Tips For Parenting Teens

All right, I am not an expert in parenting but I am a mother of two teenage boys and a preteen girl AND I have been teaching teenagers since 2001. I did write earlier on parenting tweens but haven't talked about the teen years. There seems to be an endless supply of parenting advice for newborns and toddlers but what about the wild ages of 13-18? What to expect when you're...a parent of teens?  This is what I would say:

How to Help Create Balance in Your Life

I am in a brand new stage of life. Our youngest is now seven years old and I'm guaranteed child-free time from 9 PM until 7 AM each day. Our oldest is a teenager and responsible enough to be left in charge of the other two for short periods of time. Heading into another year of work this September, Gary and I talked about our goals as teachers and parents. We both had the desire to balance our physical health with all that was expected of us (I would add mental health to mine as well). 

In the past I have felt that there was no time. Sure, there were evenings but by that time I was just so tired. I had heard of people getting up at 5 AM but memories of my dad waking us up at that time to go fishing as teenagers filled my head and I just could not do it. I read the book "The 5 AM Club" and decided to go ahead with some of it's main principles. It has been life-changing and let me tell you why...

The Coquitlam Crunch

If you are looking for a good little workout you may want to check out the Coquitlam Crunch. Our kids ages 6 to 12 love a bit of a challenge and completed it no problem. It is 2.2 km each way with an elevation gain of 244 meters and took us about one hour to complete – I probably held them back a bit to be honest although Nya did not love the last 200 meters to the top.

One Strategy to Nurture Your Child's Brain

As a parent of 12 years I have come to realize that there is a lot more to it than I initially thought. Sure, there are the basics that I knew about such as the importance of sleep, healthy food and safety but then there is this whole other realm of meeting their emotional needs. Often it takes a more than a hug when they're sad to actually make everything better and each child is so different. Your child may get wrapped up in anxiety or be very angry and have a tantrum or meltdown or they may shut down all together. I find we often expect adult behaviour from our young children and that is a very important realization to have – their brains aren't fully mature until they are in their 20's (or longer for those with executive functioning issues).

What I Learned from My Mother by Watching Home Videos

As I move further along in this parenting journey (I almost have a teenager, folks) the more I wonder how my parents did it with five daughters in eight years. I recently spent several hours watching old home videos of my childhood and found it interesting to see my memories from a different lens – that of a parent now myself. There was one major realization that occurred:

My parents were so relaxed. 

Preparing to Parent Teens in Today's Culture

Suddenly I find myself approaching the next stage in parenting: the teen years. I enjoy teenagers and spent five years getting a degree so that I could teach them science (biology in particular). However, there is fear which comes from the fact that I remember myself during those years. I was a hard-working student, had a part time job throughout high school and was quite responsible overall but I still had an "experimental" side to me and I didn't have to deal with the whole social media aspect that kids nowadays do.

When Someone Calls Your Child a Hurtful Name

Have you ever had someone say something mean to you? What about to your child? I used to think I would give that person a piece of my mind but my thoughts have changed on this – I approach it a little more gently and try to see both sides. I am not saying verbal attacks are okay, because they are not, and if an adult ever said something harmful to a child I would be all over it with that power imbalance. Harsh words need to be recognized and dealt with, however, there are several reasons why it occurs and knowing them could help us when we approach that situation. Here are four examples that I am familiar with...

How Parenting a Child From Hard Places Looks Different

I hardly feel like I'm qualified to speak about this but as a foster parent who has cared for five different children from hard places I have some insight to pass along. I also have a minor in psychology if that increases my credibility in your eyes at all (insert winky face emoji).  How will this information on attachment help you? Well, knowing what some people go through allows you to understand the world a little better and develop more empathy. Also, who knows what your future will look like – maybe you will have a connection with someone who had a difficult childhood.

What might it look like to help support and nurture a child who has suffered neglect and trauma?

What I Want My Kids to Know

{An audio version of this post is here.}

My mom wrote us a letter which we received after she died. I don't have a lot of emails from her as most of our contact was over the phone and therefore those intentional words bring me a lot of peace and a connection to her. I will sometimes say to my husband "If anything happens to me, make sure you remember to..." and it's not that I am pessimistic, I believe I am realistic. My sister has my passwords and Gary knows what I want my funeral to look like. Although my children have an online journal of sorts here, these are some words that I would want them to know and remember.

Four Sites to Follow if You Have a Toddler

Being a biological mom to three and a foster mom to five we have gone through this toddler stage a time or two (or eight). There are many great resources if you are looking for snack ideas or simple activities and here are some of my favourites to follow if you have young kids:

Are Bento Boxes Worth the Investment?

Do school lunches stress you out? I used to dread it. While it's not at the top of my list of fun things to do it is definitely more enjoyable these days. Yes, I enjoy making school lunches. What do I give 100% of the credit to? Bento boxes.

I was very skeptical making my bento box purchase.

Would it hold enough food for my fast-growing boys? Would the liquids make everything soggy when it was tossed around in their backpacks? Would my kids make a huge mess trying to get it open? Is it actually worth all that money?

