious situations. This child might require 100 repetitions to learn something whereas it might have taken my own child five. We still encourage our Little One to make wise decisions but need to be patient with the process.

Friends, this is hard and I don't feel equipped. The anger that comes from my unmet expectations – this is MY problem.  I need to continually remind myself of this, because otherwise, this lack of patience comes out on my own kids and husband, too. I'm disappointed in myself and I feel like I fail every single day...I know I'm a good mom but all the good parts seem to get lost in the frustration. When my kids look back over the day, will they remember the fun at the playground and cuddles on the couch or will they remember mom raising her voice yet again?

I think an adjustment of expectations has to happen so many times in our lives; from marriage to friendships to parenting – we need to love people for who they are not what they do.  This whole parenting thing is tough; all we can do is get up each day, try our best, and hope to learn to adjust along the way. Much love to you all going through this.

"Children are not a distraction from more important work.  They are the most important work."– C.S. Lewis

Love,
Louise