Monday, July 16, 2018

Have You Written out Your Relationship Values?

If you're anything like me, it feels like there are many decision to be made each day. Right now some of them include a long list of "To Do" items around the house and which ones to do first and how much to invest financially and time-wise into each project. Do we just scrap the "To Do" list and head to the beach because there are "only 18 summers"? (I don't love that sentiment by the way but that is for another post). How do we want to spend our time together as a couple and as a family this summer? How do we work on our relationship while carrying on with life?

Have You Written out Your Relationship Values?
Photo by Shannon Lee Photography

I have written about choosing my values before which allows me to recognize what my priorities are and what gets my time, attention and energy. The other day I was listening to a podcast by Rachel & Dave Hollis in Rise Together entitled "Your Relationship is Either Growing or It's Dying".

One point that stood out is that they discussed and wrote their values individually (check!), as a couple (oh, good point) and as a family (we need to do this).

Last night Gary and I sat in the hot tub to discuss what we think is important as a couple. Now, before I go any further, I do need to point out the amazingness that is the hot tub in the evening. The kids are all asleep in bed and the phones sit on the kitchen counter. Not only are all of the distractions gone but our hot tub sits in a dark corner of our yard so we can look up at see the stars and talk about our day; throw in a beer for me and it's a mini vacation!

The daytime non-romantic version of the hot tub

We have our current five values written down now which go beyond the basic foundations of our marriage values of faith and family. You might think "We're on the same page, no need to discuss!" but I would encourage you to check in on that as there could be some miscommunication. We are in a transition stage in our lives with our ages and that of the kids plus our work which makes this is a great time to discuss. Also, it's important to be clear on what your value means as me saying "Have fun together!" implying hiking and travelling is not what he thinks it means.

Not only do we need to decide on our values as a couple but we should revisit it several times throughout the year as a "check in". 

I look forward to working through these questions with our kids as well but the overall themes in my personal values extend into our couple and family ones; from all aspects of health to adventure to empathy and communication, these are priorities.

I would encourage you to to discuss your relationship values with your partner. Maybe you assume you know already but it's a great conversation to have especially when wanting to grow in that area.
 Have you done this?

Have you taken the time to discuss and write out five relationship values?

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