Being a Working Parent and Letting Go of the Guilt

One of the trickiest pieces of parenting that I did not anticipate was how working would fit into it. Would I have to work? Would I want to? How would it affect my kids? Could we live on one income if I didn't? And the big one: Who would take care of my children? Since having children eleven years ago I have taken a maternity leave, worked outside the home and worked from home with a photography business. Do I have it all figured out? Almost. Maybe. I asked my friend Melissa about her working parent journey and if you don't have time to read it all, skim to the end where she talks about regrets and guilt. Do it. 

A big thanks to Melissa for sharing her wisdom on the working parent balance.

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Why I Can't Let You Help with the Laundry

If you would like to listen to the audio version, click here. Sorry I'm speaking so quickly in it, I was trying to do it with four kids running around and had to get it done before someone screamed. Would you ever listen to the audio version or no?

The other day I had a friend at our home babysitting our youngest so we could hit up the mountain with the big kids. Baby would be napping for a significant portion so my generous friend asked what she could do to help out around the house. I said sweeping would be great and she suggested folding laundry. My brain went into alert mode. I quickly said there was none (there really wasn't) and I tried to get the vision of someone else touching my laundry out of my mind. So many things could go wrong – piles mixed up, clothes put away in the wrong drawers, people touching my underwear?! Am I a bit extreme? Perhaps. I do think we all have one thing (at least) that we don't want someone helping with in our home, am I right?

What I've Learned About Life as a Foster Parent

We have had five foster children in our home over the past three years and although we are still somewhat new in this journey, there is always a lot of learning that happens quickly! From a one month stay up to two years, each child has been here for different reasons in regards to their home lives and experiences. However, here are ten things I can tell you about what's it's like as a foster parent in almost every case.

"Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you."– Mother Teresa

A Look Into What It's Like to Parent Teenagers

I often feel like I'm in the sweet spot of parenting with kids ages five to eleven. They are all potty trained, sleeping through the night, can get their own food, I have eyes on them most of the time and they go to bed without too much complaint...life is good! I know what kind of teenager I was (responsible with an attitude and a bit of a wild side) so I'm slightly terrified of this upcoming stage of parenting. I asked my friend Melissa who is the mother of four, with two being teenagers, some of her thoughts on this stage. Here she has given us a look into what it's like to parent teenagers. Are you ready?

How to Teach Your Kids About Money

We talk about teaching our kids skills such as cooking and laundry in preparation for the "real world", but what about money management? One of the greatest gifts my parents gave me was teaching me how to be money savvy from a young age. From shopping and couponing together to finding a job for each stage of life (babysitting to retail to teaching and a whole lot in between) and donating a portion of our income, they walked alongside us. We talked about mortgages and knew the Christmas present budget – money was discussed naturally throughout our daily conversations.

What It's Like to Be a Foster Parent When You Get the Call

{As a foster parent I have gone through this on seven occasions and each time I get incredibly nervous with the necessity of quick decision-making. Not every home would go through these feelings, and maybe I'm a bit dramatic, but these are mine. I cannot share details on the ministry or the children in it's care, I can only share my own thoughts...and I have a few.} 

The red light on the answering machine was blinking. I knew what it was. I mean, it could have been my mother-in-law – the only one who regularly leaves us messages on our machine – but more likely it was The Call because it's Thursday. Thursdays are the day when the placement team in our city meets to match up children who need a home with families that have rooms available and are the best fit for the children. Most of our placements have happened on this day of the week.

Information Overload: Enough is Enough

On this day five years ago I purchased my first iPhone and my life changed. As convenient as it is, it has become way too important to me. At first I had no data so that I would not be tempted to use it when I was out of my home but with the offer of so much for data for basically nothing (okay, not true, our bill is not nothing but it was a deal!), I upgraded. I'm on it a lot. I use it to google facts, recipes, podcasts, Netflix, take photos, text and email. I also use it to browse Facebook and Instagram. I'm not sure what your social media feed and favourite Internet sites are telling you but this is what I seem to hear each and every day...

Our Hope for an Intentional Christmas

We recently had a family meeting to discuss the upcoming Christmas season and how we can approach it intentionally. First of all, the kids loved the official term "family meeting" and took it seriously by sitting nicely and raising their hands to contribute. We also finished it off with a cheer which I would recommend – don't need to be too serious! The topic at hand was the reason for Christmas, how much we should be spending on gifts and what sort of items would be considered appropriate for the list. And yes, they know that Santa isn't real although Nya believes that he fills the stockings.

What Our Arguments Are Really About

This past weekend we took a course called Hold Me Tight. It is a program that focuses on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). It is the idea that we are dependent on one another for attachment needs (comforting, protecting and nurturing) just as a child is on a parent. It includes working on our emotional connection through being open, attuned and responsive. Here I am touching on the arguments that we have and why we have them which is just one aspect of the course. I found it insightful and I hope you do too.

There I am rage-folding the laundry. Fold roughly. Sigh. Huff. Fold roughly. Sigh. Huff. What has just happened? Well, from the outside it looks like something like this: