Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Resliency

Resiliency: the ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy (Dictionary.com)

Life is fine right now but I would say there is definitely some adversity.  It's not easy being a parent under "normal" circumstances, and now, with adding another child with some special needs, we've found the transition to a new normal taking longer than we thought it would.  I feel stretched but I also feel hopeful.  At times I feel defeated but I also feel...strong.



One thing we are covering in our foster training class this week is self care and resiliency.  Some characteristics of resilient people are: self esteem, recognizing that life has challenges, knowing that your actions can affect an outcome, problem-solving skills, a sense of humour and support. This last one is huge for me. Studies show that resilient people look for support.

I'm a big researcher--I love getting as much information as I can. I search out people who have been in similar situations. I appreciate connecting with others in facebook groups or in person. I value the opinion of people who have been trained in an area that I'm uncertain of. I love reading for different perspectives and nuggets of wisdom.  Support. Support. Support.

When my mom passed away, I connected with others who had lost a parent (I still do),  I read books, saw a counselor (only once--I should have gone more), and talked with my sisters who were in the same boat.  Not only did I need to find help through the loss, I needed to find new supporters.  My mom had been my number one chearleader and when she died I realized that I needed to fill that position because I couldn't remain healthy without it.


I also know I am a big words of affirmation person and if I have to ask for it, so be it! It's not my job to "do it all", but I can take care of myself to do the best job that I can.   Last week, I asked people for encouragement on facebook. I. Asked. For. It. I felt a bit silly but I knew that I needed it. So, kind of funny, but at the same time, all those comments and emoticons lifted me up. "You've got this" "You can do it" "I believe in you"....who wouldn't want to hear that?!


I'm not good at asking for help--I feel like I'm inconveniencing people.  You know what, though? As my mother-in-law taught me, I can always ask and if it doesn't work for that person, well, they can say no.  I'm getting better at it.  I'm trusting that other people will be honest and just say "no" if it doesn't work for them.  Also, I know I have a community of people that will support me in prayer--what a gift!

I would encourage you that if you are feeling any adversity, please search out support around you.  Whether it's a facebook group, friend, family, book, or counsellor--they can help.  If one source is a dud, keep looking.   Where do you find your greatest source(s) of support?

Love, 
Louise

PS If you don't follow on facebook, I'd love to see you there!  You can find me here

2 comments:

  1. It is so important to know what we need, and what works best for us to help us through. Having a tribe or village of support is definitely what I need. I have more core group that I always turn to, and I am so thankful to them. I LOVED that you asked for encouragement. Sometimes if you don't, others do not know its needed.

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    Replies
    1. It's true, how will people know what you need unless you ask :)

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