Wednesday, July 08, 2015

A Belated High-Five to Parents I've Judged

Why are their boys so out of control?  They just fight and break things and seriously, can't they ever just sit still? Are they even listening?  Those were my thoughts before I had two boys of my own.  And now, I get it. Oh, do I. Get. It.   Boys have mass amounts of energy and when you have two like mine...they fight.   They have a hard time sitting still and they feed off of each other's energy.  They love words like "fart", "poop" and "underwear" and get out of control with the jokes by egging each other on.   I know this doesn't pertain to all boys but it sure does describe mine--and it's okay.  If that energy is not released, it's not pretty.  We're working on how to expend all that energy respectfully but it's okay if this process is a bit messy. And loud.

{Keeping seated at dinnertime is a feat in itself because they must move. Always. }

Why are their kids in play clothes all the time? I'm going to dress my kids in the cutest outfits and their hair will be so cute--I can't wait!   Well, apparently some kids don't like wearing jeans because they want to wear their "comfy pants" with an elastic waistband.  Other kids just want to wear Lightning McQueen shirts for a year straight.  Some kids refuse to have gel in their hair.  Many won't even notice if they have food all over their face.   And finally, socks with sandals may be insisted upon.  The more kids that I have, the fewer battles I choose.  Wear what you want as long as it's clean-ish; matching is preferable.  I draw the line at stinky.

{What? Is there something on my face? }

{Hello, energy.}

I've realized that when I question other parents' decisions,  I really need to check myself.  Each parent-child dynamic is so diverse and there is no way that a quick glance, or even a 2 hour play-date, can show you all the factors at play.  I know my own three kids are all so unique in their strengths and struggles, and in turn, I parent them each differently.  Instead of judging, I've learned that it's actually pretty interesting to learn what makes each kid "tick" and what parents have found work with their child(ren). Gather resources, people!

{Talking about how each child is different, well, my son is obsessed with Hello Kitty.  We embrace it.}

I recognize that people will look at me with my three kids and make their assumptions, too.  Why is she giving in to her screaming 3-year-old daughter?  Doesn't she know she has to stand her ground? Why are her boys running in the grocery store aisle?  Can't they learn self-control? Wow, that mom sure raises her voice--I'll never do that!  It's okay. I know. I've been there.  Said that.


{I suggested that we go to the park.  She loves the park but still had to figure out how we could go but not look happy about it.}

{"I'll sit here but I'm not going to enjoy it."}

Let's take the time to observe relationships with curiosity and a desire to learn and help rather than make a quick judgment call.  Think of all the knowledge we could acquire in the place of negative thoughts and opinions.

{Thumbs up for growth rather than judgment!}

To the parents with multiple wild boys who dress their kids in "comfy" clothes and let them wrestle in public--I so get it.  To the parents of three-year-old daughters who are melting down again--you do what you have to do. Give in. Stand your ground.  Whatever you need at that moment; I understand.  A belated high-five to you all.


Love,
A Humbled Louise


So there you have it: I was Ms. Judge-y Pants.  That is one of the many lessons I've learned through experience with my own kids.  Here you can see what these lovely blogger's thoughts about "One Parenting Lesson We Learned the Hard Way." Here's Sarah (of Sarah on Purpose), Jac & Juli (of TwoFunMoms) & Shawna (of Simple on Purpose). 

PS Please tell me I'm not alone!  What is one thing you said before you had kids that you now realize wasn't realistic?

13 comments:

  1. Oh how often I made those "I will never" statements that came back to bite me in the bum. I can so relate to your grumpy 3 year old pictures.

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    1. Oh those grumpy 3-year-olds...so tiring but so adorable!

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  2. Two pictures made me laugh - the grumpy 3 year old and the messy faced Koen! Parenting is not easy and nothing ever showed me my own faults as much as being a mother did (and still does). Patience, self-control, unconditional love etc. never seemed like things I had to work on before having children!

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    1. Yes, I have never had to work so much on those qualities, too--especially patience!

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  3. I thought I would NEVER yell at my kids! I read all these articles and books and even had it planned out on how to respond, but that all went out the window once I started having more than one! (my first, a girl, was so easy! my second, a boy, changed all of that!) I thought I would be way more patient too! Hahahahaha! I also didn't think I'd EVER have a child who cried or screamed while shopping, especially since *I* knew how to handle and prepare and diffuse the situation....hahahaha.... I now offer a lot more grace to other parents out there!

    Such a cute picture of your girl with her crown and pout on! :)

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    1. I remember the first time I yelled, too! Kai was 3, Koen was 1. I was shocked at the sound that came out of my mouth. You're right--grace is the key word!

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  4. Only one month in and I already have one: I always said I wouldn't take a baby into our bed. Turns out I'd rather sleep :)

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    1. I love it ;) Hope you are getting some more sleep with baby in bed with you!

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  5. Haha. I always said I wouldn't count to make my kids obey. They were always going to listen to me and do it the first time I said something. We all know how easy that is.... :)

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    1. Awesome. I count, oh do I count. I definitely have one kid that requires a lot of repeating...they are all so different! Glad I'm not alone :)

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  6. The sleep in my bed thing... yeah, I'd rather sleep (in our bed, in their bed, on the floor...wherever I could get some sleep). Funny, yesterday I ended up with 4 boys in my backyard and I was really having to hold back from correcting them (and being annoyed) by every behaviour. I had to remind myself that some of the behaviour is just the way that boys are and it is different from they way I grew up with my girlfriends and sisters. Learning along the way while still trying to help them become respectful, polite men.

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  7. Anonymous8:52 AM

    Unrealistic bribe/threats! Ex. "If you don't stop crying right now we aren't going to Jane's house/Disneyland etc" I always told myself it would be realistic and something I would follow through on! Now I catch myself all the time using whatever it takes! Lyn

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    1. I hear you! "If you boys don't stop fighting you can get out and walk home!" (then they said, "sure!" oops) I even use bribes I can follow through on and feel bad--if you go to Sunday School I'll buy you a donut!

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