Monday, July 20, 2015

When My Son Went to Camp

He was ready for camp. Me? Not so much.


As soon as we dropped off our oldest son at his first-time camp experience, I felt uneasy.  Did we make the right decision encouraging him to go?  Why didn't we ask a friend to go with him?   Would he tell someone if he was lonely?  What if he didn't wear sunscreen?  How would he do with such a late bedtime?  How safe were they really around the water?  What if he needed me?


Throughout the week-long camp, my stomach was in knots.  If I thought about my almost nine-year-old Kai Bear, tears welled up in my eyes.  He had only stayed over at grandma's house before – this was a whole new territory for the both of us.  We had not allowed him to sleepover at a friend's house and here we were letting him have a massive sleepover with 500 strangers.

As hard as it was for me, I know it was beneficial for both of us.  I'm "that mom" who loves to know everything; bowel movements (yes), dreams, friends, thoughts, struggles...you get the idea.  My instinct is to hold them close, probably too close.  He was hesitant leading up to camp and unsure of whether he truly wanted to go or not.   He loves almost all activities (as long as they aren't crafty) and I knew he would just need time to get over the initial nervousness that any new experience would give him.  I could have easily swayed him to forgo camp but I felt that the benefits would outweigh any hardship.

I remember the first time leaving him when he was a six-week-old.  Gary and I went to a movie and then rushed home to see if he was okay.  To be clear, I was the one "encouraging" Gary to get home as soon as possible and I'm still this way (which doesn't make for the most relaxing date.)  Over time, we took baby steps in "releasing" him; from a sleepover at grandma's to preschool to kindergarten, the distance and/or time apart increased.   Having your kids go to school is an emotionally transitional time as a parent; you need to trust someone else to speak into your child's life for a large portion of their day.  We have gone away without the kids several times but they were always together and we had daily confirmation that everything was okay; I need that "all is well" text.

By having a piece of my heart two hours away for six days, I was forced to let him go just a little bit more.  I needed to trust him, the camp, and God.  Worrying about it wouldn't make a difference– I just had to hope and pray that he was having the time of his life.

Sometimes it's hard to let go; my instinct is to protect my kids emotionally and physically, especially emotionally – don't hurt my kids' hearts!  There are some hardships in their day to day because I don't help them with everything, and I actually just can't; it teaches them problem solving and also shows them that there are consequences to their decisions.  There are many new situations to navigate as they grow up; I know I won't always be right there to do it and they are going to have to learn to step up while I step aside.  No matter what, I hope they know that their mom is cheering them on and praying for them whether they are in the next room, at camp two hours away, or off to university at the age of 18.

How did he do?  He had a great time and said he enjoyed feeling like an adult (although I don't think an adult would store their wet bathing suit in the suitcase each day?!)  How did I do?  I stretched and grew and feel a bit more prepared for next year because obviously he can't wait to go to camp again.  For now, we are in the post-camp detox stage: trying to get back into routine with three kids and enforcing regular bedtimes.


Love,
Louise

PS Please tell me I'm not alone in this whole "letting go" thing!  When did/do you feel it the strongest?

7 comments:

  1. Oh you are not alone...I don't let go easily...it takes a lot for me to leave them behind!

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    1. Does Anthony have an easier time with it? I know Gary does and that helps to "push" me a little bit. It does boggle my mind though that Kai is pretty much 1/2 way through his time of living at home--in 9 more years he'll likely be moving out for school. Yikes!

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  2. I'm way behind you in parenting years...but I totally am the same way. I don't like to be away from my kids (Matthew and Kayla have only slept over at my parents' house twice...once when I had a miscarriage in the evening and the second when Nathan was born). The only place I would trust them (and that they'll be okay) 100% is at my parents' house. It will be interesting to see how I do on their first day of kindergarten (in Sept 2016)!

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    1. Good thing it's gradual entry AND they'll have each other! I LOVED the way you let me know exactly what Nya ate and did at your house because it's how I feel most comfortable :)

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  3. Like I said in my FB message, I think I would have been feeling very much the same as you sending T to a camp that we had not been to and if she was not with a friend, and it had been two more nights than she went. I definitely thought about her a LOT during those 3 nights/days and wondered if she was drinking enough water (it was a hot week), if she was behaving the way we would enforce if we were around, respecting others, using manners, eating well, sleeping ok, being a good influence on her cabin mates. AND...what was she learning? Yes, it is a Christian camp so I knew that overall it was good, but when she came home and commented that her one counselor was giving her other counselor a hard time because she was "all over" a guy counselor, we had a conversation around how she picked that up and what it meant. THOSE kinds of things that teenagers don't have the 'mom filter' to determine what they hear and how they're processing it. How is she being affected by the parenting styles of the other kids at camp and how is she reflecting our parenting style?
    SO yeah, you're not alone ;) I think about these things in regards to school too, but at least it's not all day/night that she is influenced...there is still our daily contribution and it's strong, whereas at camp...you're out of the picture for those days!

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    1. Kelly--yes! I think I was more concerned with what he was learning than how he was acting (maybe I'm naive in thinking Kai would be well-behaved). The "all over" comment...you're right that they don't have the mom filter. For me, it was what he was learning from other kids. For example, other kids telling him to "shut up" hurt my heart. Not that Kai is perfect, I'm sure, but definitely new terms/social interactions for them to deal with.

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    2. Yes - the "shut up" one...we had that conversation the other day here for the first time (actually with Ezra and at first it was totally not about a person, but something that wouldn't shut...which the kids patiently explained to me AFTER i laid into them about it....but then it genuinely came out an hour later!) Anyway...it's like you have to re-parent or re-teach them what the family rules are after they come back because they've been exposed to things that aren't common in our own household. And I'm always praying (and reminding them) that our house rules are different from others and just because the place you're going may have different rules, you need to follow our rules; and if they have a rule for something you can't do, that maybe we DO allow, you obey the rules of the place you're staying. Anyway...it's a good stretching and learning experience!

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