An Honest Look At Where We're At

So....how are things going after adding another child to our family through fostering?  It started off with a lot of adrenaline and emotional (for all of us) and has now morphed into a time of exhaustion and cuddles and some "wonderful" viruses.

How are our biological kids doing?  They are amazing.  The boys are respectful and sweet with this Little One and they really don't notice much of a change in our family.  Nya is probably noticing it the most as her role of the little cuddle bug is being fought for.  Fortunately my lap is big enough for the two of them and she is patient enough to wait if need be.  I would say the hardest part with Nya is bedtime.  She's always loved when I put her to bed (it's really just a 5 minute process of teeth brushing, story, song and prayer) and we need to figure out better timing so that I can do this while Gary watches the Little One in the bath.  The L.O'.s bedtime routine is about 2 hours long.  A huge contributor to our kids doing so well is that Gary is home to provide more one-on-one time and to take care of all of the meals.

How is the Little One doing? Good--eating, drinking, playing, laughing, cuddling; this is definitely a change from the beginning.  The day time is way easier than I thought.  Yes, there are tantrums but not much beyond what my own kids did.  The night time?  This is what I dread.  One of my greatest fears with fostering was not getting enough sleep.  I need my sleep; seven hours a night is preferable.  Right now we are going on about 4 hours of interrupted sleep a night and it's really taking it's toll on our family.  Our kids sleep through it but Gary and I are exhausted which means we aren't the most patient parents.

Often when kids have trauma in their lives they are in a hyper-vigilant mode of  always being on guard of danger.  At the beginning, L.O. would wake every hour, stand up immediately and run to the bedroom door and scream. And scream. And scream.  The only way we got sleep was if I was lying on the other bed in the room holding L.O's hand.   Due to illness, we've taken a step back and there are still night wakings at 11 pm, 1 am, 3 am and sometimes 5 am.  There isn't as much terror but there is crying for anywhere from 1 minute to an hour so we're working on this.  I honestly don't know how a child can function on so little sleep.

How am I doing?  Well, you can probably hear that I'm exhausted.  We were finally on a roll and then this Little One got pretty sick.  That changed a lot--and not for the good. We are stuck at home due to being contagious (just L.O. is) and the miserable factor went way up.  Yes, I know going through illness together will likely lead to a better attachment and feeling safe but OH MY GOODNESS I CAN'T DO THE NO SLEEP THING. I feel like I need a PhD in psychology to know how to approach the night times...good thing I have a minor ;) Ha. I feel good during the day time like "I can do this!" and then at night I feel like "Oh my goodness, I don't know what to do!  I can't do this for another year!"  I have to continually give myself a pep talk "You're keeping this child safe.  You are providing a safe and loving home.  You are making a difference.  Be patient. Be loving. You can do this."  The day times are fine with just being more aware of where this child is at all times, driving a lot, and navigating a relationship with birth mom--I've learned a lot about this birth mom/foster mom dynamic through it; in case you didn't know, I'm a tad sensitive.   I'm also adjusting to a whole lot less "me time"--you know, like 10 minutes a day.  I think it's also important to add that I love this child; I wasn't sure if I would (maybe that sounds mean but I had no idea how I would feel) and I'm very glad that I do.

I think that's an honest look at where we are.  I hope that if I write an update on our family next month it has sentences in it like: SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!  ONE HOUR BEDTIME ROUTINE (OR LESS)!!  I WISH I KNEW IT WOULD GET SO MUCH BETTER!!

I hope you are having a good weekend with a lot more sleep than we're getting.

Love,
Louise