Friday, November 13, 2009


We had our last official Dekens dinner at my dad's house. He has been living there on weekdays because he dislikes commuting and his new house, with Joanne, is in Abbotsford.
I am incredibly sad that the house is being torn down. Not sad because of the house but because whenever I'm there, I `see' my mom. I see her baking in the kitchen, I see her drinking tea at the table, and I see her sitting in the recliner. We spent many a nights having tea time together as a whole family (we did it almost every night, so cheesy eh?). I have no where to go to feel close to my mom anymore. I guess dad has a place up at Green lake but it's not the same.
I'm sad that my dad won't get to see the boys as often. I know it's good. I'm just one of those `hold onto every memory' kind of person! We built this house when I was 15 and my room was the one on the top left of this photo....
I think it's particularly hard because it's what I see everyday, as we are neighbours. At least Kai will likely enjoy the demolition:)
(terrible lighting in the house but Ani and Kai go wild there, running, running and running) Okay, on to happier things...
This morning I asked Kai if he wanted me to put a bagel in the toaster for him and he said, `Thank you mommy, you are so helpful!'. I find that his manners, and understanding of helping and sharing with others, has increased greatly since preschool. He always says, `What can I do to help?'. This is very nice but very exhausting having him `help' me! His preschool recognizes kids when they do good things. Once a month, they get a piece of paper saying what they've done that day and the whole class shouts hooray! Kai has gotten it both times, once for saying `thank you' and once for making room for a friend:) Now, I'm not saying he's an angel because he will still scream like he's dying when it's time to turn the tv off. He still hid his brother in the bathroom where Koen was facinated with the forbidden toilet. Kai really wants to make a `junior house' and it took me forever to figure out what he was talking about...he wants to make a gingerbread house. He even went outside, into our backyard, to get a good look at our house to see what shapes we need. My little architect?!
I followed Koen up the stairs and he went straight to his room to get Blue, his comfort blanket/doggie. He loves Blue so much. I love that he has an item that he receives comfort from, it allows him to sleep so much better. Both of my kids did not take soothers, but both love their blankies! I'm a little sad (oh boy, do I sound sad all the time? I'm not, I'm happy!) that Koen has teeth. Every other development is exciting but this one just seems like I'm losing my baby and gaining a young boy. I want my baby!!!
I got to speak at my old school for a Family Management Class. I spoke about conception, pregnancy, labour, delivery and breastfeeding. It was fun and I'm very comfortable talking about anything, especially to teenagers! I was only there for 45 minutes but it affirmed two things:
1. I love teaching
2. I made the right decision not going back. Toooooo exhausting.
I love my life right now. True, I really, really want to be able to run and hike again, but, if this is my new life, I can do it.

So hard to know what's going on with my thyroid. I feel like it changes daily. However, I know that the greatest things for me to maintain a sense of normalcy are; taking my meds, eating healthy foods, and maintaining a sense of calmness. I am so thankful that my trembling and fatigue are almost non existent.

I need to just say this.....all my life I have pushed myself. Hard. Do as much as I can as fast as I can. Have a huge to do list. Finish a paper 3 weeks early. Finish report cards first. Clean the house and bake and make a great dinner in one hour. People told me to relax. I was like, ya, whatever. Why would I relax? I have energy. My body and brain can do anything! Well, finally, I am no longer to do as much as I once could. Now, I only have one thing per day on the calendar. This is truly a blessing. I need to slow down, there is no choice. If I start to do too much, it feels like I'm having an anxiety attack or a heart attack. So not worth it.

So yes, three benefits to my hyperthyroidism: weight loss, relaxed life style, and...oh man, I forget the last one. That's another side effect. I have to write everything down. I just remember thinking there were 3 things. I'll think of it. Maybe it was that I get to stay home with my kids?

Have a great weekend everyone. Can't believe it hailed twice today! We're off the mall to see Dora and Kai Lan.


  1. I am very sad for you about the house. i am very sentimental about things too but i can totally understand the connection between the house and your mom, it is going to be sad for you. It makes me cry for you and your sisters. What a day it will be when you all meet with her again. Hugs to you!

  2. I'm sentimental like that too. You have a good perspective on things though. It's okay to be sad but then you move on, right? How do you not laugh all the time with Kai around? He's funny! :)

  3. How sad that the "house of memories" won't be there anymore. And I'm glad you're learning to adapt to your new normal, hoping it won't make you get stir crazy!

    Why is the house being demolished?

  4. Why do is that perfectly good house being torn down? Seems like such a waste! You could fit like 18 Filipino families and there and they'd be happy as pie. (is pie happy? where did that expression come from?) Anyway, it would be hard for me, too to see it go. Aside from the waste, I'm sorry about it for you.

  5. it really is sad about the house :(
    neat that you got to talk about all of those things at your old school - i think that would be fun (despite my lack of interest in the whole 'teaching' aspect).

  6. It's being demolished because it was bought by a developer. They are putting 6 homes in it's place.

  7. xo!!! i'm sentimental too. boo on tearing down perfectly good houses with YARDS!

    your kids are awesomely cute.

  8. p.s. did you try whole milk yet? maybe try organic, or goat's milk first? just an idea...

  9. Hey Mel, we did try whole milk. I'm very lazy with getting him to take it so have still just been breastfeeding. He has taken probably 3 oz and had no problems with it (that I noticed)! Yippee!

  10. I feel sad too!

    Awesome that you are seeing blessings in even the really hard stuff. And that you received that affirmation that you made the right decision in staying home for now.